Zapped

Today the letter of the week for

 

Is Z.

It's so fitting. the words that come to mind:

Zero - the amount of energy I have right now.

Zany - my life lately.

But mostly...Zapped. As in, that is how I feel.

I am not just physically tired (though I am that) I am emotionally exhausted. My brain hurts.

For now I'm going to chalk this up to the end of the school year - a season much like "the holidays" in which everyone tries to squeeze in one last...whatever...before school ends. It is the culmination of a lot of work from the teachers, and the kids, and the parents, and it is downright overwhelming. There's quite honestly too much to be done each day...

It is showing in the frayed edges of relationships around our home. I've lost my grip on my temper more than I wish. The child is struggling. We are struggling together.

So sorry to end the alphabet on a low note, but I know I'm not the only one.The cool thing is most endings are followed by new beginnings. Z is for zapped and A is for Anticipating.. So hang in there, to all of my fellow zappees.

To see more zany and Z posts, click here.

Rest...

...I am finding it somewhat elusive again. I've written about this before - receiving lots of advice that I couldn't quite follow and plenty of empathy from fellow rest seekers. Things have gotten a lot better than they were when I hit bottom. The dishes are (mostly) done, and so is the laundry. I've started tackling my closets one at a time. I am finding a lot of satisfaction in making progress on those particular pits of chaos. The rest of the house doesn't quite show how hard I've been working, but oh well.

It hit me the other day, however, when I could barely force myself out of bed to get started on the day, that I need to start making MY rest a priority. What made it obvious was all of the energy my children had that particular morning. They were running circles around me; quite happy and "productive" in their own way. I realized that we have always made it a point to get them enough sleep. Almost nothing gets in the way of getting them to bed on time. When we have a late night we arrange it so they can sleep later the next day, and I still INSIST on "nap time" for the twins even though they don't actually sleep every time...every once in a while they do which I interpret to mean that they still need it.

Resting via RaGardner4 on flickr

Meanwhile my own sleep seems to take a back seat to just about everything else. Housework I'm happy to put off (really!) but work, writing, food prep, facebook, and e-mail have all been known to keep me burning the midnight oil.

So one of the suggestions that I failed to enact last time I ranted about rest was - define a quitting time. I'm going to try this out for a week and see what happens. I'll try to report back and let you all know how it goes. If it's not done by midnight it will just have to wait...

Since I'm already past my deadline for tonight, I guess I'll close. And go get some rest. Night night...

This post is participating in the Jenny Matlock AlphabeThursday blogfest. Click the icon below to see other offerings inspired by the letter R.

Finding Rest

The other day I was sitting with a friend telling him how tired I have been lately - that I can fall asleep on the floor for 5-6 hours without even meaning to. Basically anytime I stop moving my body is demanding sleep. He pointed out that when I do things I usually give 164% - meaning I'm not satisfied with just getting things done, they have to be done to the best of my ability and then some. "Give yourself a break."

Then yesterday a firetruck drove by our house - not at all unusual - but the siren wasn't on. The child and my boy saw it and told me about it. When I told them I didn't hear it, the child said, "The siren wasn't on because fire people need to rest sometimes, Mom. That's what God said."

If she gets it, why can't I?

There is a lot to do around here, and I really have been trying to keep up with my regular work plus catch up on a long list of deferred projects. None of it is worth losing rest over, though. So these are some of the things I'm trying to remind myself to do:

• Take it when you can get it. My twins still take a nap almost every day. It is one of my favorite times of day. They share a room, and without some supervision at the beginning of nap time they will talk and play (and body slam) with each other instead of going to sleep. Some time ago I started sitting in the room with them, watching them only peripherally while I read or worked on my laptop. If I did not take this time to stop each day I would undoubtedly just run myself ragged. I still get stuff done, but it is quiet, sitting, and it's as close as I get to me time each day.  Now what I will do when they stop napping? I dunno yet.
• Listen to your body. When it says it is tired it means it. I'm still hoping it's just sleep deficit that has me so drained, but soon-ish I'll be up for my annual check up and will ask the doctor to check for any underlying concerns - anemia or thyroid issues. Meanwhile I'm trying to be good and sleep when I need to. Easier said than done.
• Pat yourself on the back for all that you do. This goes to the 164% problem. I have a weekly to do list (seriously it's a spreadsheet that tracks what I do/don't do each week). It's kind of like the half-full/half-empty glass question. Which one will I focus on? I tend to get after myself for the lingering project from November and the other things I didn't do. For some reason I forget the 21 meals (plus snacks) I prepared, the 7 loads of laundry I washed (OK maybe didn't fold), the daily fun activities for the kids, the writing, the office work, etc. etc. etc. that I DID GET DONE! At the end of the week there's way more that I did than I didn't. I need to remember that.
• The ultimate source of rest is God. So the main reason I focus on what I didn't do is worry. It always has been my biggest struggle to keep from worrying about things. I used to worry when I didn't have something to worry about. Really. I'm getting better. Still I need to remember that God wants to and will take care of me and provide what I need for each situation.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)

How do you find rest?

