J is for Jelly

Sometimes I wonder if the child can "read my mind." If so it is not a fully realized skill, at least based on this week's Alphabe-Thursday post. I thought for sure she would pick Jelly Beans for her J word...especially since her first field trip by school bus this past year was to a local Jelly Bean factory.

After some false starts she settled on the word Jelly. (Close, but not quite, Mom.)

Jelly is another staple around here. This week we just have grape, and it's just the generic store brand, so not that exciting of a photo...I know. All kind of plain isn't it...but in my book there is little better than hot buttered toast with a bit of grape jelly. Yum!

It is a bit of a bone of contention, though, too. Sometime in the middle of the school year the child started asking for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in her lunch. Not a problem. She generally gets on a streak where she wants the same thing for weeks on end. That's not a problem either, except that evidently she burned out on PB&J. Now it is Summer and we do a fair amount of packing lunches to take them on road trips, or to the park, or whatever. The easiest thing to pack is sandwiches and now she no longer wants peanut butter and Jelly. For a while she would eat meat and cheese, but no more. I personally like peanut butter and Jelly, but not together, so I've tried one half of each, but that was not satisfactory. To make matters worse, the boy has a mild peanut allergy, so I usually just give him Jelly and then...that's what she wants, but she needs the protein and he drinks milk (which she won't). It all sounds very minor until you know that when she isn't happy about something it displays with aggression, sometimes even hours later when I think the whole problem has blown over. When it's over something that I don't feel I can compromise on (like ingesting some protein) it's like being caught in a trap. Well today maybe I got a break. We had sandwiches for lunch and without batting an eye she requested peanut butter and Jelly again. You're sure? Yep.

So what was that all about? I'll never know...

Maybe Alphabe-Thursday just did me a huge favor!

Jump on over to all the other Jubilant Jiffies here.

Reprise - Timer Tools

We are feeling the sandwich squeeze for the next couple of weeks as we are taking on my mother-in-law's care to give my sister-in-law a little break, and hopefully enjoy Easter with Grandma. To make things a bit easier I am reposting this oldie but goodie - originally posted April 2010. I started using timers with the child, and now I find I use them for myself almost as much as I use them for her...my frazzled brain needs something to remind me that I was just about to do something. My daughter has also taken on setting her own timers - for when to do homework, how long to use her mouthwash, when I've told her she can watch a show. It is a great skill to learn. Timers are just wonderful...

Many children, but especially those with special needs, struggle with transitioning from one activity to another. One very powerful tool to helping a child with special needs navigate their day is the use of a visual schedule, but just knowing the order of events to expect may not be enough. How much "time" can be alotted for each activity may also need support tools. For children with special needs a portion of the struggle can be understood as a poor concept of time. How much time to do I have to play? When do I need to be ready to go to school? What time does the party start? When will my friend come to play? All of these questions and more may be hard to conceptualize, vocalize, or comprehend the answer to.

Allow me to introduce you to my favorite time keeping tools:

(pictured above, left to right, top to bottom)

The digital clock - ideally a child will also learn to use an analog clock at some time, but when a child has learned numbers up to 59 a digital clock can be a much more accessible tool. We use the digital clock in our car to talk about what time we need to be somewhere, and what time it is now...so are we running late and needing to hurry, or do we have plenty of time and can relax.

The Time Timer (TM) - available in many teaching supply stores, the Time Timer also comes in a smaller more portable version, and is an excellent tool for children who are extremely visual. "How much time do I have to play?", "We have 30 minutes before we need to get in the car. Would you like to see how much time that is?" After a lot of use the child knows a little red is a little time, etc. There is also an audible (but friendly!) beep when the timer reaches zero. Our favorite use for the Time Timer is to set a kind but firm limit on "snuggle time" in the morning before time to get dressed. Because we always use it for this function we need no verbal reminders of what it means when the timer beeps.

The sand timer - also available in many teaching supply stores, and in various lengths of time. We have a one minute timer and a two minute timer. Thankfully we don't use them too much any more. They were primarily used for "time outs". Our time outs are used to reinforce our house rules and as an opportunity to calm down. Using the sand timer can be beneficial because watching the sand flow from one side of the vessel to the other is mesmerizing and has a calming effect. Hooray!

The portable timer - excellent for trips to the park ("We need to leave in 5 minutes...I'm setting my timer"), events in the back yard, or anytime that we're moving around the house a lot. It can also be used when giving the child a choice (and a little control) over which timer they want to use. "You can play on the computer for five more minutes...would you like to use the red timer (Time Timer), the white timer (portable), or...

The kitchen timer - ours beeps until you turn it off, so it is harder to ignore and claim that it didn't run out yet. It's only downfall is that it is rather fixed in place, so it requires some back and forth if you are elsewhere in the house.

I think as our world becomes more hectic, more technological, and more complicated, everyone seems to struggle with time management. There's a whole arsenal of tools to help our kids begin early to learn skills to manage their time, and bring some measure of peace to the flow of our days.

Special thanks to two wonderful people, Clarissa Montanaro and Robin Hauge, who turned me on to the power of using timers with children with special needs. Please contact them at clarissamontanaro-AT-gmail-DOT-com for more information.

Sunday Digest 41

I think I'm slowly getting back into the swing of posting more frequently here (and keeping up at 5 Minutes, too...) Part of that is keeping up with following a lot of other blogs to keep the inspiration flowing. Here are some of the links I've come across in my perusing...

1) I wrote a post on Trisomy 9  about a month ago, and had the privilege of having a Trisomy 9 Mom stop by and comment on it. Turns out that Erin has her own blog where she writes about all the challenges they face. Here is a link to the story of her son's diagnosis, be sure to check out other posts, too.

2) OH...how I relate to Autism & Oughtisms post about the endless questions of childhood. Oh yes, we've been there, and still go there every once in a while. I've even blogged about it. "Why don't you crash into the car in front of you, Mommy?" was the child's favorite question for about three months and every time we were driving in the mini-van she would ask. Sadly we saw a bad car accident on the side of the road one day on the way home, and when I told her that's what happens when you crash, the question turned into "What happens to the car after it's crashed?" and I answered that one every time we saw a tow truck hauling a smashed up vehicle. Now I am asked to recall the finest details of my own childhood...and "I don't remember" is not a satisfactory answer. And yet, when I consider how hard she has worked to get her language to the level of asking questions...I swallow my impatience and try hard to answer in a way that will keep the conversation going.

