D is for Dresser

When I asked the child for a letter D object to photograph she immediately said, "Dresser!" I'm noticing that she basically looks around and says the first thing she sees that starts with the letter of the week. I may have to be more careful of her surroundings when I ask her for a word! Luckily her Dresser is not looking as bad as it sometimes does. I just cleared it off and "reorganized" it a little over a week ago.

To be fair, this is one of the few places the child can put things that she doesn't want her siblings to mess with. They can't quite reach up there yet, and it is certainly out of sight for them, so they usually ignore whatever is up there. These may be among her most prized possessions.

The jewelry box on the right is a music box with lots of little drawers to hide treasure in. You may also see her John Lennon glasses, her "fossil" and clay fairy that she made in 2nd grade, and her cherished "Squinkie" salon play set. Less important (to her) the clothes stowed inside. The purpose of the dresser in her mind is to protect her special things.

Where is your treasure?

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal." - Jesus

(Matthew 6:19-20, NIV)

I know you want to delve into more dutiful D delicacies, so click here.

Dealing with Anxiety (Yours)

I have struggled off and on with anxiety for most of my adult life. I worried a lot as a kid, too, but my supportive and loving Christian parents helped keep it in check. When I left home to attend college the things and people I had relied on to stay strong were removed and I felt quite alone in facing my fears. There were days that I would come home from class and lay on my bed completely paralyzed by fear. I couldn't even put my finger on what exactly I was afraid of most of the time. It was hard, but I learned a lot about myself and my faith in the process. I still probably worry more than I should. When my kids get sick I tend to think it might be the worst scenario (like vicarious hypochondria?) but over the years I've learned a lot of tools that help me keep an even keel.

Keep good company - When my anxiety first flared it was so overwhelming that I didn't want to be around people, but I soon learned that being around good friends helped me feel stronger. It was really important to be around the right people, though. Some people caused more anxiety than they cured. Others meant well, but their words sometimes left me feeling guilty for feeling the way I did, or even that things might get worse rather than better. There were a few good souls who might say very little, but just by being with me would help me calm down.

Fill your mind with scripture - There are a lot of great verses that help us turn our worries over to the Lord. Meditate on these. Memorize them. When your chest gets tight repeat them until you feel God's peace wash over you. I've listed a few verses below, but a good Study Bible (or a judicious Google search) will turn up many more that you may find helpful.

• Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV) Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
• Matthew 6:25-34 (NIV)
• Psalm 37:3-6 (NIV) Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
• Proverbs 18:10 (NIV) The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.

Pour out your heart in prayer - I always found journaling and writing out my prayers to be the most useful way to get my thoughts, fears, and worries in order. Simply naming the monster was really helpful. My kids reminded me of this the other day when they asked me before bedtime what color monsters are. I asked them what color they thought they were, and they said brown, and were promptly ready for bed. There's no way to be sure, but I think if I had not answered their question, or if I had dismissed their worry, or even planted my own monster's color in their head the conversation could have led to a protracted discussion, and maybe even nightmares. By letting them name the color I gave them control over the monster. When you can name your monsters at the throne of God, He will give you the strength you need to face them head on.

Find a healthy outlet - In college I started making digital art on one of my friend's computers. Pre-twins I was exercising three times a week. Now, I write. Find something that helps you feel productive, energized, and hopeful. It is hard for worry and hope to exist in the same mind. Do some art, take a walk, bake, find a service project, knit. Whatever you do, make sure it helps you feel better.

Get help - There are times when anxiety goes from being an emotional problem to being a medical problem. Right after my husband and I were married my anxiety was so deep that I couldn't function well. Doing the laundry was overwhelming, and I felt like I was coming apart at the seams. I knew I couldn't go on like this, so first I made an appointment with my doctor. He ordered a bunch of tests to rule out physical causes, and eventually prescribed anti-anxiety medication. I took them to give myself the mental space I needed to figure out what was triggering the anxiety so that I could overcome it. My next step was to find a Biblical counselor - she helped me get to the spiritual roots of what was causing my anxiety (in my case there were lots of people that I was harboring resentment toward, 20 years worth of bitterness, ouch). The habits I learned in my counseling helped me improve my thought life and gradually I was able to wean myself off of the medication. I know for other people anxiety is an on-going medical challenge and medication is necessary for them to function every day. I believe God gave us medicine, and that we should use it wisely to help us do what we need to do. Don't put off getting professional help if you're in over your head. The sooner you start the sooner you can begin to truly enjoy life again.

Overlooking the Obvous [Or Obvious...]

On Tuesdays and Thursdays my dear husband works long hours away from home, and I cart the children around from one activity to another. It is perhaps unwise that these are also the days that the twins don't usually get a nap. In any case by the end of these days I am tired, and more than ready to turn on a show for the children and sneak off to my computer.

