Clean Up

We’ve been working on cleaning up the child’s room for about a week now. Her room doubles as our guest room and my parents are coming to visit, so it really needed to be done. Grandma said not to worry about it, but really…it needed to be done. There is a pattern developing where we work really hard to clean it up, she maintains it for a while, then “something” (usually sibling related) happens and it starts to get a little messy. If I don’t jump on it then it slowly builds up again until…we have to work really hard to clean it up, and so it goes.

Currently we are in the work really hard to clean it up phase. Having done this so many times I have some good ideas on how to make this work…

• So as not to overwhelm either of us we break the work into several phases. First we pick everything up off the floor, the next day we clean off the desk, the next we clean under the bed, and so on. There is a feeling of accomplishment with each phase, and as the room starts to shape up the satisfaction grows.

• I help her get started and depending on how hard the work is going to be I either stay and support her efforts or go do something else for a while. Cleaning off the floor is pretty straightforward, and she can make her bed herself. Sorting through the piles of beads, rocks, feathers, seeds, sequins, etc. that she has collected and scattered among books, papers, markers, school projects and puzzles pieces on top of her “desk” well…that requires mommy time.

• We bring a garbage can, a recycle bin and a “this goes somewhere else in the house” box into her room. I encourage as much as possible to go into one of these boxes. For what is left (which is a lot)…

• We sort things into piles, and find good containers for all of her little collections. This is the hardest part for me. Most of the things she likes to collect she doesn’t really DO anything with, she just collects them. So it is hard for me to just let them all sit around. Surely she wouldn’t miss this red sequin that was randomly sitting on the corner of her dresser. I’ve learned the hard way, though, that she has a pretty impressive inventory in her head of all of this stuff. She wants to know where it is, and if it gets lost we’re headed to meltdown territory. This is happening less often, I think because I have learned to “respect” her stuff. I try very hard not to toss any of it unless she says she doesn’t want it.
Next up is maintaining, and I’m trying to come up with strategies to extend this phase. I want this to happen not just so I have one less disaster area in the house, but also because these are skills that she will need down the road. I put it out to my facebook friends to ask for ideas of what to try. We came up with four main tools:

• Labels – During the clean up phase this time around I’ve been labeling everything. Each drawer and each shelf has a label. This is for the child’s benefit, but also Daddy’s. There are times when he supervises clean up and if he doesn’t know where things go they end up in some “interesting” places. Hopefully the labels will help.

• Break it down – Some tasks like making the bed and picking up dirty clothes need to happen every day, others like tidying up the desk could be a weekly chore to keep it from becoming too overwhelming. I think a couple of daily tasks and one weekly job each day will be a reasonable starting point.

• Visual aid – Now that it’s clean, I’m going to take some photos of each potential trouble spot in her room and make some kind of chart that shows her what it looks like when it’s clean. This is taking a lesson from social stories in which we emphasize the desired outcome.

• Incentives – Sad but true the child lives for prizes and rewards. I like to use them until the tasks have become a habit and then phase them out. For now she’s working to collect loose change for a little Sunday School fundraiser. I’ve been giving her small coins for chores around the house toward that project. Perhaps for a while if she can complete her daily room clean up there will be a monetary reward.

I’ll also be trying to prevent those “trigger” events that make it all too overwhelming and/or responding to them earlier to keep the clean it up phase shorter. I would love to hear your thoughts on this age old challenge. How do you keep your child’s room clean? Do you involve them in the process? How do you maintain it? What helps keep it all in perspective? Just click on comments below to share your ideas.

Book Review - Signs of Trouble

The first paragraph of Signs of Trouble puts you into the shoes of the main characters, Amy and Kim. Excited to be on a field trip with their special education classmates, they enter a shopping mall and take in the intense aromas and sounds of the setting. The sounds and some other distracting events, like needing to use the restroom, cause Amy and Kim to get separated from their class. What will they do? They use the skills they came to the mall to practice, and some safety rules they've learned from their teacher to eventually reunite with their class.

What Mom hasn't experienced that heart-stopping feeling of getting separated from our kids? For parents of special needs children it seems even more threatening. Will they remember the rules we've told them? What if they panic and can't remember anything? What if they can't find an adult to help them? We recently had an experience at school that made me even more aware that I need to help my daughter learn good "emergency" skills.

One feature I love about "Signs of Trouble" is the creative exercises at the end of the story that could help support the learning of emergency skills. There are also some activities related to understanding learning differences, another topic that I'm planning to spend some time talking with my daughter about this Summer.