3) Another been there, done that, moment from Bird on the Street - who has an older child with special needs, and twins (just like me)...but she's pregnant with baby number four, and we're not going there...hat's off to you, Katy! Anyway Katy tells the story of taking her three children to the pediatrician. Those of you without kids are thinking "What's hard about that?" and those with children are thinking "What was she thinking?" I actually do this all the time because I prefer the short term chaos to having three separate appointments where I have to find child care for one or two other children; but it ain't fun...let me tell you. Or let Katy tell you...

4) Had to check in with Praying for Parker. All of Tammy's posts teach me a lot. This one was especially touching to see Parker enjoying his favorite books with his Grandma and see the special bond they have. Sweet.

5) We are big Signing Time fans around here, although I need to expand our library of DVDs. We have used simple signs to help enforce rules, in particular, around our house. It helps me stay calm, for some reason, and it helps the kids pay a little extra attention. Rachel has been posting about a trip to Ghana where she helped a school for deaf children learn to use sign language in their curriculum. Reading these stories is a great reminder to count our blessings, and also to reach out to bless others...and also to keep exploring sign language with my kids.

That's it for this round...I hope you enjoy the links as much as I did. Please tell them you heard about them through The Simple Life.

Hosting a Sleepover...

The child informed me some time ago that she wanted to have a sleepover party for her eighth birthday. She starts planning her next birthday approximately 24 hours after the previous party, so I've been hearing about this for a while. When I realized this would be my first sleepover as "The Mom" I got nervous. It was also a bit challenging as our budget is still...well...not feeling the economic recovery we've been hearing so much about, if you get my drift. In the end my newly minted eight year old declared this, "The Best Birthday Ever" so I figure we did a thing or two right. I thought I'd share my strategy with you and would love to hear your ideas, too. Feel free to leave a comment below.

• Set the boundaries and expectations - I agreed to a sleepover party with a couple of conditions. First, only two friends could come. We usually have a one kid per year rule, but to save my sanity we cut that way back. The child selected two friends that we know from her Kindergarten days. I also made it clear that this really would be a SLEEPover, or it would be the last of its kind. My sleep pattern is messed up enough without the shenanigans of three giggly girls thrown in there.
• Keep it Simple (what else) - We did a craft project, ate dinner together, watched a movie, ate cake, opened presents, and tucked everyone into sleeping bags. The craft project became part of their goody bag. The dinner and cake were all homemade. The movie was very rated G and straight out of our video collection.All of this simplicity helped save mommy's mind and money. We had just enough structure to keep everyone regulated, with enough freedom to keep it fun.
•  Check in with the guest's parents - I was glad that the parents of one of the girls warned me ahead of time that sleepovers had been challenging for her. I didn't make a big deal out of it with her, but I knew that I might need to make a phone call if she got too worried. We were all thrilled when she made it through the night with us. It really made the event extra special.
• Bribery - yes, really - At bedtime I told the girls they could talk and laugh for 15 minutes, and then it would be time for lights out and quiet. That worked great. I don't know when they went to sleep, but they were quiet. What didn't work great was waking up at 6:30 the next morning to shrieks of laughter. In my half awake predawn state at first I thought our nervous guest was freaking out. I hurried to the child's room to find them all giggling and bouncing around on her bed. Um...no, not what I had in mind. "Do you girls like pancakes?" I asked. "YES!" they clamored. "Great! If you want some for breakfast it better be quiet in this room for another...hour (I said while looking at the clock.)" They did get quieter, though they did not actually go back to sleep. It gave my nerves time to settle, though.
• Look around for FREE family friendly events - My  husband gets to take credit for this one. He noticed a free event happening at a state park near us on the day after the sleepover. We invited both guests to go with us to this event, too. Only one was able to come, but it made the celebration last a little longer without more cost. If time is an issue find something on the evening of the sleepover instead.

Including food and favors we spent about $35 total on this party...that's food and entertainment for seven people  for close to 24 hours. That might sound like a lot to some people, but around here people spend hundreds on their kids' parties, and I bet they don't have more fun that we had. To hear the child tell it, it was the coolest thing ever, and awesome on top of that.

What's your favorite birthday bash secret?

Lemon Pie

I don't often share recipes here, although cooking and baking are among my favorite activities when I have time for them. I Love the predictability of it...Measure these things, Combine them in this way, Be careful of this, and in the end you will have this Lovely creation. I don't have much predictability around me these days, so it is a nice change of pace.

For some reason the letter L (our Alphabe-Thursday target of the week) made me think of Lemon Pie. Maybe its because our Lemon tree has a Large crop of itty-bitty Lemons just waiting for me to pick them and use them up. It stirs up Lots of fond memories.

I first discovered this recipe in the pages of a children's cookbook that my mom handed down to me. I don't think we ever made this recipe when my brother and I were growing up, but just handling the book brings back memories of the days when Mom decided to let us take turns cooking things each week. Pocket sandwiches, frosted meatloaf, and cornflake chicken I know we tried, among others. When I discovered the lemon pie recipe I was looking for something simple that I could prepare with the child. She was a little over five at the time, and we were smack in the middle of the most challenging time that we had ever experienced with her. Her language was at 2-3 year old level, as were her fine motor skills and attention span. The twins were a year old - less physically needy, but demanding their own share of attention. The child was still pretty angry at me for disappearing on her at the time of the twins' birth, and I was having a hard time reconnecting with her because of her aggressive behavior toward me and her siblings. It was a mess, and we were desperate for help. In answer to my prayers (yes, really) God brought us under the teaching of two extremely talented and service-hearted women who helped us learn so much about how to reconnect our fragmented family, and support the child's behavior better at home, and then in every other environment we took her to. One of the keys was finding ways to meaningfully engage her in activities, especially with me. So I was trying to find an easy recipe that we could do together from beginning to end.

We started by picking lemons from the tree. Then hand over hand she helped me zest and squeeze out the juice. Together we whisked the ingredients together and poured them into a prepared crust. Throughout the experience she let me touch her, help her, encourage her, and enjoy her. All of these had been difficult for many months on end. I was anxious the whole time, just waiting for her to get frustrated or bored and explode, but she stuck with it the whole time. Something so simple, but to me a precious touchstone anytime things start getting hard again. I now trust that we'll be able to work it out. Every time I make this recipe I remember that day almost three years ago, and I smile. Here's hoping it brings you some smiles, too:

Creamy Lemon Pie

Lemons
1 egg
14 oz. sweetened condensed milk
frozen whipped topping, thawed
9 inch graham cracker crust

1. Prepare 1 teaspoon lemon zest.
2. Prepare 1/2 cup of lemon juice.
3. Beat egg in a medium sized mixing bowl.
4. Add sweetened condensed milk to egg.
5. Add lemon zest and juice.
6. Stir until the mixture starts to thicken.
7. Fold in half of the frozen whipped topping.
8. Pour the filling into the graham cracker crust.
9. Cover filling with remaining whipped topping.
10. Freeze the pie until firm.
11. Garnish with extra zest or a slice of lemon.

