Book Review - Bedtime for Little Bears!

Do you know anyone who doesn't think bedtime is for them? When my kids resist bedtime I always think it's kind of ironic, because these days I would LOVE to go to bed when they do and sleep as much as they do. They don't know how good they've got it! Bedtime for Little Bears by David Bedford is our latest "free from the public library" treasure.

Mama Bear has help for all of us. Little Bear doesn't want to sleep either, but Mama knows best. She takes him for a little walk "to see who else is going to bed." Between the dimming lights and the whispering owl feathers little bear doesn't stand a chance. Mama Bear patiently leads Little Bear around to visit the snow hares (where he takes a bath and watches the stars come out) the arctic foxes (where he declares that he does like a good snuggle) and the orcas (lullabies anyone?) At last they circle back to their warm den, and by the time Mama Bear bestows a good night kiss, Little Bear is fast asleep.

I can't guarantee the sleepy time powers of this book with your children, but I can tell you that it takes my rambunctious little ones down a notch or two. If nothing else it reminds me that patience and some creativity will get us through our routine more effectively than nagging and complaining. Mama Bear is such a good example of co-regulation.

I can also tell you that you will love the artwork in this book. Caroline Pedler has captured the elegance of all of the animals, and the stark but beautiful surroundings of the arctic. The colors of the sky are particularly stunning. My favorite scene is the aurora borealis, which I've never seen in person, but love to see in art and photos.

Check it out. I think you'll agree that this book makes a great addition to your bedtime story library.

Book Review - Being Me

Being Me is another great public library find. I am not sure which child decided that we needed to bring this little gem home, but I'm glad it ended up in our library pile. At first I thought it was just a cute book about various personality traits of this spunky little girl with poof ball hair, which it is, but it is more. This is a little girl that almost any child can relate to. She likes dressing up, painting, doing cartwheels, and eating chocolate chip cookies. She has to do chores. When she's not at school she spends time with her baby sister and her parents. She seems like the kind of girl you would want for a friend, and she is.

The difference is so subtle, that I almost didn't catch it the first time we read the book. Stated matter-of-factly among all of the other attributes, the little girl informs us that she can't hear. In fact, it seems almost like a benefit as the page where she proclaims this bit of news is one of those "so much noise you're head will split" kind of pictures. Oh, the picture itself is quiet, but what it depicts is a blaring siren, a barking dog, a wailing baby sister and a jet plane soaring overhead. The parents are clearly out of sorts with all of the noise around them (maybe especially the baby) but the little girl is just as happy as can be.

She goes on to explain that she talks with her hands - a concept my children are familiar with thanks to Signing Time. These two differences are tied up with a neat conclusion that we are all different, even though there are a lot of things we have in common, too. Differences are celebrated - I love you, you love me. That's it. Short, sweet, simple. Perfect.

This is exactly the sort of thing we've been talking about a lot at our house recently. Helping the child understand how she is different from her peers has been an on-going conversation. I know it is sticking because she keeps asking me questions about autism. Helping her understand that her differences are just a part of her and not something to be ashamed of is important to me. She is loved, and while the things that make us the same help us to get along and get things done, differences are important, too.

Some features that I have grown to love about this book are the illustrations, which pack a lot of meaning into the simple prose. To me the characters are all fairly ambiguous ethnically, which adds to the universal appeal of the children in the story. The text is simple enough that my four-year-olds have enjoyed reading the story again and again. Hopefully we can fit in a few more readings before we take it back to the library.

Book Review - Slime & All

My friend Janet Ann Collins is celebrating the release of her fourth children's book "Slime & All" this week. She was kind enough to send me a preview copy by PDF so I could review it. It is now available on Amazon. The story begins with a sad worm by the name of Lump. He is tired of other animals running away from him, so he decides to run away instead. Lump is rather large, and slimy, but manages to stow away on a big truck. Fortunately for him he meets an educated little boy who knows that worms don't hurt us. Jake takes him to a park where he can get wet all over, and eat some dirt (yum) but better than that, Jake introduces him to a lot of other kids who decide Lump is "cool."

I was excited to review this book because it fits right in with my current theme of encouraging peer-advocacy among children. Everyone has their "slime" if you will - something that makes it challenging to befriend them. It would be easier in some respects to be like the farm animals and just run away every time you meet someone who is different from you, except that you'd spend a good bit of your time running away. How much better to be educated a little, like Jake, and to take the time to understand someone, to meet their needs, and help others understand that they're pretty okay. This is advocacy at its best, and its most personal. We can all learn a lot from Jake.

The book is written as a short and easy chapter book, perfect for beginning or struggling readers. The text is simple and straightforward. It is not at all preachy in that "there's a moral here, kid" kind of way. Jake and Lump do their own work of teaching the reader to be kind. Each chapter is paired with a fun full color illustration by Alexander Morris. You've never seen a cuter worm, even if he is enormous. I'm guessing the farmer misses Lump a lot - imagine the soil he could turn out!

So next time you see a worm, consider making a new friend...slime and all.

