Sunday Digest 43

Time to share the best of the things I've found while floating through cyber-space the last few weeks. I hope you'll visit and enjoy the links below and let them know you found them through The Simple Life:

1) One of my best new finds is Just a Lil Blog by Jim. It is great to get a dad's perspective on special needs parenting. His post People, Not Data really resonated with me and added to what was already brewing when I decided to write my own post "Making it Good" over at 5 Minutes for Special Needs.

2) Varda at The Squashed Bologna always has something to speak to me - several recent posts nailed me actually - but this one, which was a rerun from Hopeful Parents is one of my favorites. We need to start planning for the future of all of these young people now identified with autism or related disorders. The world is going to have to change big time!

3) I LOVED this take on Trisomy 21 by Tammy at Praying for Parker. So many of these "disorders" are naturally occurring conditions that, while challenging, have always been a part of the human condition.When will we accept this?

4) And, while we're on the subject of Down Syndrome, please listen to the testimony of this young man who reminds us that even though we're all different, we're all the same. We all need God. Hear how God used him to reach out to special needs children and their parents and teachers.

5) No matter what you're facing this week, it's good to remember that we each meet the future at the rate of 60 minutes per hour. Some things (the tedium of laundry and dishes) we wish could go by faster, but others, like the wonder of a child exploring the world around them we should stop and enjoy a little more. Tsh Oxenreider shared these thoughts at (In)Courage.

Reprise - Timer Tools

We are feeling the sandwich squeeze for the next couple of weeks as we are taking on my mother-in-law's care to give my sister-in-law a little break, and hopefully enjoy Easter with Grandma. To make things a bit easier I am reposting this oldie but goodie - originally posted April 2010. I started using timers with the child, and now I find I use them for myself almost as much as I use them for her...my frazzled brain needs something to remind me that I was just about to do something. My daughter has also taken on setting her own timers - for when to do homework, how long to use her mouthwash, when I've told her she can watch a show. It is a great skill to learn. Timers are just wonderful...

Many children, but especially those with special needs, struggle with transitioning from one activity to another. One very powerful tool to helping a child with special needs navigate their day is the use of a visual schedule, but just knowing the order of events to expect may not be enough. How much "time" can be alotted for each activity may also need support tools. For children with special needs a portion of the struggle can be understood as a poor concept of time. How much time to do I have to play? When do I need to be ready to go to school? What time does the party start? When will my friend come to play? All of these questions and more may be hard to conceptualize, vocalize, or comprehend the answer to.

Allow me to introduce you to my favorite time keeping tools:

(pictured above, left to right, top to bottom)

The digital clock - ideally a child will also learn to use an analog clock at some time, but when a child has learned numbers up to 59 a digital clock can be a much more accessible tool. We use the digital clock in our car to talk about what time we need to be somewhere, and what time it is now...so are we running late and needing to hurry, or do we have plenty of time and can relax.

The Time Timer (TM) - available in many teaching supply stores, the Time Timer also comes in a smaller more portable version, and is an excellent tool for children who are extremely visual. "How much time do I have to play?", "We have 30 minutes before we need to get in the car. Would you like to see how much time that is?" After a lot of use the child knows a little red is a little time, etc. There is also an audible (but friendly!) beep when the timer reaches zero. Our favorite use for the Time Timer is to set a kind but firm limit on "snuggle time" in the morning before time to get dressed. Because we always use it for this function we need no verbal reminders of what it means when the timer beeps.

The sand timer - also available in many teaching supply stores, and in various lengths of time. We have a one minute timer and a two minute timer. Thankfully we don't use them too much any more. They were primarily used for "time outs". Our time outs are used to reinforce our house rules and as an opportunity to calm down. Using the sand timer can be beneficial because watching the sand flow from one side of the vessel to the other is mesmerizing and has a calming effect. Hooray!

The portable timer - excellent for trips to the park ("We need to leave in 5 minutes...I'm setting my timer"), events in the back yard, or anytime that we're moving around the house a lot. It can also be used when giving the child a choice (and a little control) over which timer they want to use. "You can play on the computer for five more minutes...would you like to use the red timer (Time Timer), the white timer (portable), or...

The kitchen timer - ours beeps until you turn it off, so it is harder to ignore and claim that it didn't run out yet. It's only downfall is that it is rather fixed in place, so it requires some back and forth if you are elsewhere in the house.

I think as our world becomes more hectic, more technological, and more complicated, everyone seems to struggle with time management. There's a whole arsenal of tools to help our kids begin early to learn skills to manage their time, and bring some measure of peace to the flow of our days.

Special thanks to two wonderful people, Clarissa Montanaro and Robin Hauge, who turned me on to the power of using timers with children with special needs. Please contact them at clarissamontanaro-AT-gmail-DOT-com for more information.

Book Review - The Runaway Bunny

This is probably a classic, but we checked it out from the library for the first time this week, so it is new to us. Little girl picked it out on behalf of the child (who was at school but asked us to get a book for her, too.) The author, Margaret Wise Brown, is probably best known for the book "Goodnight Moon." She seems to have a mild fascination with bunnies, and this alone has made her the target of humorous parodies. Be forewarned that "The Runaway Bunny" is unashamedly sweet. If that sort of thing makes you roll your eyes and look for the nearest exit then I guess this book is not for you, but if you want to start a conversation with your kids about how much you love them and how you will always be there for them...check it out.

The story begins with a little bunny who wants to run away. (Know any kids that have threatened to run away?) He informs his mother of his plans. One by one she meets his escape routes. If he vows to turn into a sailboat then she promises to be the wind that moves him across the sea. If he becomes of fish then she becomes a fisherman luring him from the water with carrots. One of the best pieces of the book is the pictures by Clement Hurd. In each scenario he presents a two page full color spread showing the mother patiently meeting each persona the bunny tries on. I particularly love the bird imagery in which the mother bunny becomes a tree for the bunny-bird to come home to. The sailboat is also quite touching. In one last ditch effort the bunny decides he will turn into a boy and run into a house. The mother says she will be the mother in the house waiting there with a big hug for him. The picture of this scene would fit right into the pages of "Goodnight Moon." The little bunny realizes this last effort is basically where he's at anyway, so he'll just stay put after all. "Very well, have a carrot," replies the calm mother.