Adapted from the Better Homes and Gardens "New Junior Cook Book" (1979) page 92. [This is probably the Old Junior Cook Book by now...]

Amazing that something so sour can make such a sweet memory. When life gives you lemons...

Book Review - The Interrupting Chicken

Dinner conversation at our house these days is an event to witness. Everyone has something to say, even if it is not relevant to anything, often all three children are talking at once. I try to moderate:

• "It's Sissy's turn to talk, please wait."
• "Make sure no one else is talking before you talk."
• "Mommy can only hear one person at a time."

I am not always this calm about it. The child hates being interrupted and because of her language processing issues it takes her a while to figure out what she wants to say. If she is interrupted she has to start back at the beginning (yep), and then she has to figure out what she wants to say all over again. You can see why it is upsetting to her. Meanwhile her social skills haven't quite reached the level of knowing when she is dominating the conversation. She rattles on and on and her siblings just want to ask for more bread. Fun times. Really.

I asked for some help from our Speech Pathologist at school, and she recommended this fun story about interrupting. I'm not sure it is quite what I was after, but Interrupting Chicken is a really cute story. The little red chicken is all ready for bed but she wants a bedtime story. Papa agrees to read on the condition that little chicken will not interrupt. You can tell they've been through this before. "I'll be good, Papa." Papa tries three different familiar stories, and each time little red chicken interrupts and "ruins" the story. Papa gives up in exasperation. He is more sleepy than little chicken. He decides to turn the tables and have little chicken tell the story. So she writes a story and reads it to Papa, who interrupts, "ZZZzzzzzzz." Finally we see them snuggled up together fast asleep. This reminds me of our family. Daddy often does the bedtime stories and can read himself to sleep quite easily. Meanwhile the kids are still wired and ready for action.

Taken as its own story, this is a great book, as evidenced by winning a Caldecott Honor Award. The text is engaging and easy to read. The illustrations draw you into the story until you feel like you are in little chicken's room trying to get her to sleep. I really like how the three familiar stories are brought in both in text and illustration. I think it helps the reader understand the impact of the interruption.

For my purposes, I'm not sure this is quite what we need. First, the book isn't about a conversation, but story time. Though not perfect, our kids have gotten a lot better about sitting and listening to a story. All of those trips to the library are starting to pay off, I think. My second hesitation with this book is that there's no clear consequence to little chicken when she interrupts. In fact she kind of gets her way because she wants to stay up later. That's the kind of message I don't want my kids to pick up on. I want them to learn that interrupting is rude and reaps trouble.

So I'm still looking for a tool to help teach my kids polite conversation skills, but if you want a fun read, check out The Interrupting Chicken. If you know of a good book I should check out, let me know in the comments below.

New Series - Thoughts on Bullying

I am about to abandon my normal blogging schedule...you know the one I can't seem to keep up with anyway. For some time now the subject of bullying has been on my mind. I don't have to tell you that it is a favorite topic in the spin cycle. A simple google search of news articles from yesterday brought up two different cases that are getting national attention - one that resulted in the suicide of a 10-year-old girl - on the first page of the search results. President Obama is talking about it, as are several state legislatures. California recently passed two new measures related to bullying. South Dakota can't get a bill out of committee. My interest in the topic, though piqued by all of the furor du jour, is much more personal than that.

My daughter - the one who inspired the creation of this blog - is a ripe target for bullying in two forms. Her developmental differences cause her to stand out in ways that bullies may use as an excuse to target her. In addition her challenged social skills coupled with her personal desire to please and get attention from peers also make her vulnerable to being used as a bully's sidekick or groupie. "I won't be your friend unless you [insert bullying behavior] to [insert target's name]." I think I'm probably already working on borrowed time here. I know bullying can start even earlier than 2nd grade. Since she doesn't have great expressive language skills we may have already missed some minor issues, simply because she doesn't have the ability to tell us what she has experienced each day. There are many mysteries that occur between drop off and pick up at school. All efforts to observe and keep tabs on what she is experiencing point to things being okay. How long can this last?

It goes back even farther than her almost eight years, however. No, this is deeply personal. Looking back on my childhood I don't think anyone would say I was "bullied" in the strictest definition of the word. There weren't any thugs waiting to jump me on my way home after school. No one took away my lunch money or threw my homework in the mud puddle. Still, starting at grade 5, my social experience was one of isolation and constant teasing. Through circumstances pretty much beyond my control I was ostracized, called names, and made the butt of many jokes. The adults around me were either unaware of my situation or took the view that this was all a normal part of childhood. I tried talking to my parents about it but was so embarrassed by the situation and the little involuntary part I played in it that I couldn't fully make my case as to why I needed their help. [I have to say I wish I could go back and change how those conversations went from my end, but when you're a child it's hard to overcome the emotional pieces...but you know that...] At any rate, I tolerated this miserable situation through 5th and 6th grades. Removal to middle school helped somewhat though it also physically separated me from the one friend who had stuck by me in 5th -6th grades. I made a couple of new friends, but mostly stuck to myself in middle school. High school and the relative anonymity of a school full of 1600 bodies was my best cure. I still viewed myself as an outsider and although my self-image improved a degree, I can truly say that it wasn't until a decade ago that I fully processed and excised the effects of those two miserable years from my psyche. Even today on a dark sleepless night fraught with other worries the enemy of my soul will remind me of the pain of those days. Hard to believe that 30 years later the words of a few probably insecure children can still bring me to tears. I am grateful for my faith which has lessened the pain and brought good fruit from it as well. I believe my own experiences have given me a passion to advocate for individuals with differences. I think I am also more sensitive to when people are hurting, and I have a deep desire to help in whatever way I can. So all's well that ends well, right?

If I can help one child avoid the misery that I felt for those two years the series I'm embarking on here will be worth every effort.

I also have to say that as I'm posting this it breaks a long silence. I have acquaintances on facebook who knew me at this time (heck there's a picture of me from 5th grade there - ugh!). My mom reads every blog post (Hi, Mom - I love you!) and it may be somewhat shocking to her to read these words. I want to be clear that I hold grudges against no one. Hindsight brings great clarity. Everyone was doing what they could to maintain their position in the social construct. What scares me is that today's bullying cases are leading to more than just tears. Children are dying. We've got to stop this for every child that we can. That's the goal.