I adore the art work by Jack Foster in this book. It has the right blend of colors and shading to help children focus on the key features of the picture. The characters remind me of the increasingly popular Manga art style. Most importantly, the pictures do not conflict in any way with the text, instead they help us understand - like the picture of the telephone cord dangling feet above the heads of the girls as they wonder which number it is they're supposed to call when they get in trouble.

The story line seems like just the right level of conflict for children - not so scary as to be frightening - but clearly some problems they can relate to, like a stranger approaching them when they are already nervous about being lost. There is a fair amount of text on each page, which might make it challenging for early readers, but the story line is straightforward and well stated. Overall this is a great book to read if these are topics you would like to talk about with your children or students.

Disclosure: Janet Ann Collins, author of "Signs of Trouble," is a writing acquaintance of mine. We've only met once in person, but correspond a bit by e-mail and facebook. She asked me to review her book and was kind enough to send me a pdf copy to that purpose. I received no other compensation for this review, and as always have given my honest appraisal of this lovely piece of work.

Sunday Digest 30

Sunday Digest is turning 30...and it's Easter evening, after a long busy weekend, so this is going to be short and sweet. Sunday Digest needs its beauty sleep and so do I. These are the sweetest links I've found recently. Visit these other sites and let them know you found them through The Simple Life. Thanks!

1) One of my favorite fellow autism mom bloggers (Autism and Oughtisms) posted this review of her son's first term at a special needs school. She is in New Zealand, so their system is a bit different from things here in the States, but it is lovely to hear about how they have found just the right program for him. My dream for every child, special needs or no.

2) One of my favorite adults with autism bloggers (Reports from a Resident Alien) posted her ideas about disability and difference. I love getting her inside the disorder perspective.

3) Hopeful Parents is a group blog that has a wonderful set of writers from a variety of families affected by all sorts of Special Needs. Spectrummy Mummy posted a story about rewards for her daughter and the unintended rewards for herself, too. Very encouraging.

4) Another fellow autism mom blogger (Squashed Bologna,) who I particularly love following because she is also dealing with sandwich generation stuff like our family, has started a series on all of the issues surrounding siblings with special needs. So far what consequences we've had in this arena have been felt by us as parents more than our kids, but I am reading with interest for future days when this will be a hot topic around our house, to be sure.

5) My fellow 5 Minutes for Special Needs contributor Lee, shared a suggestion from his family's experience... Family Game Night. So far we opt for movie nights, but I hope we can add this to our repertoire. Lee mentions several benefits that would be really helpful for our kiddos.

That's it! I did also want to take this opportunity to welcome my newest followers. Thanks for joining the journey here at The Simple Life. I'm always working a few kinks out here, so please forgive the cyber-dust if you happen along when I'm mid-renovations. In particular this post should debut my use  of intense debate to manage comments. This should allow me to reply directly to commenters, which should be a lot of fun. I enjoy doing this at 5 Minutes for Special Needs. I'm still playing with the look of my banner, too, so if you're back in the next few days and it looks different, it's still me! Feel free to let me know if there are topics you'd like me to write about or if you have other suggestions...very open to input over here. Easter Blessings to you!

Remembering To Do What We Already Know

Here's my latest post over at 5 Minutes for Special Needs. I don't always remember to link this up here. I figure people are more likely to find these pages from there than the other way around. This one can be taken from a very practical side (using a visual schedule) but is also a philosophical mindset that I'm trying to apply. If I already know how to help my daughter in many ways, then half of the victory is just remembering to do it, instead of taking the lower barrier approach of losing my temper!

Book Review - Whole Body Listening Larry at Home!

I have some pretty cool friends. The other day one of my cool friends gave our family this book. I think it will be good for our whole family. If there is one thing I get most frustrated about with my kids it is that they "don't listen" to me. Sometimes, I have to admit, I'm the one who is not listening. This sweet book talks about how to use every part of your body (not just your eardrums) to listen. It turns out that your eyes, your mouth, body (torso), hands, feet, brain and heart are all involved in truly listening to another person. While my kids are often not listening with their mouths, hands, and feet (generally at least one of them is making noise with at least one of these) I am more likely to be not listening with my brain (multi-tasking) or with my heart (ouch!) This simple story walks through the parts one at a time with socially savvy Larry helping his sister, Lucy, learn how leaving out any of the parts leaves other people (parents, siblings and peers) feeling frustrated and unloved. There are several things about this book that I love:

• The text is simple and presented in rhyme to add interest. In addition to narration that makes the key points, the characters words and thoughts are often presented in speech and thought bubbles. The thought bubbles are especially useful for helping children understand what the characters are feeling.
• The facial expressions of the characters are also very clear and will add to opportunities to discuss how each character is feeling when Lucy is not listening.
• Toward the end of the story there is a cartoon list of each body part so you can talk about what it means to listen with your eyes (looking at the person who is talking) or with your feet (sitting or standing quietly).
• The book shows Lucy being successful in the end and how everyone feels when she is listening - So Good!
• At the end of the book there is a list of suggested activities to supplement the story, and two visuals that can be used in the activities.

Whole Body Listening Larry is published by Think Social Publishing and is based on principles developed by Michelle G. Winner in her work on Social Thinking. I have met one of the authors, Elizabeth Sautter, as she is the co-director of a program my daughter attended last Summer for social skills support. I recognized many of the concepts in the book from similar concepts presented in the social skills curriculum, so I know it will connect with my daughter, too.

Soon they'll be releasing "Whole Body Listening Larry at School!" which will be a great tool for teachers!

Motivation

Motivation is such an interesting force in our lives. What gets us moving? What helps us get through the hard things we really don't want to do? I have been noticing this week some very odd things that will get my daughter motivated to work through transitions, in particular.

Getting into the car is tough, for some reason especially if we're going to church, regardless of the reason for the trip. Maybe, like me, she dreads the traffic jam that we often encounter on the way. I don't think it's anything against church specifically. She will be "all ready" to go to Sunday School, except for putting on her shoes and getting in the van. We even make the order of these two steps up to her, but she suddenly hits a snag and won't  want to go. I've started asking her before she gets her shoes on, and before she starts to protest if she wants a piece of gum. Of course she does. "Go get in the van, and I'll bring you one." Off she runs to get her shoes and get in the van. I don't even have to actually connect the reward to the behavior. (Gum, by the way, counts as oral-motor input, OT bonus!)

The other day we had a similar challenge right before school. She suddenly did not want to go. I found this a little odd (and worrisome) since usually she is perfectly happy to go to school. Luckily the day before she had been quite excited to show me the new classroom job chart. It is very similar to what she had in Kindergarten, and what we use from time to time at home. Her teacher had given her the job of feeding the fish in the class aquarium. So when she balked at going to school and asked why she needed to go, I said, "So you can feed the fish, remember?" Suddenly she was more than happy to go to school again.

Dinner time has been a challenge lately, too, for some reason. She'll seem excited about what we're having for dinner, but when it comes time to sit at the table, no dice. The other night when she was saying she wasn't ever going to eat dinner I took a moment to ponder. Having observed these earlier incidents I tried to think of something that would motivate her to get to the table. We were having stew, and I had put the kids' bowls on the table already. Knowing one of these bowls, the bright pink one, is her favorite, I said, "Well, I guess if you're not eating dinner I can give the pink bowl to your sister, then..." Wow, did that get her to the table!

Gum, fish food, the pink bowl...

I have been pondering what this means for me, too. What gets me moving? What helps me get through the hard things? I'm afraid for myself I often put out the stick rather than the carrot. "If I don't get this done then tomorrow will be a disaster"-kind of thinking rather than "Won't it be nice to do a good job and finish this while I have time." I'm going to try to look for the rewards a little more. I know they're out there, though they may be not so obvious.

What gets you moving?

Sunday Digest 25

Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Next week we have our big pie and praise festival at our church. It almost snuck up on me this year. Usually I plan carefully which pie I'll be bringing. I always bring an alternative to pumpkin because I don't like pumpkin pie, and I know someone else will bring the pumpkin for everyone else who does like it. I know...it's almost un-American to not like pumpkin pie. What can I say? Anyway, I'm finding myself with a lot to be thankful for. So much that I'm a beat or so behind where I need to be. Not so busy that I haven't had time to find you some good reads/listens on the internet. Read on in this SILVER (25th!) edition of the best of the rest...