Perhaps every child/parent relationship has its moments when one or the other wishes they could run away. I know I've been there myself, on both sides. I think what struck me the most about this story is the effective portrayal of mother love. The love that says,"No matter where you go or what you do I will be there, and I will be on your side even when you think I'm not." I know I want my children to feel that kind of security from me.  Books like The Runaway Bunny create an opportunity to sit with your child at the end of a hard day and tell them, in so many words, "I love you and I will be here."

I want to know how many of you have already read this book and love it...and I want to know what other sweet books you read when you want your children to feel your love right down to their toes.

Ugh! and Understanding...

I don't Usually vent here, but Jenny Matlock's Aplabe-Thursday meme is Up to the letter U, and frankly "Ugh!" is the only thing that comes to mind. I am in the last gasps of preschool Summer break. Just. a. few.days. left. Sadly I needed a long break from my twins about three weeks ago. They are at a very trying stage. They just want to be silly all the time. They don't want to listen, even when good things might be coming their way if they can listen. My patience has long since run out...and I really thought I had built Up a good reserve, too. That would be enough, but...

• The child has resisted homework two out of three nights this week. Given that it's the first week of homework that doesn't bode well for the weeks ahead. I'll need to get a handle on this soon.
• Little boy has been learning toilet skills, but isn't 100% yet, which is expected, but still no fun.
• My dear mother-in-law tried to cook something in her microwave and smoked Up her house, bringing the fire department, again.
• My foot started hurting quite suddenly and Unexpectedly this morning...of course it is one of the days when my husband is gone all day and I had lots of walking to do. I am on my feet a good bit of the day, so it's hard to rest it.
• There are several issues at school district and city level that I need to voice my concerns on soon. Pretty big issues that I've been following and involved in for several months now.

...And that's just today's load of Ugh!

Still even as I type this I'm hearing on the radio of entire communities without power. Large land masses that are on fire. There are children going to bed hungry somewhere, and a mother trying to figure out how to meet their needs better tomorrow. So for all of my Ugh at the moment, there is also a good dose of Um...gratitude that my little challenges are just that - little. All this stuff I'm venting about will be forgotten (mostly) a year from now. What will not be forgotten is the attitude that I face it all with. I must remember that my children, most of all, want a mom who is calm, loving, and firm, but Understanding.

The well known serenity prayer comes to mind...do you know the whole thing? I'm thinkin' I need to memorize it!

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

Camping Special Needs Style

We just returned from our third annual camping trip. It was the best trip yet, and I thought I would share some of the things that have made these trips work well for our family. Camping is a wonderful experience, but not without quite a bit of planning, preparation, and a little bit of luck. When considering camping with a child with special needs there are some extra considerations to take into account...

Explore your options - Many state parks have campgrounds with ADA accessible sites and restrooms. Do some Internet searching to find out what is available, and what will best suit your family's needs. Aside from physical access, consider what activities are most appropriate - swimming, hiking, fishing, and educational programs may all be available. Where we live it is best to reserve your camp site far in advance, particularly if you need an ADA site. We made our reservations in March for camping in August.

Safety in numbers - We have not tried camping with just our family yet. We have made all of our camping trips with a group of families that all have children with special needs of various types. This year we had seven families with a total of 24 people, and children ranging from 2.5 years to late teens. The advantages to this arrangement include dividing up the work, and sharing gear (see below). It also helps to have extra adult eyes around to watch your children while you are setting up your tent, cooking, or cleaning up a meal. For us it helps that all of the other families are familiar with various special needs, but you could just as easily go with some good "normative" friends, as long as they get it when you have to accommodate and support your child in various ways.

Safety in mind - Find out the particular safety concerns for your selected site. We have camped in bear territory twice now, though we haven't seen any bears (thank goodness!) we have to be careful about storing food, gathering trash, and generally keeping a neat and tidy campsite. There are other concerns like snakes, rivers, lakes, poison oak/ivy, etc. that you should keep in mind, plus sharp and hot tools that may be easier to access than usual. Carefully arranging your campsite and straightforward, frequent, clear warnings to your children help contain these risks. Nothing beats vigilance and preparation.

Find out what you will need - I found this packing list website this year, which helped us have pretty much everything on hand that we needed. Their list has extra space in each category for you to fill in any extras that you might need for your family. Here again be aware of your campsite's environment and amenities. Some have modern restrooms, others not so much. Our camp has frequent afternoon thunderstorms (not this year!) so having rain gear and dry firewood are a must.

Gather your gear - So camping gear can get pretty expensive, but by working together with your camp mates (if you choose this route) you can often share common gear like cook stoves, pots and pans, canopies, eating utensils, chairs and tables. We have added a piece or two of new gear to our stash each trip - this year we bought another air mattress and sleeping bags for the twins. You can borrow or rent gear, too. So far we borrow our tent every year.

Expect it to be messy - Driving into our campground this year we saw some children hiking by the road who were filthy from head to toe. We laughed and said, "Give our kids five minutes and they'll look just like that." It was true. It is easy to get dirty when you're camping, and dirt doesn't hurt (except maybe in the case of children with compromised immune systems, in which case, well you know best how to handle this...) There will also be times that you have to be flexible and inventive if you forget to pack something (like your daughter's swimsuit...ahem) or when your kid wants a nap when everyone else is setting out for a hike. Although this can be challenging, I also view it as a great way to stretch our daughter's coping skills. I really did forget her swimsuit this year, and she very calmly accepted the alternative of wearing some shorts and a tank top into the pool...a year ago that would have been unacceptable to her.

Have you ever taken a camping trip with your family? What tricks did you learn to make it work well for you? Thanks for sharing!

Insomnia? Some Tricks that May Help

So my sleep pattern is pretty much messed up and has been since last October or so. The unhealthy pattern I got into looked something like this:

I tuck the twins into bed and stay in their room to make sure they don't keep each other awake with their three-year-old stand up comedy and wrestling routine. Usually I would lay down (to rest my neck which is recovering from a long-term injury) and prop my laptop up to scroll through facebook, twitter, or blog streams or write a new post here. For a while I could do this and stay awake until the twins were asleep, then get up and do more work elsewhere in the house, head to bed at midnight and get up at seven to start the next day. The problem started between working too many nights after my midnight deadline coupled with jet lag after our trip to Bali last Fall. Soon I found myself falling asleep before the twins did. Then I was sleeping on the floor of their room until about 2:00 a.m, then crawling off to bed to sleep. Except...then I couldn't go back to sleep. I would lay in bed worrying about all the things I didn't get done, thinking about what I would have to do tomorrow (today), listening to my husband snore, etc. I'm doing what I can to change this pattern now, but I've learned a few tricks to help with the "can't get back to sleep" part of the problem that I thought I would share with you...in case you ever have a similar challenge.