Over the next period of time I'm moving away from my standard posting format. I'll be inviting some guests to comment on this and related topics. I'll be sharing resources I've found so far. I'll be sharing steps that I'm taking with my own daughter, and asking for ideas from you. I'm not sure how long this series will last. I hope to post at least once each week. If you have questions or ideas that you want me to research, please leave those in the comments or send me a note and I'll address those as well. This is so important. Thanks for your attention.

Book Review - Whole Body Listening Larry at School

Our cheerful socially skilled friend, Larry, is back on the scene. This time he's tutoring new students Leah and Luka (fraternal twins, no less) on the importance of Whole Body Listening. Similar to the earlier book (reviewed here) where Larry helps his sister, Lucy, learn to listen with every body part, Larry walks Leah and Luka through the whole process, too. In this case the listening lessons occur in classroom and playground settings. For example, following a buzzing fly with your eyes instead of looking at the guest speaker at an assembly means you'll miss the best part of the show. Singing a song during story time distracts everyone from hearing the climax of the book. Responding to a friend's sad story with your own happy tale makes them think you don't care, and caring is essential to listening with your heart.


The second book is also told in a straightforward rhyme which is helpful to struggling readers. The pictures, narration, and speech and thought bubbles all help convey the message of the book. Two differences I noticed, and liked, arise from the use of two characters, one male and one female, who need to learn Whole Body Listening skills. It seems that sometimes we think of only boys (or less often only girls) as having a problem with listening. Boys tend to be more active and girls can be silly with giggling and such. The truth is that both boys and girls can struggle with listening skills. I liked seeing that played out. I also liked that at times one of the twins might be depicted as having successful expected behavior while the other was struggling. This emphasizes not only that they are separate individuals (something that again is sometimes hard for us to keep in mind in our concept of twins), but also that it is possible to succeed in one area of listening, while struggling in another area. Perhaps you've mastered listening with your ears, but your eyes tend to rove the room instead of focusing on the teacher.

Last but not least I have to assure you that even though the message is the same, the story remains fresh for my child at least. A friend gave us a copy of this book some time ago, but I had hidden it away in hopes of reviewing it before releasing it to the wilds of our book pile. When the child saw it this morning she sat down right away to read it. She compared the body parts diagram in the two books, and insisted on reading it again tonight with our bedtime repertoire. So if you haven't already had the chance to check out these books, I would encourage you to do so. I think they have both greatly encouraged good listening for my little social skills scholar.

P.S. Sorry I can't seem to post an image of the book at the moment. Blogger will upload, but not embed the image. I'll try again later if I can...

Book Review - D.W.'s Guide to Perfect Manners

My kids all love the Arthur characters - books and videos. Does anyone know, by the way, what kind of animal Arthur et al. are supposed to be? Just curious...if you know please leave it in a comment, because I haven't the foggiest. We had lots of rainy days this past winter and at our school the policy on rainy days is that the kids go to the library to watch a video during lunch recess. This is where the child learned about Arthur, and she has been hooked ever since. The twins also like him, so that's a bonus. It's always nice when we can find something to agree on.D.W, in case you don't know, is Arthur's little sister.

We found D.W.'s Guide to Perfect Manners at the library, and although it was my little girl who picked it off the shelf, the child has also enjoyed reading it a few times. It is at just the right reading level for her (mid-1st grade), so that's a plus.There's something about finding a book with a character your child loves that also has a message that you as a parent love. It's a magical combination, and I think it is found in this little gem. The illustrations are typical Marc Brown - colorful and just enough detail to keep things interesting without being too overwhelming. The book follows D.W. through her day as she tries to have "perfect" manners. Everything from self care (washing, tooth brushing, wearing clean clothes, and combing your hair) to table manners and social skills is covered in a straightforward manner. Most of the manners are presented as positives (Do this...) rather than negatives (Don't do that...) but some negatives slip in. I know from personal experience how hard it is to put everything as a positive, but I think it is easier for young children and those with learning differences to hear what they should do. This is the one thing I am disappointed by in this book. The other thing I would probably clarify for a child is that the book talks about being "perfect" by which it means having good manners - it does not mean that the child can't make mistakes. This could be addressed on the page where D.W. says "Perfect people say 'I'm sorry' if they mess up or if they hurt someone..." Clearly (to me) the perfection here is in knowing that if you make a mistake you apologize, not that you won't make a mistake at all. Still for children it might be confusing to talk about being a "perfect" person. In fact, we have taught the child that the only Perfect Person is Jesus. I am pleased that the Arthur products include constructive interactions with adult characters. I've noticed a trend lately where children's shows and books seem to put the child character out there on their own to handle whatever conflict comes their way. It's nice to see a more realistic interaction where parents are a valuable and encouraging resource for their children.

Overall this book is a sweet way to reinforce good manners for your child, especially if they are attracted to these characters anyway.

Rerun Book Review - When I Feel Angry

Recycling is good, right? I have a movie that I've been wanting to review for you, and I have watched it, but I haven't had the time to really give it all of the attention I usually give to a review. Partly that is because we are back at my mother-in-law's house. You can read a little about how that is going here. Meanwhile this book, which I originally reviewed back in October 2009 would be an excellent read for several members of the household, self included...Since several of you probably didn't know this blog existed back then I will save you the trip through the archives to locate it. Enjoy!

After a day like today I need this book almost as much as my child does. I love the title. It is so realistic. It doesn't say "If I Get Angry" or "When I Am Angry" or "I Shouldn't Get Angry." This book assumes, rightly, that your child will feel angry; it emphasizes that this is a feeling, not a state of being; it even acknowledges that there are times when anger is a fine response. However, it encourages positive ways to work through the anger - taking deep breaths, getting some exercise, or finding something fun to do (distraction!)

I hope I modeled this well at least once today. We were decorating Halloween cookies and my daughter really wanted some of them to have spider webs on them. In my rather limited decorating repertoire this was going to be challenging at best, plus the cookie decorating was supposed to be a structured activity to keep her busy while I was making dinner. Anyway I attempted the spider web but the decorating trip clogged and my attempts to clean it out didn't help. Meanwhile dinner was waiting on the stove and the twins were dancing at my feet wanting attention, too. I said, pretty calmly, "I'm going to have to stop working on cookies now. I'm getting too frustrated." Then I turned my attention to dinner. My daughter was a little upset that we had to stop, but while I finished dinner we processed it a little bit and I emphasized that sometimes when we are getting frustrated we need to take a break.