Sunday Digest 32

I hope, dear reader, that you will enjoy these lovely links as much as I have. While I don't have time to read everything that is out there (who does?) when I find something I like I set it aside to share it with you. These are the best that I've seen out there. Be sure to let them know you found them through The Simple Life...and thank you!

1) Here is a great post about enjoying life with our kids...loving being a Mom instead of being a therapy coordinator and advocate. Not that those parts of special needs parenting aren't important. They are, and we really can't avoid them, but taking a step back to snuggle on the couch or do some art just for fun can be just as important - for us and for our kids. (By mom2spiritedboys at Hopeful Parents)

2) Interesting how different diagnoses can lead to similar...um...challenges. This post (also at Hopeful Parents) is about a little boy with Prader Willi Syndrome who likes to have the same conversation with his mom over, and over, and over. We have similar conversations at our house. It gets old. For my daughter sometimes there is just a communication breakdown - either I'm not understanding what she's asking or she's not understanding what I'm answering. But sometimes it is just comfortable to re-tread the same conversational path, like slipping on your favorite shoes. Why try anything new when this works so well? (By Lisa Peters)

3) So the DSM is due to be revised in 2013. The DSM is the big gray book on Doctor's shelf that is used to describe all the various conditions and disorders so that everyone uses the same rules when they give a diagnosis. Or that's the idea anyway. This is where the criteria for autism, high-functioning autism, PDD-NOS, and Aspergers Syndrome (the full spectrum)  are outlined. There will be some changes which are already being hotly debated in the autism community. I haven't spent much time reading or thinking about it yet, which is partly why this post at Autism and Oughtisms intrigues me. There's certainly plenty to think about here, and useful links regarding the specific proposed changes at the bottom.

4) Something no one wants to think about, but we all should - what happens to our special needs children when we're no longer here. Of course we all plan to stick around, but no one is promised tomorrow and no one is immortal. My fellow 5 Minutes for Special Needs contributor, Lee, posted a great piece about some key things to put in order. This is a must do.

5) Lastly, I love this story about a teacher encouraging one of her students to use his skills to benefit other students. Isn't this what education is supposed to be about? (By Joanna L. Keating-Velasco at OUR Journey Thru Autism)

Rejoicing Along the Way

The other day the child made a sticker chart for me. We are big on sticker charts around here. We have been for a long time. Way before I understood what was going on with our daughter, back in the days when she used to pull my hair (hard, repeatedly) every day but "she's just a toddler...she doesn't understand..." was the only explanation I actually got her to stop doing it by using stickers. One morning I noticed that she hadn't pulled my hair (by some miracle) so I gave her a sticker. We put it on a piece of paper. It gradually evolved into a chart and a system. Every day she would get a sticker before nap and before bedtime if she was nice to mommy's hair. Thus began our love affair with sticker charts, though the passion is mostly in the heart of my daughter and not mine. I find them tedious to keep up, which is actually a good thing because any reward system needs to be faded over time and replaced with more natural effective praise. But I digress...

My sticker chart (pictured above) is woefully empty. My daughter told me that I could give myself a sticker every night before bed if I finished all my work for the day. Ha! How did she know I've been struggling with this very issue. Either she's more aware of people's emotions than I give her credit for, or she's heard me (ahem) discussing the problem with other people. Or maybe she's just tired of me telling her that I can't play "money store" (bank) with her because I need to get my work done. I'm pretty sure she didn't read it from a certain blog post...

At any rate she was trying to use a tool that we have shown her for other challenging situations and applying it to my life. How sweet....except wow....it really draws attention to how impossible it is for me to get stuff done. She asks me (often) how many stickers I've earned. "Just one, sweetie..." One day, in a week, I felt like I could honestly say I'd done everything on my list.

Then I read this blog post by Tasra Dawson. We were (briefly) in the same writing group. She's going places. I think perhaps her philosophy helps her along in this regard. In summary she was reminding us (ME) that everything we do should be a celebration, an opportunity to pat ourselves on the back and worship the One who gives us strength. Rather than trying to finish everything how about if I try to be glad each time I finish one thing?