The overall goal of these tricks is to get your mind occupied with something that is positive, but not too stimulating so that eventually you drift off to sleep. If one doesn't work another one might, depending on what frame of mind you're in.

• Be the anesthesiologist - If you've ever had surgery under general anesthesia, they often do a little trick with you to take your mind off of what is happening. They will ask you to count backward from 10 as they administer the drug to put you into la la land. Most people don't make it past 7 before they are out. I do a similar thing except I start from 100, and I try to pace my counting with my breaths, taking long slow steady breaths as if I am already asleep. Often I'm asleep before I hit the seventies...if I get further than that I either keep counting down, but try to go slower or I change techniques. Let your mind drift a little as you are counting as this makes it harder to keep track of which number you're on and makes it easier to drop off.
• Play the alphabet game - People use this on long car trips to make the time pass more quickly, but it works great for falling asleep, too. Think of a category of objects (vegetables, animals, songs, fruits, etc.) and try to think of one object for each letter of the alphabet. So if you're thinking of animals, it's: A - alligator, B - butterfly, C - cougar...To make it extra challenging you can go backwards: Z - zebra, Y - yak, X - x-ray fish...Often I try to come up with characteristics or names of God, which can turn insomnia into devotional time.
• Use some visual imagery - There are a couple of different imagery techniques that I've found work really well. The first one is to imagine a large book open on a table (an unabridged dictionary, for example). Now imagine slowly closing the book so that the pages are all meeting in the middle. If you get too close to the cover, just imagine a few more pages, or close more slowly. This sounds simple, but is surprisingly effective. The second idea is to imagine a red background, and then picture a white object in front of it. I often use some Christian symbol (a cross or a dove, for example). I suggested this to a friend and she said that when she tried it she couldn't get the color red. I actually think that's part of what makes this work. It's not easy to imagine an all red background and then put something white in front of it. While your brain gets busy with that you can relax and go to sleep...unless you get stressed out about not being able to make red...in which case try something else.

So this is what works for me when I just can't drop off to sleep. Very rarely nothing will work, and in those times I assume there's something God's trying to tell me, so I get up and find something to do that gives me time to think and pray. It's sort of like fasting from sleep. Usually after I've spent that time working things out with God I can fall asleep easily.

Let me know if you have any similar tricks to head off insomnia...it's always good to have more tools in the kit. Just click on comments below.

Rerun Book Review - When I Feel Angry

Recycling is good, right? I have a movie that I've been wanting to review for you, and I have watched it, but I haven't had the time to really give it all of the attention I usually give to a review. Partly that is because we are back at my mother-in-law's house. You can read a little about how that is going here. Meanwhile this book, which I originally reviewed back in October 2009 would be an excellent read for several members of the household, self included...Since several of you probably didn't know this blog existed back then I will save you the trip through the archives to locate it. Enjoy!

After a day like today I need this book almost as much as my child does. I love the title. It is so realistic. It doesn't say "If I Get Angry" or "When I Am Angry" or "I Shouldn't Get Angry." This book assumes, rightly, that your child will feel angry; it emphasizes that this is a feeling, not a state of being; it even acknowledges that there are times when anger is a fine response. However, it encourages positive ways to work through the anger - taking deep breaths, getting some exercise, or finding something fun to do (distraction!)

I hope I modeled this well at least once today. We were decorating Halloween cookies and my daughter really wanted some of them to have spider webs on them. In my rather limited decorating repertoire this was going to be challenging at best, plus the cookie decorating was supposed to be a structured activity to keep her busy while I was making dinner. Anyway I attempted the spider web but the decorating trip clogged and my attempts to clean it out didn't help. Meanwhile dinner was waiting on the stove and the twins were dancing at my feet wanting attention, too. I said, pretty calmly, "I'm going to have to stop working on cookies now. I'm getting too frustrated." Then I turned my attention to dinner. My daughter was a little upset that we had to stop, but while I finished dinner we processed it a little bit and I emphasized that sometimes when we are getting frustrated we need to take a break.

The story book follows the adventures of a cute little bunny girl as she realizes that some things that make her angry can't be fixed, but some can. She learns to get help figuring it out and to spend time talking and listening to work things out. The pictures are all darling. The text, in my opinion, is written at a great level even for children with language processing issues. The ideas take a little practice to remember and act on in the heat of the moment, but they are all solid re-regulating ideas.

Enjoy!

Finding Rest

The other day I was sitting with a friend telling him how tired I have been lately - that I can fall asleep on the floor for 5-6 hours without even meaning to. Basically anytime I stop moving my body is demanding sleep. He pointed out that when I do things I usually give 164% - meaning I'm not satisfied with just getting things done, they have to be done to the best of my ability and then some. "Give yourself a break."

Then yesterday a firetruck drove by our house - not at all unusual - but the siren wasn't on. The child and my boy saw it and told me about it. When I told them I didn't hear it, the child said, "The siren wasn't on because fire people need to rest sometimes, Mom. That's what God said."

If she gets it, why can't I?

There is a lot to do around here, and I really have been trying to keep up with my regular work plus catch up on a long list of deferred projects. None of it is worth losing rest over, though. So these are some of the things I'm trying to remind myself to do:

• Take it when you can get it. My twins still take a nap almost every day. It is one of my favorite times of day. They share a room, and without some supervision at the beginning of nap time they will talk and play (and body slam) with each other instead of going to sleep. Some time ago I started sitting in the room with them, watching them only peripherally while I read or worked on my laptop. If I did not take this time to stop each day I would undoubtedly just run myself ragged. I still get stuff done, but it is quiet, sitting, and it's as close as I get to me time each day.  Now what I will do when they stop napping? I dunno yet.
• Listen to your body. When it says it is tired it means it. I'm still hoping it's just sleep deficit that has me so drained, but soon-ish I'll be up for my annual check up and will ask the doctor to check for any underlying concerns - anemia or thyroid issues. Meanwhile I'm trying to be good and sleep when I need to. Easier said than done.
• Pat yourself on the back for all that you do. This goes to the 164% problem. I have a weekly to do list (seriously it's a spreadsheet that tracks what I do/don't do each week). It's kind of like the half-full/half-empty glass question. Which one will I focus on? I tend to get after myself for the lingering project from November and the other things I didn't do. For some reason I forget the 21 meals (plus snacks) I prepared, the 7 loads of laundry I washed (OK maybe didn't fold), the daily fun activities for the kids, the writing, the office work, etc. etc. etc. that I DID GET DONE! At the end of the week there's way more that I did than I didn't. I need to remember that.
• The ultimate source of rest is God. So the main reason I focus on what I didn't do is worry. It always has been my biggest struggle to keep from worrying about things. I used to worry when I didn't have something to worry about. Really. I'm getting better. Still I need to remember that God wants to and will take care of me and provide what I need for each situation.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)

How do you find rest?