The story book follows the adventures of a cute little bunny girl as she realizes that some things that make her angry can't be fixed, but some can. She learns to get help figuring it out and to spend time talking and listening to work things out. The pictures are all darling. The text, in my opinion, is written at a great level even for children with language processing issues. The ideas take a little practice to remember and act on in the heat of the moment, but they are all solid re-regulating ideas.

Enjoy!

Auditory Processing Disorder

Maybe your child's teacher has told you that she is struggling with reading and that she doesn't seem to pay attention to the directions given for assignments. You've noticed that if you ask her a question when the radio is on that her answer may not relate to the question you asked. Maybe she can't remember her home phone number or writes numbers out of sequence. Perhaps you've had her hearing checked and she passed with flying colors, but she is becoming discouraged by school and you're wondering what's going on. One possible explanation could be an Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), which is sometimes called Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD.)

In APD the physical function of the inner ear is in tact, but somewhere along the line as the sound is transmitted to the brain and processed for information to act on, the signal is scrambled or misinterpreted and is acted on incorrectly. This can lead to big challenges with learning and behavior.
Because it can have similar symptoms, APD can be confused with Attention Deficit Disorders (ADD) or Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). APD can also occur in addition to these or other disorders, so it is important to get a full evaluation from a qualified professional to best understand exactly what is happening with your child.

There are several different auditory skills that may be affected by processing disorders:

• Auditory Discrimination - ability to distinguish and segment words into individual sounds - key for reading and writing
• Auditory Figure-Ground Discrimination - ability to focus on important auditory information amid background noise - listening to directions in a noisy environment
• Auditory Memory - ability to recall information heard in the short term or long term - important for remembering names, and following directions.
• Auditory Sequencing - ability to understand and remember the order of words - remembering lists or sequences like phone numbers or addresses.

There are several different types of "auditory training" available for treating auditory processing disorders. There are some software packages that can be used even at home (earobics is one I've heard of but haven't tested so consult with your professional for advice.) Speech therapy and environmental modifications (removing background noise, sitting near the teacher, etc.) will also be helpful.

For more basic information start here NIH
For an (adult) personal perspective Andrea's Buzzing About
More information on the different auditory processes from NCLD

Clean Up Time

Our house had reached near disaster status. I freely admit that I am not a good housekeeper. Truth be told it is my wonderful husband who cares about how clean the floors are and whether or not we can see through the windows. I figure I'm doing good if we have clean plates to eat off of and clean clothes to wear. Dusting - ha - will just have to wait. My husband has been way too busy lately, too, so we were in a bit of a state.

In particular I seem to be the main person who tries to put things away at our house, and I'm not even that good at it. Usually I'm dashing in the door with arms full of stuff, dropping that here and there while gathering a new arm full to dash back out the door again, leaving the detritus of busyness behind me. But eventually when I have a quiet moment I endeavor to put away my stuff, and my kids' stuff, and even some of my husband's stuff, but I can't keep up. I was spending what little time I was willing to devote to housekeeping (beyond the dishes and laundry) just putting things away, and falling ever more behind.

Want more motivation? Someone was coming to our house, and the house needed to look good for this person. This wasn't my best friend who would understand the topsy turvy nature of our lifestyle. This was someone who needed to see the house at its best. Three days notice, too - just to up the ante. Ha - I say it again.

Well, I decided to take a lesson from my twins' preschool. Twice during the class session there is "clean up time" and everyone participates. The children are given specific jobs to do, and the adults model, supervise, and encourage. So on day one, in between cleaning things myself I talked often to my children about having a clean up time that evening. After dinner, and before jammie time, we set the timer for 15 minutes, and we all worked together to clean up their bedrooms and the toy room. The next night we did it again. There was some complaining and some stalling, and some whining, but because we were right there with them, eventually everything got picked up and put away. On the third night my oldest daughter said to me, "Mom, if I keep my room clean during the day I don't have to do as much during clean up time."

AAAAH!!! I could almost hear the angels singing!

So now the kids seem to understand that if they make a big mess they will be the ones who clean it up later. Guess what?? There are fewer big messes. My oldest is particularly doing a great job maintaining her room in a nicely organized state. When I get time to do housework (still a rarity) I can spend it actually cleaning instead of just putting things away. And it's not a big deal now when people come over...the house is staying tidy enough to be presentable, at least to my best friend. I hope I never forget about clean up time. It is such a handy tool.

Now, about those windows...

Sunday Digest 30

Sunday Digest is turning 30...and it's Easter evening, after a long busy weekend, so this is going to be short and sweet. Sunday Digest needs its beauty sleep and so do I. These are the sweetest links I've found recently. Visit these other sites and let them know you found them through The Simple Life. Thanks!

1) One of my favorite fellow autism mom bloggers (Autism and Oughtisms) posted this review of her son's first term at a special needs school. She is in New Zealand, so their system is a bit different from things here in the States, but it is lovely to hear about how they have found just the right program for him. My dream for every child, special needs or no.

2) One of my favorite adults with autism bloggers (Reports from a Resident Alien) posted her ideas about disability and difference. I love getting her inside the disorder perspective.

3) Hopeful Parents is a group blog that has a wonderful set of writers from a variety of families affected by all sorts of Special Needs. Spectrummy Mummy posted a story about rewards for her daughter and the unintended rewards for herself, too. Very encouraging.

4) Another fellow autism mom blogger (Squashed Bologna,) who I particularly love following because she is also dealing with sandwich generation stuff like our family, has started a series on all of the issues surrounding siblings with special needs. So far what consequences we've had in this arena have been felt by us as parents more than our kids, but I am reading with interest for future days when this will be a hot topic around our house, to be sure.

5) My fellow 5 Minutes for Special Needs contributor Lee, shared a suggestion from his family's experience... Family Game Night. So far we opt for movie nights, but I hope we can add this to our repertoire. Lee mentions several benefits that would be really helpful for our kiddos.

That's it! I did also want to take this opportunity to welcome my newest followers. Thanks for joining the journey here at The Simple Life. I'm always working a few kinks out here, so please forgive the cyber-dust if you happen along when I'm mid-renovations. In particular this post should debut my use  of intense debate to manage comments. This should allow me to reply directly to commenters, which should be a lot of fun. I enjoy doing this at 5 Minutes for Special Needs. I'm still playing with the look of my banner, too, so if you're back in the next few days and it looks different, it's still me! Feel free to let me know if there are topics you'd like me to write about or if you have other suggestions...very open to input over here. Easter Blessings to you!

Mean What You Say...