The other night this was not a good idea.

The child finally told me what the twins were up to. They had used some ketchup from dinner to try a little fingerpainting on the coffee table. Ahem.

I scolded them, but was more angry at myself. I should have known better.

I cleaned it all up, or so I thought, and hustled them off to bed to prevent further catastrophes. This was on Tuesday. Now it is Thursday night, and I'm finding it frustrating, and maybe a little funny, that I keep finding ketchup. Nearby the coffee table we have a leather ottoman and couch. Beige leather. Red ketchup. How could I miss it, right? Somehow I'm sure I'll find another spot somewhere. I think in my haste to "clean up the mess and be done with it" I overlooked some of the mess, even though it was obvious.

I have a tendency to do this with more significant spiritual matters, too. Things that I know are not a good idea. Events when I really should know better. Messes that I want cleared away and "dealt with." How wonderful to know that I have a Father who knows where every spot is. He has a way of drawing my attention to each issue, in its time, and saying, "Here, let's work on this one now."

Celebrating the letter O with Jenny Matlock and the Alphabe-Thursday crowd. Click here to see Other Opulent Offerings on the letter O.

O was the first letter the child learned. It was natural progression from her obsession with balls, and all things circular and spherical. Funny to remember that...

Dignity and Humor

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet...She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. (Proverbs 31:10-21; 25 NIV)

This study of the Proverbs 31 woman has been so rich for me. I hope you have enjoyed it, too. If you're just joining in you can review the earlier posts by clicking on the links in the passage above. The Proverbs 31 woman has always been a bit intimidating to me because of all she does, but recently God has been reminding me that He is more interested in who I am than in what I do. I decided to look into the character of this woman and see if I can learn more about "how to be" from her. It's been really encouraging so far.

There are two interesting juxtapositions in today's verse that I never noticed before. First, earlier in the passage (not quoted above) we are told that this woman is clothed in fine linen and purple (verse 22.) At this time period wearing linen signified that you were part of the noble class, and wearing purple meant you were royalty, or rich enough to be. Still the emphasis seems to be more on her spiritual attire of strength and dignity. There is symbolism in this for us. Personally my wardrobe could use a lot of gussying up. That show "What Not to Wear" would have itself quite a field day with my closet. I have clothing from high school (that still fits!) and mostly wear jeans, big t-shirts, and well-worn flannel shirts. I go for comfort and practicality and most "stylish" things just don't seem to fit either criteria...not to mention they're way out of our budget. However, even if my physical clothing isn't fit for the fashion runway, my spiritual clothing can be pleasing to the eye: noble and precious, strong and dignified. Dignity (honour in KJV) is the Hebrew word hadar (haw-dawr'; ^ over both a's) and means ornament, splendor, beauty, excellence, or majesty. It is derived from the primary root word hadar (haw-dar'; ^ only over the first a) which means to swell up, to favor, honor, or put forth. Needless to say it is a quality that makes this woman stand out in a crowd in a way that draws admiration from others. We can wear this dignity with anything - it is the perfect accessory for every outfit.

The second point is the seemingly contradictory characteristics of dignity and humor. She is clothed with dignity, yet she laughs at the days ahead. I have often wondered at this turn of phrase. When I look at the days to come I rarely laugh, unless nervous laughter counts. I'm usually the one biting my nails worrying about every possible outcome and not at all confident that I'll have what it takes to persevere. There was a time when I would actually worry if I didn't have something to worry about, so I've come a long way, but it's all too easy to let my mind run to the worst possible scenarios. This woman looks at the days ahead with confidence, joy, and a sense of humor. One might think that dignity and humor don't fit in the same personality, but here we see that the strength and dignity to face the future is the very root of good humor. With all of the uncertainty and fear-mongering that abounds in our society the secret of dignified humor will be key to stepping forward with confidence in the days ahead.

Let's join the Proverbs 31 woman and look ahead with joy in our hearts, assured that our future is secure.

Rebuilding the Walls

I am taking an intermission from my series on Proverbs 31 to write about something that jumped out at me the other night during our kids' story time of all things. We have some books that my mom gave us with ideas on how to answer some of kids' biggest questions about God and the Bible. Even though they are geared toward older kids our twins love carrying them around and calling them their "Bibles". So cute. They often choose to hear one of these as their story, too.

The other night they picked "102 Questions Children Ask about the Bible" and the question was:

"Why didn't the Jews ever change their clothes while they were rebuilding the walls?"

My ears perked up - maybe because I was folding laundry while Daddy was reading - is this a Biblical mandate for laundry reduction?? We read on...