He is There

I want to take a break from the Proverbs 31 series to share an insight gained in my small group Bible study earlier this evening. We are studying Jesus Christ: The Greatest Life Ever Lived, which combines the four gospel accounts into one amazing story of Jesus' life and ministry. We were reading the fairly familiar story of Jesus calming the storm. Here is the account from Mark 4:35-41 (NIV). You can also find the story in Matthew 8:18-27 and Luke 8:22-25:

     That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, "Let us go over to the other side." Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"
     He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
     He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"
     They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!"

There were several thoughtful questions in our study guide, but the one that hit me the hardest was, "Why do you think the disciples waited to wake up Jesus?" You need to remember that a good number of Jesus' disciples were fishermen. They were quite confident of their ability to handle a boat. You also need to know that the Sea of Galilee is geographically prone to sudden, intense storms. Warm, humid air over the lake intersects with cool air funneled in by the nearby mountain passes. These men had probably handled storms before in their boats. There wasn't a lot of time or warning when this storm started, so they just got busy bailing water and taking in sail, and doing whatever else they needed to do to stay afloat. Waking up Jesus seems to be an afterthought when things were getting desperate. Maybe they thought he should help bail water, or at least be ready to abandon ship. In any case they are baffled that he is sleeping through the whole thing.

It's easy to think in my 21st century perspective that these disciples just didn't get it....until I realize that I do the same thing. When "storms" arise in my life I get busy. Maybe the challenge is unexpected, maybe there is just a lot to do, but for whatever reason I throw myself into the activity of making it through the storm forgetting that the One who can help me calm the storm is there the whole time. Quite often my boat is nearly swamped before I turn to Jesus with my favorite prayer, "Help!" Why do I wait so long? Because I think I can handle it, because I'm busy, because I forget that he is there.

In the story Jesus is sleeping. His physical body was fatigued from the many hours of teaching and touching lives that he had just experienced. We, however, can be assured that he does not sleep, nor does he slumber (Psalm 121:3). He knows the storms we are passing through and he is there, waiting and wanting to help. We just need to ask. In the story Jesus rebukes the wind and waves and everything becomes calm immediately. I don't think we are promised this same result. There are storms that He asks us to go through, but if he will not calm the storm he will calm us.

He is there and he is in control.

Sunday Digest 32

I hope, dear reader, that you will enjoy these lovely links as much as I have. While I don't have time to read everything that is out there (who does?) when I find something I like I set it aside to share it with you. These are the best that I've seen out there. Be sure to let them know you found them through The Simple Life...and thank you!

1) Here is a great post about enjoying life with our kids...loving being a Mom instead of being a therapy coordinator and advocate. Not that those parts of special needs parenting aren't important. They are, and we really can't avoid them, but taking a step back to snuggle on the couch or do some art just for fun can be just as important - for us and for our kids. (By mom2spiritedboys at Hopeful Parents)

2) Interesting how different diagnoses can lead to similar...um...challenges. This post (also at Hopeful Parents) is about a little boy with Prader Willi Syndrome who likes to have the same conversation with his mom over, and over, and over. We have similar conversations at our house. It gets old. For my daughter sometimes there is just a communication breakdown - either I'm not understanding what she's asking or she's not understanding what I'm answering. But sometimes it is just comfortable to re-tread the same conversational path, like slipping on your favorite shoes. Why try anything new when this works so well? (By Lisa Peters)

3) So the DSM is due to be revised in 2013. The DSM is the big gray book on Doctor's shelf that is used to describe all the various conditions and disorders so that everyone uses the same rules when they give a diagnosis. Or that's the idea anyway. This is where the criteria for autism, high-functioning autism, PDD-NOS, and Aspergers Syndrome (the full spectrum)  are outlined. There will be some changes which are already being hotly debated in the autism community. I haven't spent much time reading or thinking about it yet, which is partly why this post at Autism and Oughtisms intrigues me. There's certainly plenty to think about here, and useful links regarding the specific proposed changes at the bottom.

4) Something no one wants to think about, but we all should - what happens to our special needs children when we're no longer here. Of course we all plan to stick around, but no one is promised tomorrow and no one is immortal. My fellow 5 Minutes for Special Needs contributor, Lee, posted a great piece about some key things to put in order. This is a must do.

5) Lastly, I love this story about a teacher encouraging one of her students to use his skills to benefit other students. Isn't this what education is supposed to be about? (By Joanna L. Keating-Velasco at OUR Journey Thru Autism)

Mean What You Say...

First, apologies again for disappearing. I have still been making my posts over at 5 Minutes For Special Needs. My two most recent posts there will explain a lot of my disappearance. We had Spring Break the first week of April. I thought I was going to keep up my blogging, but we went to visit my dear Mother-in-Law. It was a harder visit than I had anticipated, and many things I had hoped to accomplish in my spare time were not achieved. When we returned home I thought I would pick up where I had left off, but realized pretty quickly that where I had left off was "Really Way too Far Behind On Everything". I spent last week trying to catch up. I think I have my act together now, but we'll see. There's a lot going on right now, and writing, though wonderfully fulfilling for me, has to fit in the down times, and there have been precious few of those. I was stunned to see how long it had been since I posted. Ah well...jumping back in with both feet...

All it took was a snap. No matter what else was happening, we would hear that snap and come to full attention. My father lead the congregational singing in the church that I grew up in. My mom was often singing in the choir or playing organ or piano. This meant that both of my parents would be on the platform during a good portion of the worship service, leaving my brother and I to sit in the pew alone. The hard wooden pew, with not much besides a church bulletin and a pencil to keep us occupied. Under these conditions it was often hard to keep from pestering each other, or finding some other amusement like dusting the pews with our Sunday best. No matter what distraction we managed to find, when my mom would see us getting out of line she would just snap her fingers. We knew then that she had seen us, and that if we continued in our current activity we would likely be embarrassed in front of God and everyone by her marching down off the platform and removing us for a "talking to" in the restroom. We got the message and straightened up...already knowing that we might get a scolding after church for misbehaving in the first place. We knew that snap, and we paid attention to it.