First, apologies again for disappearing. I have still been making my posts over at 5 Minutes For Special Needs. My two most recent posts there will explain a lot of my disappearance. We had Spring Break the first week of April. I thought I was going to keep up my blogging, but we went to visit my dear Mother-in-Law. It was a harder visit than I had anticipated, and many things I had hoped to accomplish in my spare time were not achieved. When we returned home I thought I would pick up where I had left off, but realized pretty quickly that where I had left off was "Really Way too Far Behind On Everything". I spent last week trying to catch up. I think I have my act together now, but we'll see. There's a lot going on right now, and writing, though wonderfully fulfilling for me, has to fit in the down times, and there have been precious few of those. I was stunned to see how long it had been since I posted. Ah well...jumping back in with both feet...

All it took was a snap. No matter what else was happening, we would hear that snap and come to full attention. My father lead the congregational singing in the church that I grew up in. My mom was often singing in the choir or playing organ or piano. This meant that both of my parents would be on the platform during a good portion of the worship service, leaving my brother and I to sit in the pew alone. The hard wooden pew, with not much besides a church bulletin and a pencil to keep us occupied. Under these conditions it was often hard to keep from pestering each other, or finding some other amusement like dusting the pews with our Sunday best. No matter what distraction we managed to find, when my mom would see us getting out of line she would just snap her fingers. We knew then that she had seen us, and that if we continued in our current activity we would likely be embarrassed in front of God and everyone by her marching down off the platform and removing us for a "talking to" in the restroom. We got the message and straightened up...already knowing that we might get a scolding after church for misbehaving in the first place. We knew that snap, and we paid attention to it.

I don't have a very good snap yet, but I have a different signal with my kids when I really need them to pay attention. I start the countdown. Depending on what is happening I start at different numbers, but when I start counting backward they know that I really mean business, and generally they get moving.

I'm sure you've experienced this scenario:

"Honey, I need you to put your blocks back in their box." [no response...child continues playing]
"Time to clean up the blocks, buddy." [no response...not even a flicker of recognition]

There are two options at this point. Lose your cool, or show them that you know they heard you. This is when I start counting. For a "clean up your toys" situation when it really doesn't matter too much how long it takes them to do it as long as it gets done, I might start at 10. Usually by the time I get to 5 my kids will start acting on my request without me needing to even repeat it. If you really think they didn't hear you (like in a noisy environment or if they are running full tilt on a playground with their best friends) you can precede the countdown with a third request accompanied by full eye contact and gentle physical touch. If I'm in more of a hurry I start the countdown at 5. If it is urgent (like a possible safety concern) or if I sense true defiance I start the countdown at 3. The only time I don't give a countdown is if there is imminent danger, then I just intervene as calmly as possible.

There is a big caveat to this technique. You have to follow through. The first dozen or so times you countdown your child may not think you mean it. Particularly if they are used to you asking them to do something without them responding and then you end up doing it for them. Or if you often tell them to be ready to go in 5 minutes, but then get caught up in conversation with your friend and 20 minutes go by before you're really ready to go. You have to mean what you say. If you don't care enough about it to follow through, then don't even bother to make the request. So now your scenario can look like this:

"Honey, I need you to put your blocks back in their box." [no response...child continues playing]

"Time to clean up the blocks, buddy." [no response...not even a flicker of recognition]
"5...4...3...2...1" [child does not budge]
Go over to the child and touch their shoulder (gently, that's the hard part!)
"Time to clean up, now." Put your hand on their hand and guide them to pick up a block and put it in the box. Repeat as necessary. They may resist. They may argue, but the blocks are getting put away and you have shown them that you really mean it.

You may need to repeat this method many, many times, depending on how strong-willed your child is, and on how long you've let them get away with ignoring your requests. We did more countdowns than the entire history of NASA at our house last year. I still do at least a couple of countdowns daily, mostly with my twins now.

Never do a countdown without following through, and if you're asking your child to do something, always be prepared to do a countdown. It's a snap.

Y is for Yellow

My daughter knew her colors long before she could talk. "Bring me the yellow ball, Sweetie," and she would go get the yellow ball choosing among perhaps four or six other colors. It wasn't a big surprise to me, then, that when she did start adding words to her vocabulary (well after age 2) that among the first words added were colors, or her version of colors. For a long time she called orange "juice", but this post is not about orange, or juice. Yellow was among the first ten words that she could say. At the time I just thought she was so smart to know her colors already (and she is smart, don't get me wrong) but I had no idea that it was atypical for a child to add adjectives to their vocabulary before nouns. There is a reason that normal speech develops nouns first...

Yellow was clearly one of her favorite colors, too, so we often bought toys and trinkets that were yellow. A yellow ball, a yellow chair, a yellow helicopter, a yellow plane, a yellow plate. Yellow is also one of my husband's favorite colors, so there were already a good number of yellow objects in our home. Our four main rooms are various bright shades of yellow with white trim. If it were a submarine, you could break into a Beatles song here. It's a nice cheery, energizing color, and we all enjoy it.

The only problem was that my daughter started asking for things by saying "yellow" instead of using the names of the objects, since she didn't know those yet, or at least couldn't express them yet. This was a step up from the previous phase in which she would walk around imitating a fire engine siren. "Ah-uh-ah-uh-ah-uh-ah-uh..." meant "I want something." And because she might not indicate by pointing or gesturing what exactly she wanted it was a bit of a guessing game. Our theory is that she heard the sirens going by our house (we live on a fairly busy intersection) and she knew that we always paid attention to the sirens, so she figured that she would make that noise whenever she needed our attention. It worked, but it got old.

"Yellow" got old, too. Which "yellow" did she want? Was it the circle from the shape sorter (one of her favorite security objects) or the ball? The plate perhaps, or maybe the car? If we guessed more than a few objects wrong we were headed into tantrum territory, and there were probably twenty objects to choose from. I became an expert at the guessing game, using who knows what subtle cues and routines to figure out what "yellow" was wanted now. I also stopped adding yellow objects to the collection. Favorite color or no, this was becoming ridiculous.

This guessing game was one of the reasons I decided not to just listen to the doctor who was telling me not to worry, that she would start talking soon enough. "Some kids just talk later." Fine, but when you're seeing frustration because of the communication gap, that's a sign there's something wrong. Without really knowing what I was doing, but by pure grace getting at least pieces of it right I started spending a good chunk of each day trying to help my daughter add words - nouns especially - to her vocabulary. We spent a year in this mode until I went even further beyond the doctor's advice and sought a speech evaluation from our school district.

And so she taught me, early on, to listen to her more than I listened to any expert. She taught me that frustration can be a great motivator, and that there are subtleties to communication that most of the world takes for granted...when the system is challenged we value anew how truly miraculous it all is.