Book Review - The Runaway Bunny

This is probably a classic, but we checked it out from the library for the first time this week, so it is new to us. Little girl picked it out on behalf of the child (who was at school but asked us to get a book for her, too.) The author, Margaret Wise Brown, is probably best known for the book "Goodnight Moon." She seems to have a mild fascination with bunnies, and this alone has made her the target of humorous parodies. Be forewarned that "The Runaway Bunny" is unashamedly sweet. If that sort of thing makes you roll your eyes and look for the nearest exit then I guess this book is not for you, but if you want to start a conversation with your kids about how much you love them and how you will always be there for them...check it out.

The story begins with a little bunny who wants to run away. (Know any kids that have threatened to run away?) He informs his mother of his plans. One by one she meets his escape routes. If he vows to turn into a sailboat then she promises to be the wind that moves him across the sea. If he becomes of fish then she becomes a fisherman luring him from the water with carrots. One of the best pieces of the book is the pictures by Clement Hurd. In each scenario he presents a two page full color spread showing the mother patiently meeting each persona the bunny tries on. I particularly love the bird imagery in which the mother bunny becomes a tree for the bunny-bird to come home to. The sailboat is also quite touching. In one last ditch effort the bunny decides he will turn into a boy and run into a house. The mother says she will be the mother in the house waiting there with a big hug for him. The picture of this scene would fit right into the pages of "Goodnight Moon." The little bunny realizes this last effort is basically where he's at anyway, so he'll just stay put after all. "Very well, have a carrot," replies the calm mother.

Perhaps every child/parent relationship has its moments when one or the other wishes they could run away. I know I've been there myself, on both sides. I think what struck me the most about this story is the effective portrayal of mother love. The love that says,"No matter where you go or what you do I will be there, and I will be on your side even when you think I'm not." I know I want my children to feel that kind of security from me.  Books like The Runaway Bunny create an opportunity to sit with your child at the end of a hard day and tell them, in so many words, "I love you and I will be here."

I want to know how many of you have already read this book and love it...and I want to know what other sweet books you read when you want your children to feel your love right down to their toes.

Book Review - The Interrupting Chicken

Dinner conversation at our house these days is an event to witness. Everyone has something to say, even if it is not relevant to anything, often all three children are talking at once. I try to moderate:

• "It's Sissy's turn to talk, please wait."
• "Make sure no one else is talking before you talk."
• "Mommy can only hear one person at a time."

I am not always this calm about it. The child hates being interrupted and because of her language processing issues it takes her a while to figure out what she wants to say. If she is interrupted she has to start back at the beginning (yep), and then she has to figure out what she wants to say all over again. You can see why it is upsetting to her. Meanwhile her social skills haven't quite reached the level of knowing when she is dominating the conversation. She rattles on and on and her siblings just want to ask for more bread. Fun times. Really.

I asked for some help from our Speech Pathologist at school, and she recommended this fun story about interrupting. I'm not sure it is quite what I was after, but Interrupting Chicken is a really cute story. The little red chicken is all ready for bed but she wants a bedtime story. Papa agrees to read on the condition that little chicken will not interrupt. You can tell they've been through this before. "I'll be good, Papa." Papa tries three different familiar stories, and each time little red chicken interrupts and "ruins" the story. Papa gives up in exasperation. He is more sleepy than little chicken. He decides to turn the tables and have little chicken tell the story. So she writes a story and reads it to Papa, who interrupts, "ZZZzzzzzzz." Finally we see them snuggled up together fast asleep. This reminds me of our family. Daddy often does the bedtime stories and can read himself to sleep quite easily. Meanwhile the kids are still wired and ready for action.

Taken as its own story, this is a great book, as evidenced by winning a Caldecott Honor Award. The text is engaging and easy to read. The illustrations draw you into the story until you feel like you are in little chicken's room trying to get her to sleep. I really like how the three familiar stories are brought in both in text and illustration. I think it helps the reader understand the impact of the interruption.

For my purposes, I'm not sure this is quite what we need. First, the book isn't about a conversation, but story time. Though not perfect, our kids have gotten a lot better about sitting and listening to a story. All of those trips to the library are starting to pay off, I think. My second hesitation with this book is that there's no clear consequence to little chicken when she interrupts. In fact she kind of gets her way because she wants to stay up later. That's the kind of message I don't want my kids to pick up on. I want them to learn that interrupting is rude and reaps trouble.

So I'm still looking for a tool to help teach my kids polite conversation skills, but if you want a fun read, check out The Interrupting Chicken. If you know of a good book I should check out, let me know in the comments below.

Book Review - the show-and-tell lion

"There's a moon up in the sky."
"Really? I don't see it, sweetie. Not that I don't believe you, but where is it?"
"Mom, I was just pretending my cheerio is a moon."
"Oh!"

Children have such wonderful imaginations. It's hard for us to remember sometimes how real their imaginary ideas are to them. In "the show-and-tell lion" the main character, Matthew, wants to share something exciting with his class during show-and-tell. He says, "I have a lion...a baby lion." and the story grows from there. His teacher tries to redirect him, but her alternate story is just a false, or maybe more false because it is not what he is seeing in his own mind. As the other children ask questions, Larry (the lion) grows bigger and bigger. Matthew's tale gets away from him when the children all ask to go on a field trip to see Larry before he has to go live at the zoo.