I don't have a very good snap yet, but I have a different signal with my kids when I really need them to pay attention. I start the countdown. Depending on what is happening I start at different numbers, but when I start counting backward they know that I really mean business, and generally they get moving.

I'm sure you've experienced this scenario:

"Honey, I need you to put your blocks back in their box." [no response...child continues playing]
"Time to clean up the blocks, buddy." [no response...not even a flicker of recognition]

There are two options at this point. Lose your cool, or show them that you know they heard you. This is when I start counting. For a "clean up your toys" situation when it really doesn't matter too much how long it takes them to do it as long as it gets done, I might start at 10. Usually by the time I get to 5 my kids will start acting on my request without me needing to even repeat it. If you really think they didn't hear you (like in a noisy environment or if they are running full tilt on a playground with their best friends) you can precede the countdown with a third request accompanied by full eye contact and gentle physical touch. If I'm in more of a hurry I start the countdown at 5. If it is urgent (like a possible safety concern) or if I sense true defiance I start the countdown at 3. The only time I don't give a countdown is if there is imminent danger, then I just intervene as calmly as possible.

There is a big caveat to this technique. You have to follow through. The first dozen or so times you countdown your child may not think you mean it. Particularly if they are used to you asking them to do something without them responding and then you end up doing it for them. Or if you often tell them to be ready to go in 5 minutes, but then get caught up in conversation with your friend and 20 minutes go by before you're really ready to go. You have to mean what you say. If you don't care enough about it to follow through, then don't even bother to make the request. So now your scenario can look like this:

"Honey, I need you to put your blocks back in their box." [no response...child continues playing]

"Time to clean up the blocks, buddy." [no response...not even a flicker of recognition]
"5...4...3...2...1" [child does not budge]
Go over to the child and touch their shoulder (gently, that's the hard part!)
"Time to clean up, now." Put your hand on their hand and guide them to pick up a block and put it in the box. Repeat as necessary. They may resist. They may argue, but the blocks are getting put away and you have shown them that you really mean it.

You may need to repeat this method many, many times, depending on how strong-willed your child is, and on how long you've let them get away with ignoring your requests. We did more countdowns than the entire history of NASA at our house last year. I still do at least a couple of countdowns daily, mostly with my twins now.

Never do a countdown without following through, and if you're asking your child to do something, always be prepared to do a countdown. It's a snap.

Remembering To Do What We Already Know

Here's my latest post over at 5 Minutes for Special Needs. I don't always remember to link this up here. I figure people are more likely to find these pages from there than the other way around. This one can be taken from a very practical side (using a visual schedule) but is also a philosophical mindset that I'm trying to apply. If I already know how to help my daughter in many ways, then half of the victory is just remembering to do it, instead of taking the lower barrier approach of losing my temper!

Book Review - Parenting with Love and Logic

It is hard reviewing parenting classics. Last time I tried this I could not give a glowing review. This time around I'm a little more positive. I had heard a lot about "Love and Logic" parenting, but I had never read the book, so when I saw this goodie sitting in our preschool's parent library I snatched it up. It turns out that I do a lot of their recommendations already: giving children limited choices to help them learn to think for themselves, setting limits, and sometimes allowing for natural consequences. What I am perhaps missing is the calm finesse the authors characterize as "consultant parenting." I tend more toward their "drill sergeant" mode, so I've been working on that with some success. One key point that I've taken away and that seems to be helping the general flow of life around here is that I should not allow my kids' problems to be my problems, unless they are truly too big for the child to handle on their own. Lately when the twins come with their latest "tattle tale report" instead of dropping everything to go sort out the situation I say, "Did you use your words? Tell them you don't like that," and I offer a kiss to help them find their nice strong voice. Unless there is a safety issue in question this keeps me out of the fray and lets them learn to handle hard situations, which they will eventually need to do on their own anyway. Wouldn't you like your child to be able to say,"I don't like that!" when another child is picking on them? There are a few things I really liked about this book:

• First, they present their overall philosophy and then they provide a ton of real life situations (48) where their principles can be applied. Everything from pacifiers to internet use is covered at least briefly. It helps you see that this is not pie in the sky parenting advice, but really can work in a variety of situations. One of those 48 suggestions covers when to get professional help. I wish I had read that page about four years ago. It might have saved us a few months of heartache.
• Second, their view of spanking is not that it is "wrong" per se, but that it is ineffective compared with other techniques they say leave children "wishing for a spanking." Considering that some of the natural consequences they suggest include the child paying for their own babysitter...um, yeah. Around here that could bankrupt a kid pretty fast. This is much more in line with my current thinking on this hot button topic. We avoid spankings almost entirely around here and have replaced them with several more effective techniques.
• Third, they actually mention special needs children. Once. On page 130. It is presented in the context of how to help children handle bullies. If I have a beef with this book it is that they don't address special needs children and their parenting more, but at least they recognize we exist, briefly. I think a lot of the ideas in this book can be applied to special needs children directly - with developmental age taken into consideration - but it would be nice to hear the authors thoughts on this community. Not everything will work. The extended heart to heart discussions of a child's behavior post facto would probably spiral us back into the situation, and even if they didn't would not result in the "aha" moments described in the book. Language is just too much of a barrier for this to be effective for us.

One thing that I'm going to have to watch out for as I practice more of these techniques is that I maintain the right "voice" as I deliver the various parental  messages they endorse. The calm component is a big challenge with my short fuse temper. Providing choices just doesn't come across the same when offered at drill sergeant volume by a beet red face. The empathy component of delivering consequences is also hard to remember for the same reason. It would be easy to slip into either anger or sarcasm (which is lost on the child anyway) instead of the shared sadness the authors advocate.

Five Tips for IEP Preparation

Today I attended my first triennial Individual Education Plan (IEP) meeting. It was not for our daughter, but for a friend of ours. I was glad to go because our first triennial will happen sometime in the next few months here (it's complicated) and I wanted to see what it was like. In today's meeting the answer was: LONG, crowded, and more to come. In this case eleven people were in the meeting room and five were conferenced in by phone. Six people had some kind of report to read and there were quite a few goals to review and revise. I'm still on a big learning curve when it comes to IEP meetings, but there are some things that I think are generally helpful no matter what sort of meeting you're heading into...

