Changing Schools - Part Three

This post is the third in a series on transitioning to a new school. My Monday posts have been focusing on this topic for several weeks because it is a large and complex topic. Also, this post is participating in the Moms' 30-Minute Blog Challenge at Steady Mom. You can catch up with the series by reading Part One here and Part Two here.

I thought I would share the social story that we used to break the news to our daughter that she is going to a new school this Fall. There is a bit of back story that I will share here first. In my ideal transition plan I did not want to tell our daughter that she would be changing schools until sometime in May. I wanted her to have minimal distractions from her Kindergarten year during which she had made fabulous progress both academically and socially. Sometime in April, however, we started hearing some things at home that made us nervous. Our daughter would say, "We got to go to the big kid playground today, and that's where I will play when I'm in first grade." One might need to know that our daughter is VERY literal in her language and very concrete in her thinking. If she has been told that a certain playground is where she will play, then she assumes that really is where she will play and she begins to formulate important, specific plans of what she will do when she is there. Fortunately I had already started collecting photos and writing text for a social story to tell her she'd be going to a different school. The publish deadline for that story got pushed up about a month. We knew we had to tell her, and soon, or we'd be pushing back the tide of important plans she was already considering. We also asked the staff at the old school to revise their language to help her understand that the playground at her new school would be LIKE the one they'd been visiting, and to remind her that not everyone would go to the same school next year.

Without further ado, here is the story (edited for privacy):

• My name is [her name]. I go to Kindergarten at [name of "old school"].
• On school days my parents drive me to Kindergarten.
• I go to room 3 for Kindergarten, and [teacher's name] is my teacher.
• I play with my friends from room 3 at the Kindergarten playground.
• I will go to Kindergarten for the rest of April, all of May, and the first part of June.
• During the rest of June, all of July, and the beginning of August I will have Summer vacation. In August I will start first grade.
• I will go to [name of "new school"] for first grade.
• Because [new school] is close to my house, I will be able to walk to first grade.
• Sometimes I might get to ride my bike to school for first grade.
• There is a first grade playground at [new school]. I already play here sometimes with my family.
• If I have questions about my new school I can ask Mommy or Daddy. They will help me find out the answers.

Each page (denoted by bullet) had a picture to go along with it. As with all social stories this is tailored to her. She had been asking to walk to school, so we played that up. The playground was central for reasons already mentioned. She needs time frames for all activities, so we wanted to assure her there was some time to finish Kindergarten and to rest up before first grade, etc.

We chose to read the story during "snuggle time" before school the next day. After reading the story with Daddy, the child went off to get dressed - the next step in her usual routine. Mommy and Daddy were sitting there kind of debriefing when she came back in and said, "So-and-so doesn't live close to school. Where is she going to 1st grade?" She proceeded to list all of her friends and ask where they were going to school. Some of these we had answers for and some we did not. A couple of friends were in similar situations but had chosen different pathways. She also wanted to know WHY? (Her favorite question these days). We told her there is a rule about children attending schools that are closest to their home. Then she wanted to know who made that rule, and we told her it was someone who did not know her. She took her story to school and shared it with her friends, which made it easier for her to tell them what was going on. School staff read the story with her several times over the next few weeks.

She was quite sad for the rest of that day, and tried all sorts of negotiation strategies to make us change our minds. I was glad we were settled in our decision. It was very hard to see her so sad. That was the second night in this process that I went to bed in tears myself. The next day was better. Gradually as we have spent more time getting to know her new school she has become more excited about the idea, but she is still worried that none of her friends will be there. We will have to work hard to find some new friends at the beginning of the year. This is still my greatest fear, too.

Book Review - Don't Call Me Special

I am always interested in books that help children understand disabilities in other children. One of the first things I did after learning our daughter's diagnosis was to write a social story for her peers to try to help them understand her challenges as well as to assure them of the things they have in common with her. I checked with our library to see if there were books already published with that goal in mind and our excellent children's librarian provided me with a long list of books to look for. I was especially pleased the other day to see "Don't Call Me Special" sitting on the "NEW" shelf in the children's section of our library.

I like the artwork and the text in this book. It is geared toward younger children (I would guess ages 6-8). Some of the vocabulary and concepts may be challenging for the audience, but this story should be read with an adult anyway as the beginning of a conversation about accepting and being helpful to children with different abilities. I definitely enjoyed the way they present various disabilities and how everyone has some things that are hard for them so it is okay to be different and unique.