There are so many things I love about this story. It explores the imagination of a little boy and how real it becomes to him. The illustrations by Lynne Avril Cravath are endearing and add to the story in subtle ways (like the protrait of George Washington peering over Matthew's shoulder as he begins his fantastic story). The text by Barbara Abercrombie is straightforward and easy to read.

I think what I like best is that Matthew takes his dilemma home and shares it with his mother. Her response is that Matthew needs to tell the truth. She doesn't rescue him by rushing out to find a pet lion (unlikely, I know...but these days...) or letting him stay home from school for a few days while his friends move on to something else. She guides him to understand that his wonderful imagination has gotten away from him, and that he needs to be honest. Matthew's excellent solution is to make Larry "real" in a story. He writes down all of Larry's adventures and illustrates them himself. When he shares the "real" Larry with his class they are initially disappointed, but soon caught up in the adventure of the story. I also like how the author and illustrator show pages of Matthew's story and both the writing and drawing are typical of a child's writing and drawing - with cross outs, misspellings, and simple shapes.

Imagination is a wonderful gift, and this story shows how to encourage and direct it at the same time.

We found this lovely story at our local library, but you can also find it on Amazon, here.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Book Review - Whole Body Listening Larry at School

Our cheerful socially skilled friend, Larry, is back on the scene. This time he's tutoring new students Leah and Luka (fraternal twins, no less) on the importance of Whole Body Listening. Similar to the earlier book (reviewed here) where Larry helps his sister, Lucy, learn to listen with every body part, Larry walks Leah and Luka through the whole process, too. In this case the listening lessons occur in classroom and playground settings. For example, following a buzzing fly with your eyes instead of looking at the guest speaker at an assembly means you'll miss the best part of the show. Singing a song during story time distracts everyone from hearing the climax of the book. Responding to a friend's sad story with your own happy tale makes them think you don't care, and caring is essential to listening with your heart.


The second book is also told in a straightforward rhyme which is helpful to struggling readers. The pictures, narration, and speech and thought bubbles all help convey the message of the book. Two differences I noticed, and liked, arise from the use of two characters, one male and one female, who need to learn Whole Body Listening skills. It seems that sometimes we think of only boys (or less often only girls) as having a problem with listening. Boys tend to be more active and girls can be silly with giggling and such. The truth is that both boys and girls can struggle with listening skills. I liked seeing that played out. I also liked that at times one of the twins might be depicted as having successful expected behavior while the other was struggling. This emphasizes not only that they are separate individuals (something that again is sometimes hard for us to keep in mind in our concept of twins), but also that it is possible to succeed in one area of listening, while struggling in another area. Perhaps you've mastered listening with your ears, but your eyes tend to rove the room instead of focusing on the teacher.

Last but not least I have to assure you that even though the message is the same, the story remains fresh for my child at least. A friend gave us a copy of this book some time ago, but I had hidden it away in hopes of reviewing it before releasing it to the wilds of our book pile. When the child saw it this morning she sat down right away to read it. She compared the body parts diagram in the two books, and insisted on reading it again tonight with our bedtime repertoire. So if you haven't already had the chance to check out these books, I would encourage you to do so. I think they have both greatly encouraged good listening for my little social skills scholar.

P.S. Sorry I can't seem to post an image of the book at the moment. Blogger will upload, but not embed the image. I'll try again later if I can...

Sunday Digest 36

It's time for another Sunday Digest - actually it's overdue! Somewhere between technical difficulties, toilet learning (one down, one to go) and other parenting duties you will find the time I was supposed to be getting this done...sigh. Meanwhile, I have found some interesting posts to refer you to, and here they are:

1) 5 Minutes for Special Needs, where I'm thrilled to post weekly, has a new feature, called "Ask the Parents"...you can go here to read about it and see how it works. The idea is to gather questions from our audience that we can respond to directly as well as reply to in posts. If you have a burning question for other special needs parents, ask away!

2) As always, my blogging friend over at Autism & Oughtisms is stirring the pot with a detailed look into intellect and intelligence, and all the labels that we throw about so casually...

3) I did a guest post over at Books 4 Christian Kids a little over a week ago. The book has little to do with Special Needs, per se, except perhaps that our kids may be more prone to anxiety issues. Ready for Anything, the book I reviewed, could be a gentle entry point for talking about worry with your child.

4) I couldn't have said this better myself. Tammy over at Praying for Parker says it like she means it. Education choices abound in the Special Needs world, and sometimes it seems like everyone has an agenda. No one could doubt Tammy's Special Needs Advocate pedigree, but she chooses to homeschool Parker because it is best for him. Not only can she meet his specific (tactile) learning style, she can protect him from the myriad germs that would make him sick if not threaten his life. I can say, as a parent of a child who is mainstreamed in a general education classroom that I totally respect her choice...I couldn't pull it off with my own child, but I applaud her ability and would never question her decision on some argument that her choice negates or makes mine any harder to achieve. Parents should choose the best education they can find for their own child, and that's the ideal we should be working together to achieve.