I don't expect this to be an overnight transformation, but I think I need to re-purpose this sticker chart. Maybe I'll get a happy face each day I remembered to rejoice along the way. It sure beats the alternative.

Vacation without the kids? What? I could never do that...

Sorry, skipped a post there, Friday. Busy and also fighting off some fatigue that is really cutting into my productivity. I'll try to stick to the schedule, but sometimes the rest of life will get in the way...

Never vacation without the kids? Never say never. About nine months ago a dear friend of ours presented us with a once in a lifetime opportunity to visit Bali. At first I couldn't see how we could do it. Bali is a day's plane ride away for us, which makes any trip shorter than a week kind of silly, and then it takes a day to get back. That's a nine day trip minimum. We would be traveling with a group of adults and older teens, and financially bringing the kids was not really an option. Who would stay with the kids? How would the kids react to such a long absence? So soon after our big school transition? There were plenty of reasons to hesitate, but in the end we decided it was an opportunity that we couldn't pass up. Some big pieces of the puzzle fell into place, so we checked our passports and made our reservations.

One of the biggest pieces was my wonderful parents agreeing to take on the childcare. This was no small favor to ask. An almost seven-year-old on the spectrum and twin almost three-year-olds are not a neat and tidy package to hand off to anyone; and our household really runs best when it runs on routines. Mom and Dad leaving doesn't exactly make for routine, but my parents worked hard to learn the rest of our system so they could maintain as much of the groove as possible. We will never forget their generosity.

Of all of the things we did to prepare my parents and the children for our trip, I decided to focus on three things that seemed the most important and might be helpful to others...

Caregiver manual - My mom said she referred to this frequently, so I was glad I took the time to put it together. I filled a three ring binder with useful information like:
1) How to run our audio/visual system, which is a bit tricky. I included a list of shows the kids watch that are recorded on our DVR so that it would be easier for Grandma and Grandpa to find them. Since we returned I've been referring to it myself...
2) Morning and Bedtime routines for the kids. These seem to be the most important pieces of the day, which I guess makes sense.
3) A medical release letter and a copy of our insurance card. Just in case. It was going to be very hard to get in touch with us and we didn't want to risk denial of medical care because we couldn't be reached to give our consent. I included the kids' dates of birth, id numbers, and known medical conditions in the letter.
4) Doctors, dentists, and nearby ERs were listed with phone numbers and addresses, too. Grandma actually needed this since our son developed a mild fever and she wanted to check in with the pediatrician. Happily that went away in just a day.
5) Maps of our local area, and key destinations. Since my parents do not live nearby and don't drive much when they visit us I knew they would appreciate some directions.
6) Contact info for some of our local friends who had agreed to be "on call" should something urgent come up.
7) A schedule and menu plan for each day. Grandma said she liked having menus all planned out, and sometimes I have trouble remembering what is supposed to happen each day, so having it all written out in one place was useful.
     Other miscellaneous items: business cards, coupons, directions for checking voicemail, etc. all got tucked into one place so they knew if they had a question they should check there first. One thing I should have put in there and didn't is the baby book our pediatrician gives to each child. He has compiled a lot of information there and referred my mom to one thing in there that she couldn't find, since she couldn't find the book. She figured it out, but it would have been better if she'd known where it was. We also have used this for babysitters, once, since returning from our trip. Not everything in there is pertinent, so I'll have to revise it somewhat for that purpose, but it was certainly handy to have it all put together.

Social Story - I think I've made it pretty clear how valuable I think social stories are. I have started using them with our younger children, too. They are great for children of all abilities! This story was pretty specific to our family and how this vacation away was going to work. We explained that Grandma and Grandpa were coming to visit and that Mommy and Daddy would be gone for nine days. We explained that Grandma and Grandpa would know the best ways to take care of everyone and everything. We talked about what the children could do while we were gone. We assured them that we would think of them often even if we couldn't call (which we didn't!) and we assured them that we would come back home. We read this several times before we left and left it as a resource for Grandma and Grandpa to help the children understand what was happening.

Journals and Calendars - I made some simple books - blank paper stapled between two pieces of construction paper - for each child. They decorated the covers the day before we left and there was one sheet of paper for each day that we were gone. Each evening Grandma would pass out the markers and crayons and the children would make a picture for that day in their journal. Our oldest also had some lines on her pages so she could write a sentence or two about her day. This one is especially precious to me because besides just marking the time from our departure to our arrival it also is a simple record of what was most important to her each day that we were gone. Grandma also made each child a calendar and they marked the days that we were gone with stickers.

I'm not sure who was happier upon our return, the grandparents or the children, but the really gratifying thing was that they were all happy, and we were refreshed, if jet-lagged, from our time away.