You are probably familiar with the story of Nehemiah. He was cupbearer to the King - of Babylon. (Nehemiah 1:11, NIV) He was also a devout Jew and was devastated to hear that the walls of Jerusalem lay in rubble. The walls of a city at that time bespoke its reputation and more importantly provided the main defensive strategy against invaders. The Jews had been in exile in Babylon, but a remnant had returned to live in Jerusalem, still under Babylonian authority. The walls were broken down and the gates were burned. Attempts to rebuild had been labeled rebellion. Nehemiah prays, and given the opportunity, boldly asks the King for permission to return to Jerusalem and rebuild the city. Nehemiah returns to Jerusalem and devises a strategy for rebuilding the walls. It is a community effort, but not without opposition. Detractors within and without seek to keep the walls in disrepair. Discouragement, ridicule, threats, and fatigue faced them at every stage of the rebuilding. But, "the people worked with all their heart." (Nehemiah 4:6, NIV) Part of their strategy was to always be prepared for work and for a fight...half of the men did the work while half were equipped with weapons. "Those who carried materials did their work with one hand and held a weapon in the other." (Nehemiah 4:17, NIV) Lastly, they didn't spend a lot of time on creature comforts:

Neither I nor my brothers nor my men nor the guards with me took off our clothes; each had his weapon, even when he went for water. (Nehemiah 4:23, NIV)*

As I have continued to ponder this story over the last couple of days, I can't help but see some analogies to our own family. The last four years have been pretty brutal, in part from choices we made and in part from the vagaries of living in a fallen world - stuff happens. I can't list everything we've been through, but suffice it to say it has been a lot. Just when we think we're getting our feet back under us another wave of circumstance bowls us over and leaves us wondering how we'll rebuild this time. I think, without realizing it, my husband and I have followed the example of Nehemiah. We work hard. We try to prepare and react well to each situation that we face. We have trimmed away at luxuries that we once considered commonplace. I think that we can do more, though.

In particular I am considering the weapons that Nehemiah dispersed among his crew. In their case they had their spears, their shields, their bows and their armor at the ready. The weapons we need are not physical, but spiritual, and are described for us in Ephesians 6:14-18 (NIV):

Stand firm, then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests...

We need to work with one hand and be ready to fight with the other. We have the same enemies of discouragement, ridicule, threats, and fatigue hurled at us in the spiritual realm. Only God can provide us with the strength to keep rebuilding for His honor and glory.

If you find yourself in a similar position, and I know many people do these days - we aren't the only ones who have been beaten down in the last few years - I hope you will be encouraged to read the story of Nehemiah. In the end they overcome, and so shall we!



* I had to laugh when the NIV version was different from the version in the 102 Questions book. I'm not sure which version they used (it is not cited) but they quote: "During this time we never took off our clothes, except for washing. This included me, my brothers, the servants, and the guards who were with me. And we carried our weapons with us at all times. (Nehemiah 4:23)" It was the phrase "except for washing" that caught my attention. Were they washing the clothes or themselves? It is unclear. Since this version differed from the NIV I looked at the footnotes in my study Bible and saw this note, "The meaning of the Hebrew for this clause is uncertain." I believe this refers to the "even when he went for water". To me it looks like one version interpreted this as washing (something) and the other interprets it as going for water. I am no Hebrew scholar and haven't studied the Hebrew text here, but my guess is the verse should read: "...each had his weapon, even when he went to the bathroom!" Every mom I know can relate to that translation! :-)

Sunday Digest 25

Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Next week we have our big pie and praise festival at our church. It almost snuck up on me this year. Usually I plan carefully which pie I'll be bringing. I always bring an alternative to pumpkin because I don't like pumpkin pie, and I know someone else will bring the pumpkin for everyone else who does like it. I know...it's almost un-American to not like pumpkin pie. What can I say? Anyway, I'm finding myself with a lot to be thankful for. So much that I'm a beat or so behind where I need to be. Not so busy that I haven't had time to find you some good reads/listens on the internet. Read on in this SILVER (25th!) edition of the best of the rest...

1) We love fidgets, and this link (found via OUR Journey Thru Autism) has some good ideas for a fidget bag that is suitable for keeping in a school binder, and the fidgets to put into it. Children with sensory integration and self-regulation issues often have a hard time quieting their body for events like circle time, assemblies, waiting in line, and working quietly at their desk. Fidgets are usually small, interesting but not too stimulating (fine line here) objects that a student can keep in their hand to help them keep the rest of their body quiet. I kind of self-discovered this way back when I was in college and I was finding it hard to pay attention in some of my faster-paced, content-intensive classes. I made a bean bag, which I called my blob and I would hold it in one hand while I wrote with the other. My daughter responds well to fidgets and we used to carry a fidget bag just about everywhere we went. She still has one or two available at school when she needs them.