5) And speaking of such, doesn't this sound like a lovely neighborhood? Thanks for sharing it with all of us, Kristina White via Hopeful Parents.

Until next time, click away and if you leave a comment make sure you tell them you found them over at The Simple Life.

Book Review - D.W.'s Guide to Perfect Manners

My kids all love the Arthur characters - books and videos. Does anyone know, by the way, what kind of animal Arthur et al. are supposed to be? Just curious...if you know please leave it in a comment, because I haven't the foggiest. We had lots of rainy days this past winter and at our school the policy on rainy days is that the kids go to the library to watch a video during lunch recess. This is where the child learned about Arthur, and she has been hooked ever since. The twins also like him, so that's a bonus. It's always nice when we can find something to agree on.D.W, in case you don't know, is Arthur's little sister.

We found D.W.'s Guide to Perfect Manners at the library, and although it was my little girl who picked it off the shelf, the child has also enjoyed reading it a few times. It is at just the right reading level for her (mid-1st grade), so that's a plus.There's something about finding a book with a character your child loves that also has a message that you as a parent love. It's a magical combination, and I think it is found in this little gem. The illustrations are typical Marc Brown - colorful and just enough detail to keep things interesting without being too overwhelming. The book follows D.W. through her day as she tries to have "perfect" manners. Everything from self care (washing, tooth brushing, wearing clean clothes, and combing your hair) to table manners and social skills is covered in a straightforward manner. Most of the manners are presented as positives (Do this...) rather than negatives (Don't do that...) but some negatives slip in. I know from personal experience how hard it is to put everything as a positive, but I think it is easier for young children and those with learning differences to hear what they should do. This is the one thing I am disappointed by in this book. The other thing I would probably clarify for a child is that the book talks about being "perfect" by which it means having good manners - it does not mean that the child can't make mistakes. This could be addressed on the page where D.W. says "Perfect people say 'I'm sorry' if they mess up or if they hurt someone..." Clearly (to me) the perfection here is in knowing that if you make a mistake you apologize, not that you won't make a mistake at all. Still for children it might be confusing to talk about being a "perfect" person. In fact, we have taught the child that the only Perfect Person is Jesus. I am pleased that the Arthur products include constructive interactions with adult characters. I've noticed a trend lately where children's shows and books seem to put the child character out there on their own to handle whatever conflict comes their way. It's nice to see a more realistic interaction where parents are a valuable and encouraging resource for their children.

Overall this book is a sweet way to reinforce good manners for your child, especially if they are attracted to these characters anyway.

Rerun Book Review - When I Feel Angry

Recycling is good, right? I have a movie that I've been wanting to review for you, and I have watched it, but I haven't had the time to really give it all of the attention I usually give to a review. Partly that is because we are back at my mother-in-law's house. You can read a little about how that is going here. Meanwhile this book, which I originally reviewed back in October 2009 would be an excellent read for several members of the household, self included...Since several of you probably didn't know this blog existed back then I will save you the trip through the archives to locate it. Enjoy!

After a day like today I need this book almost as much as my child does. I love the title. It is so realistic. It doesn't say "If I Get Angry" or "When I Am Angry" or "I Shouldn't Get Angry." This book assumes, rightly, that your child will feel angry; it emphasizes that this is a feeling, not a state of being; it even acknowledges that there are times when anger is a fine response. However, it encourages positive ways to work through the anger - taking deep breaths, getting some exercise, or finding something fun to do (distraction!)

I hope I modeled this well at least once today. We were decorating Halloween cookies and my daughter really wanted some of them to have spider webs on them. In my rather limited decorating repertoire this was going to be challenging at best, plus the cookie decorating was supposed to be a structured activity to keep her busy while I was making dinner. Anyway I attempted the spider web but the decorating trip clogged and my attempts to clean it out didn't help. Meanwhile dinner was waiting on the stove and the twins were dancing at my feet wanting attention, too. I said, pretty calmly, "I'm going to have to stop working on cookies now. I'm getting too frustrated." Then I turned my attention to dinner. My daughter was a little upset that we had to stop, but while I finished dinner we processed it a little bit and I emphasized that sometimes when we are getting frustrated we need to take a break.

The story book follows the adventures of a cute little bunny girl as she realizes that some things that make her angry can't be fixed, but some can. She learns to get help figuring it out and to spend time talking and listening to work things out. The pictures are all darling. The text, in my opinion, is written at a great level even for children with language processing issues. The ideas take a little practice to remember and act on in the heat of the moment, but they are all solid re-regulating ideas.

Enjoy!

Book Review - Sammy the Classroom Pet

Some time ago I decided I wanted to host our preschool's pet guinea pig for part of the Summer months. While I was thinking about it I spied this book at the library and brought it home to see if it sparked any interest with the kids. I had three pet guinea pigs when I was growing up (one at a time) and Sammy looked a little like my favorite one, who was named Charlie. It turned out to be a really good idea to get this book for a couple of reasons.

First, we did end up bringing home Pepper for at least a couple of weeks, so reading the book ahead of time heightened the kids interest in helping to take care of her. The first few weeks of Summer while we are decompressing from school and waiting for our Summer activities to start can be a little hard to keep fun. Pepper has added some real interest to our "hanging out at home" times.