1) We love fidgets, and this link (found via OUR Journey Thru Autism) has some good ideas for a fidget bag that is suitable for keeping in a school binder, and the fidgets to put into it. Children with sensory integration and self-regulation issues often have a hard time quieting their body for events like circle time, assemblies, waiting in line, and working quietly at their desk. Fidgets are usually small, interesting but not too stimulating (fine line here) objects that a student can keep in their hand to help them keep the rest of their body quiet. I kind of self-discovered this way back when I was in college and I was finding it hard to pay attention in some of my faster-paced, content-intensive classes. I made a bean bag, which I called my blob and I would hold it in one hand while I wrote with the other. My daughter responds well to fidgets and we used to carry a fidget bag just about everywhere we went. She still has one or two available at school when she needs them.

2) One of the reasons I re-started The Simple Life was to explore ideas of teaching matters of faith to children with special needs. I recently saw this excerpt of a speech by a Jewish Rabbi. I think many of the ideas expressed here could be applied in other faiths, and I believe this is one of the upcoming challenges to churches, synagogues and other places of worship. We need to be prepared. Many parents that I've met don't feel like their special needs children are welcome in their house of worship...and that is beyond sad in my opinion.

3) This story from Eren over at Steady Mom will help you feel good about how our children, of all abilities, can inspire and teach us if we let them. Technically no special needs involved here, but talk about underdogs.

4) My 5th grade French teacher posted a link to this interview on Facebook. I love how Facebook reconnects us with so many different influences...The interview on NPR is with a woman, Heather Sellers, who is affected by "face blindness" - basically she has no memory of what people's faces look like, even people she knows well like her husband and colleagues at work. You can listen to the interview, and read an excerpt from her book "You Don't Look Like Anyone I Know". This is one more reminder to me of how fragile our brains really are...and I can't help but wonder if this disorder is somehow related to the misfirings of autism that lead to similar difficulties with reading social cues like facial expressions.

5) Tammy and Parker are hosting a Boardmaker Studio giveaway over at 5 Minutes for Special Needs.com. I've not used Boardmaker personally, but I know it is widely used for PECS (picture exchange communication systems), visual schedules, social stories, and other visual aids. My kid seems to need pictures of her real life situation most of the time, so we're wearing out our digital camera, but Boardmaker can be a really useful tool. And they're GIVING it away...the giveaway is open until November 15, so you have ONE DAY LEFT to head over there and sign up...

So I am Thankful for fidgets, faith, children, faces, and giving. I am thankful for you, my faithful readers, and I wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving season!

Vacation without the kids? What? I could never do that...

Sorry, skipped a post there, Friday. Busy and also fighting off some fatigue that is really cutting into my productivity. I'll try to stick to the schedule, but sometimes the rest of life will get in the way...

Never vacation without the kids? Never say never. About nine months ago a dear friend of ours presented us with a once in a lifetime opportunity to visit Bali. At first I couldn't see how we could do it. Bali is a day's plane ride away for us, which makes any trip shorter than a week kind of silly, and then it takes a day to get back. That's a nine day trip minimum. We would be traveling with a group of adults and older teens, and financially bringing the kids was not really an option. Who would stay with the kids? How would the kids react to such a long absence? So soon after our big school transition? There were plenty of reasons to hesitate, but in the end we decided it was an opportunity that we couldn't pass up. Some big pieces of the puzzle fell into place, so we checked our passports and made our reservations.

One of the biggest pieces was my wonderful parents agreeing to take on the childcare. This was no small favor to ask. An almost seven-year-old on the spectrum and twin almost three-year-olds are not a neat and tidy package to hand off to anyone; and our household really runs best when it runs on routines. Mom and Dad leaving doesn't exactly make for routine, but my parents worked hard to learn the rest of our system so they could maintain as much of the groove as possible. We will never forget their generosity.

Of all of the things we did to prepare my parents and the children for our trip, I decided to focus on three things that seemed the most important and might be helpful to others...