2) One of the reasons I re-started The Simple Life was to explore ideas of teaching matters of faith to children with special needs. I recently saw this excerpt of a speech by a Jewish Rabbi. I think many of the ideas expressed here could be applied in other faiths, and I believe this is one of the upcoming challenges to churches, synagogues and other places of worship. We need to be prepared. Many parents that I've met don't feel like their special needs children are welcome in their house of worship...and that is beyond sad in my opinion.

3) This story from Eren over at Steady Mom will help you feel good about how our children, of all abilities, can inspire and teach us if we let them. Technically no special needs involved here, but talk about underdogs.

4) My 5th grade French teacher posted a link to this interview on Facebook. I love how Facebook reconnects us with so many different influences...The interview on NPR is with a woman, Heather Sellers, who is affected by "face blindness" - basically she has no memory of what people's faces look like, even people she knows well like her husband and colleagues at work. You can listen to the interview, and read an excerpt from her book "You Don't Look Like Anyone I Know". This is one more reminder to me of how fragile our brains really are...and I can't help but wonder if this disorder is somehow related to the misfirings of autism that lead to similar difficulties with reading social cues like facial expressions.

5) Tammy and Parker are hosting a Boardmaker Studio giveaway over at 5 Minutes for Special Needs.com. I've not used Boardmaker personally, but I know it is widely used for PECS (picture exchange communication systems), visual schedules, social stories, and other visual aids. My kid seems to need pictures of her real life situation most of the time, so we're wearing out our digital camera, but Boardmaker can be a really useful tool. And they're GIVING it away...the giveaway is open until November 15, so you have ONE DAY LEFT to head over there and sign up...

So I am Thankful for fidgets, faith, children, faces, and giving. I am thankful for you, my faithful readers, and I wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving season!

In Awe of Jochebed

You remember Jochebed, right? Her name is listed in Exodus 6:20 as the wife of Amram (who?) and the mother of Aaron and Moses (oh, him!..you know, the Ten Commandments.) I am preparing a Sunday School lesson about the story of Moses as a 3-month old baby, and while the lesson focuses on how God protected Moses and will take care of us, too, as a Mom I started thinking about what Jochebed must have been thinking and feeling.

The events take place toward the end of the 400 years of slavery for the Hebrew people in Egypt (ca. year 320.) The Hebrew people have been thriving, at least reproductively, in spite of all their hard labor. The Egyptian rulers fear that they will become too numerous and rebel, perhaps joining forces with one of their enemies, and so they enforce a strict population control method. First they order the midwives to kill all the male children, but the midwives do not comply, and God blesses them by providing them with more work, more Hebrew children are born. Then a strict edict comes down, "Every boy that is born [to the Hebrews] you must throw into the Nile, but let every girl live." (Exodus 1:22, NIV)

Back to Jochebed: She already has an older daughter (Miriam) and son (Aaron, approximately 3 years old at this time). She gives birth to another son and chooses first to hide her newborn. After a few months it becomes clear that she can't safely hide him (colic, perhaps?). She decides to follow the letter of the law if not the spirit. She gets a basket, covers it with tar and tree sap to waterproof it, and puts her son in the reeds of the Nile. She leaves Miriam to watch over him. I wonder if she placed him strategically. The Bible doesn't say how much time goes by before the Egyptian Princess comes to the Nile to bathe, hears the baby crying and rescues him from the reeds. Miriam steps up and asks if the Princess would like a Hebrew wet-nurse. With the Princess agreeing to this idea Miriam runs home to get her mother. So Jochebed's intelligence and faith are rewarded by being able to raise her son until he is weaned and adopted into the royal Egyptian family.

I find myself wanting to emulate Jochebed. In particular, she must have fully entrusted her son's life to God. There were any number of dangers that could have brought death to her tiny baby as she placed that basket in the Nile. I suppose crocodiles, drowning, dehydration, and starvation are among likely hazards to a baby floating solo on the Nile. Putting Miriam there to watch over him is almost another evidence of Jochebed's faith. Surely she didn't expect Miriam to watch her little brother's demise. She must have been expecting something good. She came up with a creative solution to extend her boy's chances at life as long as possible.

No one's asking me to throw my children into the Nile, but they do have to go out into a culture and a society that runs counter to our values, beliefs, and practices. Even those who home school, control their childrens' media and Internet exposure, and eat only home-raised organic food cannot completely remove their offspring from this World, nor should we, I think. Jesus said that His followers are "in the World," but "not of the World," (John 17:11 and 16, respectively.)  I am stretching my faith, shaping spiritual "baskets" around my children, choosing a good spot to launch them, and watching to see what God will do. For me, this is a process that will take years, while Jochebed had just a few days, hours even, to literally send a newborn into the unknown. Next time I start to worry about my childrens' future I will remember Jochebed and her faith.

This post is participating in the Moms' 30-Minute Blog Challenge at Steady Mom.