Second, the story of Sammy is more than just a story. It weaves a lot of small animal care information into the story. It talks about the noises they make (WHEEP!!) and what they need in their cage. It talks about how excited they get, and how they are very social and love attention from their caregivers. It even talks about some of their favorite foods, which now has my kids searching the yard for dandelion leaves which are apparently a guinea pig delicacy. The illustrations are adorable, and the text is easy to read and understand. My struggling reader picked it up independently several times. She even read Sammy to Pepper. Fun!

Sadly Sammy had to return to the library today, and Pepper will only be with us for a short while, but I think together they have made a great impression on all of my kids, and made Summer very sweet.

Here's hoping I haven't fed the "can we get a pet" fire...not ready for that...yet.

The Simple Life Is Getting Around!

Fellow blogger Nancy Hird at Books 4 Christian Kids re-posted my review of the book Whole Body Listening Larry at Home on her site. Be sure to head over there and check out Nancy's other recommended titles. Thanks, Nancy!

Book Review - Signs of Trouble

The first paragraph of Signs of Trouble puts you into the shoes of the main characters, Amy and Kim. Excited to be on a field trip with their special education classmates, they enter a shopping mall and take in the intense aromas and sounds of the setting. The sounds and some other distracting events, like needing to use the restroom, cause Amy and Kim to get separated from their class. What will they do? They use the skills they came to the mall to practice, and some safety rules they've learned from their teacher to eventually reunite with their class.

What Mom hasn't experienced that heart-stopping feeling of getting separated from our kids? For parents of special needs children it seems even more threatening. Will they remember the rules we've told them? What if they panic and can't remember anything? What if they can't find an adult to help them? We recently had an experience at school that made me even more aware that I need to help my daughter learn good "emergency" skills.

One feature I love about "Signs of Trouble" is the creative exercises at the end of the story that could help support the learning of emergency skills. There are also some activities related to understanding learning differences, another topic that I'm planning to spend some time talking with my daughter about this Summer.

I adore the art work by Jack Foster in this book. It has the right blend of colors and shading to help children focus on the key features of the picture. The characters remind me of the increasingly popular Manga art style. Most importantly, the pictures do not conflict in any way with the text, instead they help us understand - like the picture of the telephone cord dangling feet above the heads of the girls as they wonder which number it is they're supposed to call when they get in trouble.

The story line seems like just the right level of conflict for children - not so scary as to be frightening - but clearly some problems they can relate to, like a stranger approaching them when they are already nervous about being lost. There is a fair amount of text on each page, which might make it challenging for early readers, but the story line is straightforward and well stated. Overall this is a great book to read if these are topics you would like to talk about with your children or students.

Disclosure: Janet Ann Collins, author of "Signs of Trouble," is a writing acquaintance of mine. We've only met once in person, but correspond a bit by e-mail and facebook. She asked me to review her book and was kind enough to send me a pdf copy to that purpose. I received no other compensation for this review, and as always have given my honest appraisal of this lovely piece of work.

Book Review - Thinking in Pictures

I recently finished reading Temple Grandin's book, Thinking in Pictures. I had already read her earlier work, Emergence, Labeled Autistic and reviewed it here. I have to admit I am fascinated by her life and soak up everything I can learn about her and from her. To date this is the closest thing I can find to getting inside my daughter's head to understand more about how she experiences the world around her. That may sound strange if you aren't familiar with the language barrier that we still struggle with just to relate events of the day. Yesterday my daughter told me she had said a "bad word" at school and had to promise the principal she wouldn't say it again. After several minutes of asking questions and deciphering I learned that she had said, "stupid clock" and evidently somehow the principal found out (maybe just the "stupid" part) and sat down to talk with her about it during lunch. I still don't know if she was in trouble over it, or how the principal found out or a lot of the other details. Talking about these things too much (giving them too much attention) can sometimes backfire into repeat performances, which obviously I want to avoid since she promised the principal she wouldn't say it anymore. So after learning enough to get the general idea I changed topics (knowing in the back of my mind that I may need to follow up with the principal at some point). This is just one daily incident that a neuro-typical kid either wouldn't tell their parent at all (for fear of getting in trouble) or would be able to explain fully without being lead along by questions and clarifications. Imagine trying to really probe her emotions (which she doesn't really get anyway) or asking her to explain how she perceives light, sound, temperature, surprises or facial expressions...all topics that I'd really like to understand better.

Temple Grandin has been there and has enough written clarity to explain her experiences in terms that I can understand and relate to. I have no illusions that her experiences are identical to my daughter's, but particularly in Thinking in Pictures she has also interviewed other adults with autism to supplement her own experiences and give a more well-rounded description of how autism affects the way people think.

I found the idea of thinking in pictures to be a little hard to grasp. I am a very weak visual learner (maybe because I have had poor eyesight since age 6?). I am more auditory and kinesthetic. Still when Temple talked about running a video in her mind to visualize a new piece of equipment or a new design project, I could relate it to my own tendency to replay conversations in my head -- usually coming up with the perfect comeback hours after it is needed. I am not sure if my daughter is visually oriented or not. I know that visual aids (schedules, signs, rewards, etc.) are helpful to her and that she has an amazing sense of color, but I don't know if she remembers things visually or not. I'll be looking for signs of this skill.