I am struggling a little with the title, and the pages that explain it. "Today many people with disabilities dislike being called special because it makes them sound too different from everyone else." I guess this harks back to the days of totally separate "special education." Although I do, more than ever now, understand the need to be careful about the labels that we attach to people, my understanding is that the currently most accepted term for disabilities is "special needs." If we are to ban the label "special" then what terminology are we to use? I think this will be particularly confusing for children. I know some people don't like the term "disability" because it makes it sound like they can't do anything. Differently-abled was popular for a while. It's a touchy subject and one that I fear may never be completely resolved because no matter what term is applied there is bound to be someone who is offended by it.

The only other thing I found a bit strange is the text at the beginning of the book. It seems to jump in a little too quickly. I found myself turning back a page to see if I had missed something or if two pages had stuck together.

Otherwise I think this is a great conversation starter for peers, siblings, and extended family members of children with special needs.


Other book reviews:
A Regular Guy
Handle With Care

I Love Sunday School

I wanted to share with all of you a social story that I wrote for my daughter in the last couple of weeks. We've been noticing that she is having a hard time regulating her behavior in Sunday School, and this is challenging to her teachers and peers. Of course it is hard on us, too, to hear at pick up time that various incidents have occured that morning. We have found in the past that social stories can be quite effective in helping our daughter learn to behave, so I decided to try this approach with her.

For those who are not familiar with social stories, click here for a thorough discussion. From my own experience I see them as a way to put into words and pictures the basic foundational principles of how we want our children to handle a challenging situation. For some children simply looking at another person when spoken to can be challenging, and a social story can be written that addresses this challenge. We have written stories about birthdays (our daughter did not understand that she only gets one each year, which made it harder to enjoy friends' birthdays because she wanted the attention and fun to be focused on her), going home from school, calming down, and now Sunday School. The story is written from the child's perspective and the language can be adapted to whatever level the child is at. I should clarify that I have no formal training in writing social stories, but I've read more than a hundred and have a good feeling for how they are constructed. I should also note that social stories were developed for children with Autism Spectrum Disorders, but they can be helpful for almost anyone who has difficulty interacting in a certain social setting, including normative children.

I generally write the text first and then consider what pictures will help explain the text in a visual way. I use our digital camera to take pictures relevant to the story, although I have also used clip art if it's more appropriate or easier. After I add the pictures to the text I format a word document (half sheets of paper make a nice size for the final story size) and print color copies. I then laminate the pages with simple stick-on laminating sheets. I like hooking the pages together on a ring like a keychain. I've also seen examples of putting the pages into ziplock bags and then binding the ziplock bags together (on the zipper end) as a simpler way to protect the pages.

The story needs to be sturdy because it will be read a lot. Ideally the child should read the story with you before they enter the environment where the challenging situation will occur. Several readings can be helpful to be sure the child understands the text and pictures. In this case we read the story with our daughter before she went into Sunday School and then the teacher had her share the story with the children who were in class that morning. We'll probably continue to read the story with her for several weeks to encourage her to make progress in this area.

Here's the story (original text in bold, [comments plain text]). Feel free to copy/adapt it as needed for your own use.

I Love Sunday School!
My name is [child's name]. On Sundays my family goes to church. [picture of child, picture of church building]
We meet a lot of our friends there. [picture of people gathering at church, candid]
These are some of my friends. [pictures of several other children from Sunday School class - I asked the parents for verbal permission first]
I usually get to eat a snack with my friends and then we go to Sunday School. [picture of child eating snack - this is the schedule at our church, insert whatever activity immediately precedes Sunday School]
In Sunday School we read stories, sing songs, play games, and make crafts that help us learn about Jesus. [pictures taken of kids doing activities in class]
These are some of my Sunday School teachers. [our church rotates teachers, so I inserted pictures of each main teacher]
I know how to listen to my teachers. I sit in my chair with quiet hands and quiet feet. [picture of child sitting in chair quietly - challenging, but possible for our child. This is the part she's having trouble with, but we want her to know that we know she can do it.]
I can ask the teacher if I need help. [picture of child interacting with teacher - again challenging, but something she can do]
I can try to have fun with my friends when I listen and tell them what I need. [picture of child having a good time in Sunday School - emphasizes the rewards of good behavior]

It's important to note that the results may not be immediate from using a social story. Sometimes they are (the birthday story worked like a charm!) but sometimes the child will actually respond by pushing the limits more. The important thing is that the social story gives you common ground to return to. I find that the process of writing the text helps me understand what I expect her to do. This Sunday when our daughter started to have problems the teacher was able to say, "Now what did your story say...?" and it helped our daughter calm down more quickly than previously. Hopefully eventually we'll avoid the trouble to begin with.