Caregiver manual - My mom said she referred to this frequently, so I was glad I took the time to put it together. I filled a three ring binder with useful information like:
1) How to run our audio/visual system, which is a bit tricky. I included a list of shows the kids watch that are recorded on our DVR so that it would be easier for Grandma and Grandpa to find them. Since we returned I've been referring to it myself...
2) Morning and Bedtime routines for the kids. These seem to be the most important pieces of the day, which I guess makes sense.
3) A medical release letter and a copy of our insurance card. Just in case. It was going to be very hard to get in touch with us and we didn't want to risk denial of medical care because we couldn't be reached to give our consent. I included the kids' dates of birth, id numbers, and known medical conditions in the letter.
4) Doctors, dentists, and nearby ERs were listed with phone numbers and addresses, too. Grandma actually needed this since our son developed a mild fever and she wanted to check in with the pediatrician. Happily that went away in just a day.
5) Maps of our local area, and key destinations. Since my parents do not live nearby and don't drive much when they visit us I knew they would appreciate some directions.
6) Contact info for some of our local friends who had agreed to be "on call" should something urgent come up.
7) A schedule and menu plan for each day. Grandma said she liked having menus all planned out, and sometimes I have trouble remembering what is supposed to happen each day, so having it all written out in one place was useful.
     Other miscellaneous items: business cards, coupons, directions for checking voicemail, etc. all got tucked into one place so they knew if they had a question they should check there first. One thing I should have put in there and didn't is the baby book our pediatrician gives to each child. He has compiled a lot of information there and referred my mom to one thing in there that she couldn't find, since she couldn't find the book. She figured it out, but it would have been better if she'd known where it was. We also have used this for babysitters, once, since returning from our trip. Not everything in there is pertinent, so I'll have to revise it somewhat for that purpose, but it was certainly handy to have it all put together.

Social Story - I think I've made it pretty clear how valuable I think social stories are. I have started using them with our younger children, too. They are great for children of all abilities! This story was pretty specific to our family and how this vacation away was going to work. We explained that Grandma and Grandpa were coming to visit and that Mommy and Daddy would be gone for nine days. We explained that Grandma and Grandpa would know the best ways to take care of everyone and everything. We talked about what the children could do while we were gone. We assured them that we would think of them often even if we couldn't call (which we didn't!) and we assured them that we would come back home. We read this several times before we left and left it as a resource for Grandma and Grandpa to help the children understand what was happening.

Journals and Calendars - I made some simple books - blank paper stapled between two pieces of construction paper - for each child. They decorated the covers the day before we left and there was one sheet of paper for each day that we were gone. Each evening Grandma would pass out the markers and crayons and the children would make a picture for that day in their journal. Our oldest also had some lines on her pages so she could write a sentence or two about her day. This one is especially precious to me because besides just marking the time from our departure to our arrival it also is a simple record of what was most important to her each day that we were gone. Grandma also made each child a calendar and they marked the days that we were gone with stickers.

I'm not sure who was happier upon our return, the grandparents or the children, but the really gratifying thing was that they were all happy, and we were refreshed, if jet-lagged, from our time away.

Changing Schools - Part Three

This post is the third in a series on transitioning to a new school. My Monday posts have been focusing on this topic for several weeks because it is a large and complex topic. Also, this post is participating in the Moms' 30-Minute Blog Challenge at Steady Mom. You can catch up with the series by reading Part One here and Part Two here.

I thought I would share the social story that we used to break the news to our daughter that she is going to a new school this Fall. There is a bit of back story that I will share here first. In my ideal transition plan I did not want to tell our daughter that she would be changing schools until sometime in May. I wanted her to have minimal distractions from her Kindergarten year during which she had made fabulous progress both academically and socially. Sometime in April, however, we started hearing some things at home that made us nervous. Our daughter would say, "We got to go to the big kid playground today, and that's where I will play when I'm in first grade." One might need to know that our daughter is VERY literal in her language and very concrete in her thinking. If she has been told that a certain playground is where she will play, then she assumes that really is where she will play and she begins to formulate important, specific plans of what she will do when she is there. Fortunately I had already started collecting photos and writing text for a social story to tell her she'd be going to a different school. The publish deadline for that story got pushed up about a month. We knew we had to tell her, and soon, or we'd be pushing back the tide of important plans she was already considering. We also asked the staff at the old school to revise their language to help her understand that the playground at her new school would be LIKE the one they'd been visiting, and to remind her that not everyone would go to the same school next year.

Without further ado, here is the story (edited for privacy):

• My name is [her name]. I go to Kindergarten at [name of "old school"].
• On school days my parents drive me to Kindergarten.
• I go to room 3 for Kindergarten, and [teacher's name] is my teacher.
• I play with my friends from room 3 at the Kindergarten playground.
• I will go to Kindergarten for the rest of April, all of May, and the first part of June.
• During the rest of June, all of July, and the beginning of August I will have Summer vacation. In August I will start first grade.
• I will go to [name of "new school"] for first grade.
• Because [new school] is close to my house, I will be able to walk to first grade.
• Sometimes I might get to ride my bike to school for first grade.
• There is a first grade playground at [new school]. I already play here sometimes with my family.
• If I have questions about my new school I can ask Mommy or Daddy. They will help me find out the answers.