The other key analogy Dr. Grandin makes in Thinking in Pictures is the similarity of fear-based responses in animals (particularly cattle) and individuals with autism. She talks about the loud whooshing sound of air-brakes on buses and semi-trucks and how they can cause cattle to balk. Although my daughter has overcome a lot of her anxiety triggers, this is one thing that she still struggles with. As we walk to school she often walks with her hands over her ears when buses are nearby and sometimes freezes and refuses to walk past them. I can't understand the root of this fear, but knowing it is a common trigger I try to remember to just support her as we walk by instead of getting frustrated when she freezes. There are other anxiety triggers that we continue to work around and take baby steps toward eliminating. Many of them have to do with restrooms - another place where that whooshing sound occurs and in this case has added other associations that trigger anxiety - doors that don't latch, automatic flushing mechanisms, stainless steel fixtures, multiple stalls, and on it goes. One trigger begets many triggers and any one of them may peg the anxiety meter and make an everyday event become an obstacle to surpass.

There is also a chapter on Dr. Grandin's religious views, which was interesting to read. I think my daughter is beginning to understand on a thought level the tenets of our Christian faith, and I am hopeful that soon she will make that faith her own in her heart. It was interesting to see how Dr. Grandin thinks about these things. There is also a chapter about dating and romantic relationships which may be important a little later on here...

Although I don't think I learned a lot about the main points of autism, Thinking in Pictures sort of filled in the details and made some of the finer points come into focus. I recommend reading it if you have a similar passion of wanting to understand this challenging disorder.

Book Review - Special People Special Ways

 We are beginning the adventure of explaining to our daughter what her challenges are, where they come from, and how she can use her strengths to overcome them. It's an adventure that we knew would come one day, and one that we have started as some of her peers have started to notice and comment on her differences. We want her to be able to explain it to others and hopefully become her own best advocate. Eventually her siblings will need to understand why their Sissy is different, too. I've been looking around for resources and came across this book one day at our local library. We have been advised by trusted resources that the first step of the journey is to begin to recognize and comment on "differences" in people in everything from hair color to physical abilities. Each day I try to point out one way that people are different from each other. One day it was how people get to school. We want to make "differences" be normal. This book coincided nicely with that goal.

Special People Special Ways is written in rhyme, which makes it a catchy read for language learners. Every page has sweet illustrations of children with different abilities and ethnic backgrounds. Of course in the illustrations as in the real world the most obvious "differences" are physical - a wheelchair, a white cane, a guide dog (or monkey!), or crutches. Still the text addresses children with communication challenges, learning challenges, and more subtle differences. The overall message of the book is that each child is unique, each child is valuable, and each child needs help in different ways. Everyone is important and loved. We read the book with all of our children and enjoyed interacting with them around these characters. It is targeted toward a young audience, I would say ages 4-7. It does not address any deeper questions about the various challenges these children face.

I think this is a beautiful introduction to the diverse needs of people all around us. I was sad to have to return it to the library and will probably seek it out again as we approach the next phase of the adventure. Stay tuned.

Book Review - Whole Body Listening Larry at Home!

I have some pretty cool friends. The other day one of my cool friends gave our family this book. I think it will be good for our whole family. If there is one thing I get most frustrated about with my kids it is that they "don't listen" to me. Sometimes, I have to admit, I'm the one who is not listening. This sweet book talks about how to use every part of your body (not just your eardrums) to listen. It turns out that your eyes, your mouth, body (torso), hands, feet, brain and heart are all involved in truly listening to another person. While my kids are often not listening with their mouths, hands, and feet (generally at least one of them is making noise with at least one of these) I am more likely to be not listening with my brain (multi-tasking) or with my heart (ouch!) This simple story walks through the parts one at a time with socially savvy Larry helping his sister, Lucy, learn how leaving out any of the parts leaves other people (parents, siblings and peers) feeling frustrated and unloved. There are several things about this book that I love:

• The text is simple and presented in rhyme to add interest. In addition to narration that makes the key points, the characters words and thoughts are often presented in speech and thought bubbles. The thought bubbles are especially useful for helping children understand what the characters are feeling.
• The facial expressions of the characters are also very clear and will add to opportunities to discuss how each character is feeling when Lucy is not listening.
• Toward the end of the story there is a cartoon list of each body part so you can talk about what it means to listen with your eyes (looking at the person who is talking) or with your feet (sitting or standing quietly).
• The book shows Lucy being successful in the end and how everyone feels when she is listening - So Good!
• At the end of the book there is a list of suggested activities to supplement the story, and two visuals that can be used in the activities.

Whole Body Listening Larry is published by Think Social Publishing and is based on principles developed by Michelle G. Winner in her work on Social Thinking. I have met one of the authors, Elizabeth Sautter, as she is the co-director of a program my daughter attended last Summer for social skills support. I recognized many of the concepts in the book from similar concepts presented in the social skills curriculum, so I know it will connect with my daughter, too.