Don't go alone. Let's face it - it's intimidating sitting in a room with a bunch of experts often using professional lingo that you may or may not understand, trying to listen to what they are saying, writing things down so you can remember what was said later, thinking about how to respond, keeping emotions in check, etc. Bring a friend, a fellow special needs parent, or another family member. Even if the other person just takes notes it will let you focus more on the other roles you must play during the meeting. This is the role I filled for our friend, taking eight pages of notes.

Remember you are part of the team. This cuts two ways. First, it means that you should try at all times to maintain a professional demeanor. There may be times when this is extremely difficult, which I can say from personal experience. As a parent your emotions will be running strong, but it's really important to keep your cool. Second, don't discount the importance of your role. The other members of the team may know more about speech, occupational therapy, psychology, education or behavior theory, but you know more about your child. You know that they like the color yellow for everything or that they really hate it when the seams on their socks get under their toes. You know how their day at school affects the rest of their day, and you know how to get them to do stuff. You know what works and what doesn't, and THIS is the key to truly individualizing an education plan. There are a lot of general practices that work most of the time for some kids, but you know the little tweaks that will make it work for your kid. Without your input the experts can be left experimenting, and this can waste precious time.

Ask for reports ahead of time. Particularly if there has been a recent assessment, but even for simple progress reports, it is good to look written reports over before you're at the meeting. Remember you will be busy listening, thinking, responding, and staying calm. The last thing you want to be doing is reading through a report laced with jargon, graphs, and test scores in the midst of all this activity. We have generally found that even requesting reports ahead of time you may not get them until the day before, but it's still worth it to read through the reports. Mark things you agree with, things you disagree with, questions you have, and action items that you can draw out of the report.


Go in with clear expectations. I call these my bare minimums. I go into the meeting knowing what I want to come out with. Careful here - you may not get it! It's still good to go in with a list of what you want to see happen. You may decide during the meeting that what the school is offering is equivalent, sufficient, better, or unacceptable, but if you go in without knowing what you want then you won't know how to respond at all.

Give yourself time to reflect. I know I always need a few hours (or days, even) after an IEP meeting to process my emotions, consider what was offered or suggested, and formulate my response. We do not sign approval on the IEP plan until after this processing time is over. You are required to sign that you were present at the meeting, but you don't have to approve the IEP until you are ready to do so. This can sometimes mean a second meeting, but sometimes (as in today's meeting) that has to happen anyway. Often you can just meet your child's case manager (the school staff member who coordinates IEP actions) to sign the paperwork if that is all that is needed. Also be aware that you, as a member of the IEP team, have the right to call another meeting at any time, so even after you sign an IEP if you have concerns that something isn't working for your child you can revisit the plan and work together to address your concerns.

Finally, I wanted to note again that for parents of faith an IEP meeting often has a spiritual component. One of my early posts here addressed those concerns. You can view that post here.

What's your favorite IEP tip?

Shopping with Kids

I don't know about you, but my list of errands about doubled this week. Extra shopping for gifts, special meals, parties, and trips to the post office mean more times out and about with kids in tow. I am fortunate that my husband works from home a couple of days a week, so if I time things properly I can run my errands while the little ones are having their afternoon nap, but there are days like today when I have several errands to run and I need to bring all of the kids with me. Over the last couple of years I've developed a method for keeping the chaos of these trips to a bearable level. I thought I'd share them here today just in time for the last minute holiday madness.

First, I think the most important thing is to know your kids' limits. I did three errands today, but two of them were short and within walking distance of each other. This minimized the number of trips in and out of the car and also provided some opportunity for linear movement (walking with a purpose). The other errand was a little on the long side, so I pulled out some extra ammunition (see below). I know which shopping cart my kids prefer, who likes to sit where, etc. Knowing all of these details helps me plan the trip and keep things positive, which is the overarching goal.

Second, you must be calm and organized. This is not the time to wander through the store tossing things into your basket randomly or pausing for several minutes to decide which pasta sauce you want this week. Make a list. Check it twice. Moving quickly but efficiently will help your kids stay nice. I actually have a road map that I follow through the store - starting at the produce, working my way through the middle aisles, stopping at the meat counter, then hitting the dairy and bread aisle before check out. My kids know this pattern, so they know when we get to the dairy aisle that we're almost done. The routine keeps us all on task. I even mark the items on my list according to which section they're in so before I leave each section I'm sure I've gotten everything from there.

Third, expect it to take longer and expect your children to get bored. When I am able to shop solo I can get in and out of the store with a whole week's worth of groceries in less than 45 minutes (if I have to) but that same list takes me well over an hour with the kids in tow. The cart we use is bigger and harder to steer. There are pauses to visit the bathroom or to issue reminders. It is just slower, and I think that is fine in some ways. The slow but steady pace can keep everyone more regulated. However, it's good to plan some distractions along the way to make the time pass. I bring a little snack from home for everyone. Everyone can choose a small toy to bring along. Our grocery store has "kiddie carts" with a car at the front that two kids can sit in - each with their OWN steering wheel. We rearrange seating sometimes so all three kids can have a turn "driving". I offer my older daughter the opportunity to help by choosing fruits or vegetables, crossing things off the list, putting produce in bags, or doing some heavy work by putting jugs of milk or juice in the cart. This all keeps her engaged, busy, and regulated.

Fourth, I am not above a PROPERLY executed bribe. I know if my grocery list has more than 30 items on it that it's going to be challenging to keep the kids all behaving well the whole time without some reward in sight. So, before we leave the house I choose a small treat (today it was one chocolate kiss per child) and hide it in my purse. Then I prime the kids: "We need to go to the meat market, the post office, and the grocery store. It might be a long trip. If you can follow our rules the whole time that we are gone I have a little treat for you." It's important that the expectations are made clear when the reward is offered...this is TOTALLY different than offering a kid a treat in the middle of a meltdown to try to get them back on track. Using treats to re-regulate from the middle of a tantrum just reinforces negative behavior. Using treats to reward good behavior when that is what has been promised builds trust, keeps positive behavior as the goal, and rewards children for reaching our expectations. I also reserve this tool for those particularly challenging errands like today when my grocery list was almost half again its usual length.

I'd love to hear any additional ideas you use when shopping with your kids. I still have several shopping trips to go this week...

Finding Empathy for your Child

This may not be the most "practical" of my practical tips, but it is important, and it is fresh in my brain not to mention begging to be redeemed, so here goes...