Each page (denoted by bullet) had a picture to go along with it. As with all social stories this is tailored to her. She had been asking to walk to school, so we played that up. The playground was central for reasons already mentioned. She needs time frames for all activities, so we wanted to assure her there was some time to finish Kindergarten and to rest up before first grade, etc.

We chose to read the story during "snuggle time" before school the next day. After reading the story with Daddy, the child went off to get dressed - the next step in her usual routine. Mommy and Daddy were sitting there kind of debriefing when she came back in and said, "So-and-so doesn't live close to school. Where is she going to 1st grade?" She proceeded to list all of her friends and ask where they were going to school. Some of these we had answers for and some we did not. A couple of friends were in similar situations but had chosen different pathways. She also wanted to know WHY? (Her favorite question these days). We told her there is a rule about children attending schools that are closest to their home. Then she wanted to know who made that rule, and we told her it was someone who did not know her. She took her story to school and shared it with her friends, which made it easier for her to tell them what was going on. School staff read the story with her several times over the next few weeks.

She was quite sad for the rest of that day, and tried all sorts of negotiation strategies to make us change our minds. I was glad we were settled in our decision. It was very hard to see her so sad. That was the second night in this process that I went to bed in tears myself. The next day was better. Gradually as we have spent more time getting to know her new school she has become more excited about the idea, but she is still worried that none of her friends will be there. We will have to work hard to find some new friends at the beginning of the year. This is still my greatest fear, too.

Changing Schools - Part Two

This post is the second in a series on transitioning to a new school. My Monday posts will focus on this topic for several weeks because it is a large and complex topic. Also, this post is participating in the Moms' 30-Minute Blog Challenge at Steady Mom. You can catch up with the series by reading Part One here.

So far I've told you about our school district changing our daughter's placement to our home school, my intial emotional responses and the choice we eventually made to accept her transition to a new school. That choice was made primarily because we wanted to give her the best chance for a well-supported change to a new environment and a new social circle. I wanted to share the details of our transition plan in hopes that it will help others in a similar situation to establish their own good plans. Please note that this was separate from considering the level of support, services, and IEP goals for the next year...this was just to focus on helping her understand and be comfortable with starting out at a new school.

1) We gathered information. Prior to telling our daughter anything about what was going on, I met with some trusted private resources, the principal at the new school, and the IEP team at her "old" school to ask questions, get advice, request some accommodations or support, and establish lines of communication. All of this helped the next steps fall into place...

2) We broke the news. We used a social story to tell our daughter that she'd be going to a different school next Fall. I'll share more details on this next post. The timing was not ideal, but the story was very effective in helping her understand what was happening, helping her share the news with her peers, and giving us an idea of what was most troubling to her about the change.

3) We took some field trips. My daughter and I attended open house night in the first grade classrooms at the new school. We met the teachers (although some of them will not be teaching first grade next Fall), and we took pictures of things that were interesting to her. Later we took a special guided tour with an instructional support teacher (IST) and met the Occupational Therapist and Speech Pathologist who will work with her at the new school. [In our case she already knows these ladies, but it was good for her to see them ahead of time at her new school - she has pretty strict ideas about who belongs where, so seeing them there before she has to start working with them there was excellent.] She also met the school psychologist, the receptionist, the principal, and a few other staff who were around. We took lots of pictures on this trip, too. Nearly every week we walk over to the new school to play on the playground and try to connect with other children there

4) We wrote another social story. The IST used some of our photos and some of hers to make another story specifically about the new school. It has pictures of all of the people we've met, and some key places like the playground, the lunch room, the computer lab, and the library.

5) We called some friends. We already know a few families with children entering first grade at the new school. We've had a couple of playdates with a couple of them at the school. We're hoping to do a few more of these in the next several weeks so that our daughter will have some more familiar peer relationships established.

6) The adults met again. We had a transition IEP meeting (I believe these are required any time a student transfers between schools) where the "old" IEP team met with the "new" IEP team (there is some overlap in these in our case) to discuss our daughter's program, and the specific supports that she will need this coming year. At this meeting I also presented an updated parent report and walked through the remaining steps of the transition plan.