Soon they'll be releasing "Whole Body Listening Larry at School!" which will be a great tool for teachers!

Book Review - Parenting with Love and Logic

It is hard reviewing parenting classics. Last time I tried this I could not give a glowing review. This time around I'm a little more positive. I had heard a lot about "Love and Logic" parenting, but I had never read the book, so when I saw this goodie sitting in our preschool's parent library I snatched it up. It turns out that I do a lot of their recommendations already: giving children limited choices to help them learn to think for themselves, setting limits, and sometimes allowing for natural consequences. What I am perhaps missing is the calm finesse the authors characterize as "consultant parenting." I tend more toward their "drill sergeant" mode, so I've been working on that with some success. One key point that I've taken away and that seems to be helping the general flow of life around here is that I should not allow my kids' problems to be my problems, unless they are truly too big for the child to handle on their own. Lately when the twins come with their latest "tattle tale report" instead of dropping everything to go sort out the situation I say, "Did you use your words? Tell them you don't like that," and I offer a kiss to help them find their nice strong voice. Unless there is a safety issue in question this keeps me out of the fray and lets them learn to handle hard situations, which they will eventually need to do on their own anyway. Wouldn't you like your child to be able to say,"I don't like that!" when another child is picking on them? There are a few things I really liked about this book:

• First, they present their overall philosophy and then they provide a ton of real life situations (48) where their principles can be applied. Everything from pacifiers to internet use is covered at least briefly. It helps you see that this is not pie in the sky parenting advice, but really can work in a variety of situations. One of those 48 suggestions covers when to get professional help. I wish I had read that page about four years ago. It might have saved us a few months of heartache.
• Second, their view of spanking is not that it is "wrong" per se, but that it is ineffective compared with other techniques they say leave children "wishing for a spanking." Considering that some of the natural consequences they suggest include the child paying for their own babysitter...um, yeah. Around here that could bankrupt a kid pretty fast. This is much more in line with my current thinking on this hot button topic. We avoid spankings almost entirely around here and have replaced them with several more effective techniques.
• Third, they actually mention special needs children. Once. On page 130. It is presented in the context of how to help children handle bullies. If I have a beef with this book it is that they don't address special needs children and their parenting more, but at least they recognize we exist, briefly. I think a lot of the ideas in this book can be applied to special needs children directly - with developmental age taken into consideration - but it would be nice to hear the authors thoughts on this community. Not everything will work. The extended heart to heart discussions of a child's behavior post facto would probably spiral us back into the situation, and even if they didn't would not result in the "aha" moments described in the book. Language is just too much of a barrier for this to be effective for us.

One thing that I'm going to have to watch out for as I practice more of these techniques is that I maintain the right "voice" as I deliver the various parental  messages they endorse. The calm component is a big challenge with my short fuse temper. Providing choices just doesn't come across the same when offered at drill sergeant volume by a beet red face. The empathy component of delivering consequences is also hard to remember for the same reason. It would be easy to slip into either anger or sarcasm (which is lost on the child anyway) instead of the shared sadness the authors advocate.

Book Review - Santa's Favorite Story

I know some families don't like to mix Santa with their Christmas celebrations. Some parents only want to focus their kids' short attention spans on the true story of Christmas, and the real reason that we celebrate, the birth of Jesus.

I grew up in a family that was able to have a lot of fun with Santa, while still always keeping Jesus' birth at the primary focus of our celebrations. We sat on Santa's lap (at an embarrassingly old age, even, for me). I remember driving around on Christmas Eve and teasing each other that the red warning lights on the radio towers  were really Rudolph's nose. I also remember every year for quite a while trying to devise plans to catch my parents in the act of playing Santa...and never succeeding because my brother would always take the first watch. With all of this fun, my favorite parts of Christmas were attending the candlelight Christmas Eve service at church, singing Christmas carols about Jesus' birth, and setting up our nativity scene. There was never any doubt about what Christmas was all about. I am striving to have this same focus and fun with my kids as they grow. Last year we made a cake for Jesus' Birthday. This year we've started making advent paper chains with lines from this poem on each link. I read these lines:

It isn't the tinsel,
The wrapping or things,
That make me feel happy and
Make my heart sing.

The reason is simple...

to my daughter and asked her what the reason is and she said, "Because it is Jesus' Birthday!" She knows...but she is still excited to sit on Santa's lap again this year.

I guess all of this is just introduction to say how much I like the idea of Santa's Favorite Story. It tells the story of some woodland animals who find Santa taking a cat nap one snowy afternoon before Christmas Eve. They are worried that his fatigue will spell the end of Christmas, and Santa assures them that Christmas is not really about him. Then he tells them the "real story" of Christmas, how Jesus was born in Bethlehem and laid in a manger, where some shepherds found Him and came to worship. The animals all learn that Jesus gave us the greatest gift by coming as a baby that first Christmas night, and Santa gains fresh energy to carry out his duties on Christmas Eve, reminded of the true spirit of Christmas himself. I love the story line and the artwork in the book. I think the message is simple and that any child will understand that Christmas is all about Jesus' birth.