This afternoon I set out on my weekly adventure to run errands, this time accompanied by my oldest daughter. We have a nice little errand routine that has made it almost pleasant, though exceedingly slow, to run errands. Today we needed to visit the library (to return a book at the drive through book drop), the bank, and the grocery store. Sounds simple enough, right?

As I was preparing to turn left into the library book drop lane I noticed an elderly woman driving the opposite direction and decided that though she was proceeding slowly I needed to yield right of way. It's a tight turn and I didn't want to cut her off. I stopped in my lane, so I had plenty of time to see her equally elderly passenger and figured they were having a nice chat as they putted along. As I negotiated the turn into the library I noticed another older woman pedestrian hot on my trail on the passenger side of my van. She was close enough that I was a bit worried I might hit her while also trying to line up with the book drop. She tapped on my passenger side front window. I thought maybe she needed directions or was confused about where the entrance to the library is, so I rolled down that window, but she crossed right in front of my van(!) and came around to the driver's side window. By now I could see she was angry, but I rolled down my window and asked nicely if I could help her. She started yelling at me about stopping so long and letting my exhaust fumes get in her face. I sat there, fully aware that my daughter was hearing every word and watching every response on my part, hoping my face had an appropriate response, angry for the tongue lashing when I hadn't done anything wrong, trying to figure out what to say to make this irritating person leave so I could complete my errand. I said something to the effect of, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I didn't realize that had happened," and instead of accepting my apology or leaving in a huff the woman threatened to call the police next time it happened. (I was not aware that exhaust fumes had ACTUALLY been outlawed, YET.) She then proceeded to call me a crude name as she fumed (sorry, couldn't resist) off into the parking garage. I lamely yelled after her that she shouldn't swear in front of my daughter... (Oh, good comeback, me!)

As I then struggled to return my soon to be overdue video a kind pedestrian who had evidently witnessed the exchange offered to help me, but there wasn't anything she could do about it. I probably responded somewhat rudely to her out of my shock...and drove off in a fog to the bank. My daughter was peppering me with questions. Why did that woman yell at you? What did you not want her to say in front of me? Why should she not say that in front of me? What did you do? etc. etc. Fortunately my continued confusion, embarrassment and shock kept my answers short, to the point, and flat in effect. Somewhere in the middle of the produce aisle I could finally function without constantly thinking about this emotional attack from an absolute stranger. It still makes my stomach twitch just to recount it here.

Part of what helped me move beyond the nastiness of that moment, was a still small voice that said,

"Imagine how your daughter feels when you yell at her."

It gave some meaning to the experience. I've learned a lot in the last couple of years to help keep my temper under better control, but I still have my moments. I'm told that everyone does. It's been a while since someone older than me gave me a tongue lashing that they thought I deserved. No matter how undeserved it was in this instance, I imagine that my visceral responses were fairly similar to what my daughter, and any child, must experience when they're being loudly scolded:

confusion

embarrassment

shock

anger

how do I make this person go away

loss of social functioning

There is one really significant difference in the experience. I have no idea who this woman is. Even though we live in a small town, I will likely never see her again (I can hope!) After all my processing it was pretty easy to brush off her opinion of my driving ability, and whatever else she chose to judge in me. When I yell at my kids, they have to live with me the rest of that moment, that day, and beyond. They value my opinion (a little I think) and some piece of their self-image is built upon my responses to them.

I wish I could say I'll never yell at my kids again...that is unrealistic. It did help me keep my cool as I handled bedtime solo tonight. I hope, however, that this experience will give me a little more empathy for what they are feeling when I'm angry with them and will modify my own responses. I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below. How do you find empathy for your child?

CD Review - VeggieTales Sing-Alongs Rock-a-Bye Veggie

I have to admit, I was a bit skeptical when someone gave us this CD a few years back. I enjoy the VeggieTale shows, but had not heard any of the music, and I expected it to be somewhat like listening to Alvin and the Chipmunks - cute but eventually annoying. It may be that this is a particularly special case. I still haven't listened to any other VeggieTale CDs, but I actually enjoy this one a lot. The other day when my youngest daughter asked to listen to some music I voluntarily put on this CD. Really.

Part of the reason I like it is because the songs are ostensibly lullabies. The music is all really mellow and it shows when the kids listen to it. My children will dance to just about anything even remotely upbeat. (I am always fascinated by this since neither their father nor their mother enjoy dancing - we didn't even dance at our wedding. But I digress...) With the Veggies serenading us my children will play quietly and listen more closely to the songs they are most familiar with. When I find something that helps maintain a calm mood around our house, I like it!

I also like the selection of songs. Some of them are just classic lullabies, like Rock a Bye Baby, Brahm's Lullaby and All the Pretty Little Horses (my favorite!) However they've also included several "old" hymns like For the Beauty of the Earth, This is My Father's World, and Morning Has Broken. If you can get past the fact that you're listening to a singing tomato, or cucumber, or asparagus (which isn't too hard) there are even some pretty nice harmonies. There are some humorous verbal side notes and some really beautiful verses added to the classics.

After all of the songs play with lyrics there are "split-tracks" with just the instrumental versions. These, of course, are even more calming than the vocal versions.

In all it is a more refreshing and enjoyable musical experience than I could have imagined. Someday I hope it will be our entrance point to the movies which so far have been too complicated for my oldest daughter to understand. I think maybe I'll dig out the Christmas show soon and see if she gets it this year...

Sunday Digest 25

Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Next week we have our big pie and praise festival at our church. It almost snuck up on me this year. Usually I plan carefully which pie I'll be bringing. I always bring an alternative to pumpkin because I don't like pumpkin pie, and I know someone else will bring the pumpkin for everyone else who does like it. I know...it's almost un-American to not like pumpkin pie. What can I say? Anyway, I'm finding myself with a lot to be thankful for. So much that I'm a beat or so behind where I need to be. Not so busy that I haven't had time to find you some good reads/listens on the internet. Read on in this SILVER (25th!) edition of the best of the rest...

1) We love fidgets, and this link (found via OUR Journey Thru Autism) has some good ideas for a fidget bag that is suitable for keeping in a school binder, and the fidgets to put into it. Children with sensory integration and self-regulation issues often have a hard time quieting their body for events like circle time, assemblies, waiting in line, and working quietly at their desk. Fidgets are usually small, interesting but not too stimulating (fine line here) objects that a student can keep in their hand to help them keep the rest of their body quiet. I kind of self-discovered this way back when I was in college and I was finding it hard to pay attention in some of my faster-paced, content-intensive classes. I made a bean bag, which I called my blob and I would hold it in one hand while I wrote with the other. My daughter responds well to fidgets and we used to carry a fidget bag just about everywhere we went. She still has one or two available at school when she needs them.