Yellow is still right up there with the child's favorite colors. When most girls her age prefer pink and purple she still often chooses yellow. It always brings back now fond memories of the early days when yellow really meant everything to her.

I am linking this post with Jenny Matlock's Alphabe-Thursday blogfest. Go here to see all of the other creative posts starting with the letter Y. And many thanks to Jenny for hosting.

Sibling Rivalry

Several weeks ago a regular reader (I do have a few!) asked me to write a post about sibling rivalry. Once again I must emphasize that I am no expert on this subject. I just live with three kids who have the social skills of 3-4 year-olds, two of them due to age and one due to the challenges of living on the autism spectrum. I have some basic observations from this experience and a few "rules" that I follow to handle things in my own home. I thought I would share these and also open the discussion (as always) to hear others' thoughts on this important topic.

First, one key thing that I did not understand about parenting until after I had three children is that the "currency" of childhood is parental attention. The amount of time you spend worrying about, thinking about, planning for or handling your various financial issues will give you a starting point for understanding how your kids feel about your attention. Sibling rivalry is a direct extension of this kid-economy. An only child has a monopoly on parental attention. They have to compete with your vocation and your hobbies, but when the "goods" are handed out they get it all, baby. Siblings must divide the booty, and this is the beginning of the problem.

Second, attention can be distributed in many forms: gifts, praise, conversation, time playing together, and even discipline, to name a few. There are many demands on a parent's time (way to state the obvious!) and while children don't calculate out how to insist on their "time" with mom and dad, they have a real need to gain your attention. If they can't get time playing with you then getting some attention by misbehaving is an acceptable option in their book. It's important to "pay" attention in positive ways in order to prevent negative attention.

Third, there are many demands on a parents time (I said it again!) and you can't interfere with every kid squabble that comes your way. You need to work, clean, cook, sort the mail, read the mail, eat, sleep (once in a while), and a whole long list of other stuff. If you stop every five minutes to get your kids happy with each other and you, you'll not even get through the first step.

Keeping these three observations in mind, what I *_try_* to do around here is the following:


Spend time with your kids one on one. Your kids need to spend time with you individually to get their attention tank filled up. It doesn't have to be much; 5-15 minutes of one on one time with you each day can go a long way toward helping your child feel special. This time needn't be some major affair. Include them in what you are doing (see list above) or get involved in what they are doing. I've been realizing how important the 5-10 minutes I spend at school in the morning with my daughter is right now. She wants to show me little things in the classroom, but mostly she has my undivided attention, and she eats it up. 

Spend time with your kids together. Your kids need to spend time with you as a group to practice sharing your attention. This is an excellent opportunity to put skills like taking turns, sharing, and thinking about others. It might not look pretty right away, but as you practice with your kids (you need the practice, too) you will develop systems and strategies that work for your family. We literally take turns and use all of the language associated with that skill when we're playing with all of the kids at the same time. "It's Sissy's turn, and next is Bubba's turn." "Good waiting, now it's your turn." "You can be next." "One more time and then it is Sissy's turn."

Talk about it. I think it is okay to tell your kids that they need to share you. Explain that you want to spend time with all of them, and that you love all of them. Ask how they want to spend their time with you, but make it clear that you belong to everyone.


Give them some words to use. During your play time with your kids you can help them learn some solid ways to avoid and resolve conflict. Skills like taking turns and sharing avoid conflicts. "Using your words" can help resolve and respond to conflicts. When there are problems while you are directly interacting with your kids you can help them resolve things in a positive way by modeling and encouraging positive verbiage. "I'm Sorry" "Can I have a turn?" "I'm not done yet, but you can be next"  and "I want to play by myself right now" are all useful tools for a child to have in their conflict resolution toolbox. Hopefully they can transfer those skills to times when you are not involved.


Let them sort things out on their own... to the extent that your children are capable of doing so, and only you can judge this. When our twins were in their first couple of years we closely supervised our oldest daughter at all times with them. As the twins have gotten bigger and more able to defend themselves, our direct supervision has reduced. We are always at least indirectly supervising - keeping an ear out for growing friction. We step in when the conflict is truly beyond the kids' ability to resolve it, but not before. Some amount of conflict and bickering is normal. Interfering with every squabble is not only impossible, but will send your kids the message that they aren't capable of figuring out how to resolve their own problems. Supervise, closely if necessary, to prevent truly aggressive responses, but let the verbal fur fly.


Divide and conquer is not just a military strategy. Sometimes kids really need to play by themselves, but they may not realize it. If you find yourself intervening a lot, it may be time to enforce some separation. Have one kid play in their room and leave the other in the play room/living room/outside. It's important if you do this that neither kid seems to be gaining parent time or attention by the division. In other words try not to put one kid in the room you are in while the other is exiled to their room. The point of this is not to punish one child and reward the other, the goal really is just to give them some time to regroup. It's not a time out, just some time apart. The twins especially need this sort of separation sometimes because they spend so much time together and they seem to think that they always need to be together, but after a brief separation they play together much more nicely.

Sibling relationships are challenging, to be sure. It's important to remember that your job as a parent is not to fix everything, but to help your children learn the skills they need to get along with each other, which is the first step toward getting along with people outside of their family, too.


So what strategies do you use to help your kids learn to get along? I'd love to hear your ideas...

Remembering To Do What We Already Know

Here's my latest post over at 5 Minutes for Special Needs. I don't always remember to link this up here. I figure people are more likely to find these pages from there than the other way around. This one can be taken from a very practical side (using a visual schedule) but is also a philosophical mindset that I'm trying to apply. If I already know how to help my daughter in many ways, then half of the victory is just remembering to do it, instead of taking the lower barrier approach of losing my temper!

V is for Voice Modulation

I thought I would try out the Alphabe-Thursday blog hop this week. It is sponsored by Jenny Matlock over at off on my tangent. The idea is to write about something that starts with a given letter. The letter this week is V. I toyed with the idea of writing about "Very" which is one of my daughter's favorite words, but I couldn't remember all the funny ways she uses it. I'm so used to her odd ways of expressing herself that I almost have to write them down to remember them.

Voice modulation came pretty quickly to mind...it is a skill that none of my children have mastered yet, and so we live in a Very noisy household. I keep hoping that one of these days they will get it. We talk about using our inside voices all the time. I try modeling a nice calm tone, but often I have to raise my own volume simply to be heard above the din.