My one frustration is that the story of Jesus' birth as related in Santa's Favorite Story isn't quite aligned with the accounts in the Gospels (especially Luke 2). The shepherds hear "a voice" and follow a star to Bethlehem rather than seeing a choir of angels who instruct them to go there and find Jesus in a manger. Maybe Santa's sleepy state makes him roll the shepherds and wise men into one? I don't know...it just seems to me that if Santa is going to tell the animals the true story of Christmas it might as well be the True Story. Nonetheless it is a fun take on blending the fun of Santa with the true reasons we celebrate Christmas.

What do you think? How does your family handle this aspect of Christmas?

Book Review - Shepherding a Child's Heart

I had a choice tonight between reviewing something I'm really enjoying or reviewing something I've been struggling with for months. Can you guess which one I picked?

Shepherding a Child's Heart is a classic in Christian parenting circles. It is considered by many to be THE way to raise your child. I have started in to read it a couple of times now, and I just can't seem to make it fit my world. A dear friend recommended it to me the moment I shared with her the good news that we were expecting our first child. I find myself in agreement with the foundations of many of the ideas Dr. Tripp lays out in the first part of the book, that a child is shaped by internal and external influences, and that external behavior changes are not sufficient to raise a child up in the way they should go. Rather a change of heart is required.

I'm struggling with two areas:

First - Dr. Tripp's methods seem very "talk" oriented. Meaning there is some expectation that you will lay out the child's choices, the consequences of those choices, and explain that you are performing your duty as a parent before God to shape your child into the person He wants them to become...etc. Please don't misunderstand, we do use choices, and consequences, and we do remind our daughter often that we are here to help her, but we do so in as few words as possible, and almost never during an actual behavior incident. Talking to my daughter when she is misbehaving is like pouring gasoline on a fire. It rarely defuses the situation. I have a hard time translating Dr. Tripp's approach to our situation.

Second - Dr. Tripp is pro-spanking. I wish I could say I've never spanked my children. (Sorry, Mom...) There was a period of time where that was our default consequence. My husband and I were both raised in households where that was a norm (and we turned out okay...) In our household, however, it was pretty scary for all concerned, to be honest. At the time we were under the impression that our daughter was "strong-willed" (which she is...) but we did not understand that she is also autistic. In the end I think that combo will serve her well, but between the ages of 3-5 it wasn't pretty. It was a vicious cycle...we were telling her repeatedly not to (hit, kick, bite, pull hair, etc.) but the punishment was a spanking (in her mind a hit...) so what kind of example is that to her? I found myself begging God to show me a better way, and I believe He answered that prayer in the form of a series of positive behavioral support workshops that my husband and I were blessed to take. Not that we haven't had our moments of frustration, but overall our home is much more peaceful, functional, and healthy. My kids are not little angels, but I am occasionally complimented by strangers and friends alike on how well-behaved they are. They know I have firm boundaries, and that fun times will end if those boundaries are crossed, but spanking is now a last resort, end of the rope...used in response to clear defiance, particularly on a safety rule. [Please God, don't let there be a test on this tomorrow!]

It's kind of sad, in a way, because Shepherding a Child's Heart was the book that got me started on this whole blog idea. Wouldn't it be cool, I thought, to translate those Christian parenting ideas to the special needs world? Yet here I am giving the most negative review I've written yet...still working on it I guess.

What books have you used to shape your parenting journey?

This post is participating in the Moms' 30-Minute Blog Challenge at Steady Mom.

Book Review - The Way I Feel

I haven't had much time for reading lately - I'm caught up on all my blog subscriptions, and that's about it. So I thought I'd review a children's book today. The Way I Feel by Janan Cain was the first book I spied on our coffee table that seemed most appropriate for a Simple Life shout out.

The cover pretty much says it all. This book is well written and well illustrated for children like my daughter who have "BIG feelings." There is seldom a mediocre tone happening around our house. With two two-year-olds testing the waters and a child that struggles to self-regulate we have drama in every corner. From pretty normal sibling squabbles over whose turn it is to play with THE coveted toy (in a house overrun by toys, by the way) to ecstatic spinning and laughing as we careen around the house before Mom makes us go outside (and that's just the first half hour of the day) we've got emotions coming out our ears. Really.

The fun thing about this book is that the characters in here have BIG feelings, too. "Positive" and "Negative" are given pretty equal showing. Silly, scared, disappointed, happy, sad, angry, thankful, frustrated, shy, bored, excited, jealous, proud, are each represented and respected with a diverse and expressive group of kids. In the end:

"Feelings come and feelings go.
I never know what they'll be.
Silly or angry, happy or sad -
They're all a part of me!"

I think reading this book has given my daughter some emotional vocabulary beyond "happy, sad, and angry." I hope by continuing to read it she can learn to match some of the facial expressions to the emotions. Regardless I'm glad for the simple message that feelings, no matter how big they are, should be expressed, but in appropriate and expected ways.

As a bonus (as you can see from the excerpt) the text is written in rhyme - without any stretch or strain to make it work. The illustrations are colorful and beautiful. I have been very pleased to have this one in our library.

Have you read this one? What do you think? Drop me a comment below!