7) We will prime the pump. What remains is to continue to prepare our daughter for each new step of entering first grade. She will meet her teacher before school starts, and hopefully visit "her" room again, this time knowing it is "hers". We will either add these pieces to her second social story or write a new one. As each activity is added to her schedule we will make a visual schedule to help her know what is coming next. Hopefully we can continue to support making new friends, too.

There are probably other steps that could be taken to help a child be more comfortable going to a new school. I'd love to hear your ideas since we're still in the middle of this...do share!

Chores that Work

In an earlier post I shared a "chore" system that didn't work so well for our family. I still felt it was a program that might work for another family, so I wanted to share the idea, but we continued to flounder for some time in our attempts to keep our oldest daughter, in particular, involved in keeping our household running smoothly. For me this is an important facet of family life for many reasons.

1) I need help! As the one who usually does what little housework gets done around here I appreciate all the help I can get, even if it is from a two year old.

2) Housework teaches useful skills. I didn't appreciate how important daily household tasks were until I was well on my way to adulthood. As a result I've rarely felt like I have a very good grip on managing our home. I would like to change that pattern with my kids. I want them to know what is involved in maintaining a clean and organized house, or at least see the importance of it in my flailing attempts.

3) Self-regulation is key. We have seen how many times, when she wants to "do a job" it is very regulating for our daughter. In many enivironments, school, Daisy troop, at home, and at church, giving her a meaningful task to focus on helps her know her role and maintain excellent behavior. It also gives her a great sense of self-esteem, "Wow, look what I did, Mom!"

That last point actually holds the key to how we developed our new chore system. In our previous attempt, our daughter earned "stars" by completing certain tasks and the stars could be redeemed for larger incentives like time with Daddy or a trip to the yogurt stand. She was the focus, the rewards were external, and she had the same tasks every day. The problem was, even with a variety of external rewards she got "bored" with the tasks, and eventually began to resist doing them. No amount of stars was worth the effort to her. However, we kept hearing about how she was going to be "line leader" or "caboose" or "weather" at school the next day and I realized that she was never bored with her jobs at school. I approached her teacher (wonderful person!) and asked to see her system for classroom jobs. She has a pocket chart with about a dozen jobs and the children simply rotate through who does each job. There are more children than there are jobs, so often the children have a day off. The key seemed to be that the job rotated frequently so that the children are not bored with the tasks. Everyone participates. The rewards are natural (praise from the teacher for a job well done) and internal ("Look what I did!"). I set about copying the system for use at home (see above), and so far I am pleased with the results.

Our family jobs are: bringing in the mail, helping with laundry, taking out the mulch, helping with dishes, picking up toys, setting the table and making beds. Everyone has one job each day until the reach the bottom of the chart where they get a day off. I can tell you that my daughter likes the new system because she has added to it in a very positive way by creating the job "bug helper" at the bottom of the chart. During the Spring and Summer she enjoys catching bugs and keeping them indoors in various bug houses. The bug helper gets to give food and water to the current bug menagerie and/or release them outdoors if they've been kept indoors as long as we are comfortable with. When she adopts a system she loves to put her own special twist on it, and this is it.

Pitfalls so far:

• No system is perfect, and this is no exception. I immediately wished I had made my chart in order that these jobs usually occur during the day. I added numbers in the margin, but it would've been better in the other order.
• Daddy often forgets whose turn it is to get the mail and will pick it up on his way in. Often this is fine, but if it is the oldest's turn she can be quite upset that he took over her job.
• Because this chart is kept at eye-level for my daughter it is within arms reach of her younger siblings. They are learning to mostly ignore it, but some pieces go missing once in a while (the Mommy tag is currently AWOL) and sometimes they rearrange things. This will fade with time.
• It still falls to me (mostly) to make sure the jobs happen and to support especially the younger kids as they do their work. I hope as we continue to develop a good routine that this will be less and less true.
• There is still some resistance to certain jobs. Putting away clothes, though the first job our daughter expressed interest in doing, can still be a battleground. I'm working out the best approach to dealing with this. One night when she had refused to do her job I told her she would just keep that job the next day. She just re-upped the resistance the next day, so then I got tough and said she would have to do it without arguing or go to bed early. (This was right before bedtime, so it was an immediate consequence.) After she had successfully finished with a good attitude we had a conversation about how sometimes we have to do work that we don't like. I even admitted that I have jobs I don't like, but I still have to do them. Ideas for good natural consequences when jobs aren't done or are resisted would be most appreciated. Just leave a comment below!

Must close because this post is participating in the Mom's 30-Minute Blog Challenge and time's up!