2) One of the reasons I re-started The Simple Life was to explore ideas of teaching matters of faith to children with special needs. I recently saw this excerpt of a speech by a Jewish Rabbi. I think many of the ideas expressed here could be applied in other faiths, and I believe this is one of the upcoming challenges to churches, synagogues and other places of worship. We need to be prepared. Many parents that I've met don't feel like their special needs children are welcome in their house of worship...and that is beyond sad in my opinion.

3) This story from Eren over at Steady Mom will help you feel good about how our children, of all abilities, can inspire and teach us if we let them. Technically no special needs involved here, but talk about underdogs.

4) My 5th grade French teacher posted a link to this interview on Facebook. I love how Facebook reconnects us with so many different influences...The interview on NPR is with a woman, Heather Sellers, who is affected by "face blindness" - basically she has no memory of what people's faces look like, even people she knows well like her husband and colleagues at work. You can listen to the interview, and read an excerpt from her book "You Don't Look Like Anyone I Know". This is one more reminder to me of how fragile our brains really are...and I can't help but wonder if this disorder is somehow related to the misfirings of autism that lead to similar difficulties with reading social cues like facial expressions.

5) Tammy and Parker are hosting a Boardmaker Studio giveaway over at 5 Minutes for Special Needs.com. I've not used Boardmaker personally, but I know it is widely used for PECS (picture exchange communication systems), visual schedules, social stories, and other visual aids. My kid seems to need pictures of her real life situation most of the time, so we're wearing out our digital camera, but Boardmaker can be a really useful tool. And they're GIVING it away...the giveaway is open until November 15, so you have ONE DAY LEFT to head over there and sign up...

So I am Thankful for fidgets, faith, children, faces, and giving. I am thankful for you, my faithful readers, and I wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving season!

Linear Movement - I Like!

I had never heard of linear movement until I read this post by Hartley. If you follow the link you'll see my comment there asking her what it is, and her answer - basically it is purposeful movement from one place to another. I immediately saw the value in this for my daughter. She has, in fact, shown me how powerful it can be. Some time ago when she first took on the job of putting away her own laundry she would make several trips from our living room where I generally fold laundry to her dresser. One trip for each type of clothing - pants, shirts, sock, underwear, etc. I always thought it would be easier for her if I put everything in a basket  in her room, but she wanted to make those trips. It helped her calm down and was very organizing.

***

Saturday we spent half of our day at church. I was working on reorganizing our Sunday School room which was topsy turvy after some recent renovations. We brought entertainment for the kids (scooters, a video, snacks, etc.) but it was still a lot of time in one spot with not much input from mom. They did well on Saturday. Sunday was a different story for our daughter. Surprisingly she did not protest going to Sunday School, but during Sunday School she had a hard time self-regulating (intel from the teacher) and after Sunday School when she learned that we needed to stay a while longer so that Dad could attend/help run a business meeting she approached meltdown. Shouting, grabbing toys, you name it. Then once we were ready to go home she started resisting again. The ride home was not pleasant. Fortunately we've arranged seats so that she has her own row in the van, but she found some things to torment the person in front of her (me.) Fortunately I was not driving. We needed to stop and fill the gas tank which was just going to prolong the agony. By divine intervention (I think) the first gas station we stopped at was out of order...all of the pumps were out of order...how often does that happen? So we decided to go to one closer to home. As we approached the gas station I received some inspiration...linear movement. I told my husband that when he reached the gas station my daughter and I would get out and walk the rest of the way home. It was a distance of about six blocks. We walked at her pace. We did not talk. I made minimal eye contact just to make sure she was safe. It worked well. By the time we were home she had regained her equilibrium. And it gave everyone else (even me) a nice break, too.

Between a social skills class we did over the Summer and some strategies at school we've been slowly building a repertoire of activities that help her re-regulate and we're putting her in charge of them. I think linear movement needs to go in the box...but I need a kid friendly name for it. Any suggestions?

This post is participating in the Moms' 30-Minute Blog Challenge at Steady Mom.

Sometimes It Is the Little Stuff

I'm sure that the custodian thought the floor was pretty clean. I'm hoping my daughter wasn't collecting glitter off the floor when she was supposed to be listening to her teacher. Still I couldn't help but be enchanted this afternoon when I picked her up from her second day of first grade at her new school. She walked out of the classroom and said, "Mom, I brought you some treasure." As she opened her hand I expected to see something, and had to blink a few times at her apparently empty hand. Luckily the sunlight glinted off of two tiny particles of shiny-ness, one pink and one blue. "Did you work with glitter today?" I asked. "No, I just found these on the floor for you. Put them somewhere safe so you won't lose them." We agreed to put them in my hard shell glasses case, which I figured would be easier to retrieve them from than any other place, just in case she quizzed me on their whereabouts later. We almost lost one just trying to transfer it to the case. A couple of things fascinate me about this...

First - who would notice a couple of flecks of glitter on the floor AND take the time to collect them AND "keep them safe" AND choose to give them to Mommy as treasure. Just MY kid, that's who. How many beautiful things do you walk right by every day? When you do notice beauty do you find a way to share it with someone? One of my favorite new blogs to follow is Lisa Leonard Online. She is a special needs Mom who publishes a lot of photography and makes beautiful jewelry. A lot of her photos are simply noticing beautiful things and capturing them in a creative frame. I need to step back from my "get it done" attitude and take some time to enjoy the touches of beauty that surround me more often...and then share them somehow.

Second - you may wonder why I played along...why encourage this kind of odd practice. There are several reasons. See my first point, above. I need to stop and enjoy little things, and my daughter sort of forces me to do so. It's a gift. Also, I know that giving "treasure" to people is one way that the child expresses love and affection...She's not real big on hugs, kisses, or mushy speeches. Instead she gives me her treasure. I'll take it. Lastly, by going along with this little scene she stayed calm through a transition (big deal!) and was able to reconnect with a peer who had helped her out earlier in the day. Priceless!

So I encourage you to seize the glitter. Gladly accept it from another's hand or stop and find some of your own. Either way it will bring joy to your heart.