I was probably a bit of a loud child myself. My parents have audio recordings of me singing my little lungs out when I was about five. In the midst of a whole choir of children my voice rings out above the rest, and I doubt I was near any kind of microphone. I still have a good set of pipes. Back in my work days I could stand in the largest lecture hall at University of California, Berkeley - I think it seats 400 or so people - and without a microphone I could make myself heard in the back row. I only did this for brief announcements, but it was easier than switching the lapel mike back and forth with the professor I was working with. It shook a few people up. I do, however, know when I need to be quiet, and, in fact, prefer to be quiet. It is such a lovely sound, quiet is.

So my children have all inherited the good pipes, but haven't quite mastered the quiet part yet. We visit the town library and I cringe as we walk through the adult areas on our way to the children's section. I model whispering and the kids reply, "What, MOM? TALK LOUDER!"

I've been wondering lately if there's anything to do about all of this, or if I just need to keep reminding, modeling, cringing, and waiting.

The reminding gets old. How many ways can you ask a kid (positively) to lower their voice. Inside voice, honey. Let's use voice #2 right now (there's a whole scale running from zero (not talking) to #5 (yelling because the house is on fire)). Softer, please. That's too loud. Oh, you're hurting my ears. If you want to be loud, please go outside! QUIET!!! I've tried them all, repeatedly, daily, times three, and I'm Very tired of them all.

The modeling, as noted above, is sketchy. It's kind of an automatic response to raise your voice if you feel like you're not being heard, and with all three of my kids jabbering away at their maximum volume I often feel like I'm not being heard.

The cringing is nerve-wracking. With my twins I can usually count on people understanding that they are just preschoolers still learning all of the social cues of when to be quiet and when it's okay to be loud. With my oldest I understand that she is also, due to her developmental delays, still learning all of those same social cues, but to a total stranger she must appear plain old rude. Let them hear with grace, Lord.

I guess that leaves the waiting. I am...oh, I am!

Lennox Gastaut Syndrome

I have to admit I had a hard time putting this post together. This sounds like a particularly complicated and devastating disorder - one that saps vitality from children who may otherwise seem healthy and whole. I start most of these posts from very little personal knowledge, so they require a fair amount of research. I need to be as accurate as possible without copying verbatim from the resources I've looked at, and I try to be sensitive to parents, caregivers and individuals who may be affected by the conditions I'm learning about. All of that put together meant this post was tough and therefore late, but I hope will still be interesting and useful to you. 

I had never heard of Lennox Gastaut Syndrome (LGS) until I saw another special needs parent's post about her child on a discussion board I belong to. As usual I was curious to know what is involved with this condition, and started my research. There is a lot to learn. LGS is a form of pediatric-onset epilepsy that can be quite severe. Fortunately it is fairly rare, occurring in 1-4% of pediatric epilepsy patients. One devastating effect of this disorder is that it usually begins between the ages of 2-6 years and the child may be typically developing prior to having their first seizure. With each seizure the child may regress, gradually losing skills. Even cognitive function may be affected. LGS generally causes various types of seizures (the seizure type may change as the child gets older) and often the seizures cannot be controlled with medication.

Besides the obvious impact of epileptic seizures, individuals with LGS often exhibit behavioral challenges, personality disturbances, mood swings, poor social skills, attention seeking behavior, and challenges understanding information. These changes may be brought on as side-effects of the seizures or of the medications used to control seizures.

Sometimes there is no known root cause of LGS, but often there is evidence of brain injury due to lack of oxygen during pregnancy or birth, an infection (like meningitis), or congenital brain malformation.

Because LGS seizures are often not controlled by medications, alternative treatments are often used. Among these treatment options are:

• ketogenic diet -  a high fat, low carbohydrate diet used to force the body to burn more fat than sugar. The diet is known to help reduce seizure rates in children with some forms of epilepsy. There is a modified Atkins diet being studied for use in adults.
• vagus nerve stimulation therapy - this involves implanting a device under the arm or in the chest that sends electrical impulses to the vagus nerve, which in turn helps the brain regulate electrical signals to help control seizures. The device can be activated with a magnet to prevent or control a seizure during the event. This sounds to me like a pacemaker for the brain.
• surgery - there are several surgical options, but these are considered as a last resort, usually, and will only be attempted if critical brain functions will not be affected.

There are some things you can do to help advocate for individuals with LGS and other forms of epilepsy.

• Learn more and help spread the word. There is a wealth of information available at the LGS Foundation.
• The LGS Foundation accepts donations to help fund research and to help support families affected by LGS.
• The 5th Annual Walk for Epilepsy will be held on March 27, 2011 in Washington, D.C. Click here for more details.
• Even if you can't make it to Washington D.C. on March 26 (the day before the walk), consider wearing purple and if someone asks you why tell them it is to raise awareness for epilepsy.

For more information check out these sites:

• The National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke
• epilepsy.com

Book Review - Whole Body Listening Larry at Home!

I have some pretty cool friends. The other day one of my cool friends gave our family this book. I think it will be good for our whole family. If there is one thing I get most frustrated about with my kids it is that they "don't listen" to me. Sometimes, I have to admit, I'm the one who is not listening. This sweet book talks about how to use every part of your body (not just your eardrums) to listen. It turns out that your eyes, your mouth, body (torso), hands, feet, brain and heart are all involved in truly listening to another person. While my kids are often not listening with their mouths, hands, and feet (generally at least one of them is making noise with at least one of these) I am more likely to be not listening with my brain (multi-tasking) or with my heart (ouch!) This simple story walks through the parts one at a time with socially savvy Larry helping his sister, Lucy, learn how leaving out any of the parts leaves other people (parents, siblings and peers) feeling frustrated and unloved. There are several things about this book that I love:

• The text is simple and presented in rhyme to add interest. In addition to narration that makes the key points, the characters words and thoughts are often presented in speech and thought bubbles. The thought bubbles are especially useful for helping children understand what the characters are feeling.
• The facial expressions of the characters are also very clear and will add to opportunities to discuss how each character is feeling when Lucy is not listening.
• Toward the end of the story there is a cartoon list of each body part so you can talk about what it means to listen with your eyes (looking at the person who is talking) or with your feet (sitting or standing quietly).
• The book shows Lucy being successful in the end and how everyone feels when she is listening - So Good!
• At the end of the book there is a list of suggested activities to supplement the story, and two visuals that can be used in the activities.

Whole Body Listening Larry is published by Think Social Publishing and is based on principles developed by Michelle G. Winner in her work on Social Thinking. I have met one of the authors, Elizabeth Sautter, as she is the co-director of a program my daughter attended last Summer for social skills support. I recognized many of the concepts in the book from similar concepts presented in the social skills curriculum, so I know it will connect with my daughter, too.

Soon they'll be releasing "Whole Body Listening Larry at School!" which will be a great tool for teachers!