Vacation without the kids? What? I could never do that...

Sorry, skipped a post there, Friday. Busy and also fighting off some fatigue that is really cutting into my productivity. I'll try to stick to the schedule, but sometimes the rest of life will get in the way...

Never vacation without the kids? Never say never. About nine months ago a dear friend of ours presented us with a once in a lifetime opportunity to visit Bali. At first I couldn't see how we could do it. Bali is a day's plane ride away for us, which makes any trip shorter than a week kind of silly, and then it takes a day to get back. That's a nine day trip minimum. We would be traveling with a group of adults and older teens, and financially bringing the kids was not really an option. Who would stay with the kids? How would the kids react to such a long absence? So soon after our big school transition? There were plenty of reasons to hesitate, but in the end we decided it was an opportunity that we couldn't pass up. Some big pieces of the puzzle fell into place, so we checked our passports and made our reservations.

One of the biggest pieces was my wonderful parents agreeing to take on the childcare. This was no small favor to ask. An almost seven-year-old on the spectrum and twin almost three-year-olds are not a neat and tidy package to hand off to anyone; and our household really runs best when it runs on routines. Mom and Dad leaving doesn't exactly make for routine, but my parents worked hard to learn the rest of our system so they could maintain as much of the groove as possible. We will never forget their generosity.

Of all of the things we did to prepare my parents and the children for our trip, I decided to focus on three things that seemed the most important and might be helpful to others...

Caregiver manual - My mom said she referred to this frequently, so I was glad I took the time to put it together. I filled a three ring binder with useful information like:
1) How to run our audio/visual system, which is a bit tricky. I included a list of shows the kids watch that are recorded on our DVR so that it would be easier for Grandma and Grandpa to find them. Since we returned I've been referring to it myself...
2) Morning and Bedtime routines for the kids. These seem to be the most important pieces of the day, which I guess makes sense.
3) A medical release letter and a copy of our insurance card. Just in case. It was going to be very hard to get in touch with us and we didn't want to risk denial of medical care because we couldn't be reached to give our consent. I included the kids' dates of birth, id numbers, and known medical conditions in the letter.
4) Doctors, dentists, and nearby ERs were listed with phone numbers and addresses, too. Grandma actually needed this since our son developed a mild fever and she wanted to check in with the pediatrician. Happily that went away in just a day.
5) Maps of our local area, and key destinations. Since my parents do not live nearby and don't drive much when they visit us I knew they would appreciate some directions.
6) Contact info for some of our local friends who had agreed to be "on call" should something urgent come up.
7) A schedule and menu plan for each day. Grandma said she liked having menus all planned out, and sometimes I have trouble remembering what is supposed to happen each day, so having it all written out in one place was useful.
     Other miscellaneous items: business cards, coupons, directions for checking voicemail, etc. all got tucked into one place so they knew if they had a question they should check there first. One thing I should have put in there and didn't is the baby book our pediatrician gives to each child. He has compiled a lot of information there and referred my mom to one thing in there that she couldn't find, since she couldn't find the book. She figured it out, but it would have been better if she'd known where it was. We also have used this for babysitters, once, since returning from our trip. Not everything in there is pertinent, so I'll have to revise it somewhat for that purpose, but it was certainly handy to have it all put together.

Social Story - I think I've made it pretty clear how valuable I think social stories are. I have started using them with our younger children, too. They are great for children of all abilities! This story was pretty specific to our family and how this vacation away was going to work. We explained that Grandma and Grandpa were coming to visit and that Mommy and Daddy would be gone for nine days. We explained that Grandma and Grandpa would know the best ways to take care of everyone and everything. We talked about what the children could do while we were gone. We assured them that we would think of them often even if we couldn't call (which we didn't!) and we assured them that we would come back home. We read this several times before we left and left it as a resource for Grandma and Grandpa to help the children understand what was happening.

Journals and Calendars - I made some simple books - blank paper stapled between two pieces of construction paper - for each child. They decorated the covers the day before we left and there was one sheet of paper for each day that we were gone. Each evening Grandma would pass out the markers and crayons and the children would make a picture for that day in their journal. Our oldest also had some lines on her pages so she could write a sentence or two about her day. This one is especially precious to me because besides just marking the time from our departure to our arrival it also is a simple record of what was most important to her each day that we were gone. Grandma also made each child a calendar and they marked the days that we were gone with stickers.

I'm not sure who was happier upon our return, the grandparents or the children, but the really gratifying thing was that they were all happy, and we were refreshed, if jet-lagged, from our time away.

Changing Schools - Part Two

This post is the second in a series on transitioning to a new school. My Monday posts will focus on this topic for several weeks because it is a large and complex topic. Also, this post is participating in the Moms' 30-Minute Blog Challenge at Steady Mom. You can catch up with the series by reading Part One here.

So far I've told you about our school district changing our daughter's placement to our home school, my intial emotional responses and the choice we eventually made to accept her transition to a new school. That choice was made primarily because we wanted to give her the best chance for a well-supported change to a new environment and a new social circle. I wanted to share the details of our transition plan in hopes that it will help others in a similar situation to establish their own good plans. Please note that this was separate from considering the level of support, services, and IEP goals for the next year...this was just to focus on helping her understand and be comfortable with starting out at a new school.

1) We gathered information. Prior to telling our daughter anything about what was going on, I met with some trusted private resources, the principal at the new school, and the IEP team at her "old" school to ask questions, get advice, request some accommodations or support, and establish lines of communication. All of this helped the next steps fall into place...

2) We broke the news. We used a social story to tell our daughter that she'd be going to a different school next Fall. I'll share more details on this next post. The timing was not ideal, but the story was very effective in helping her understand what was happening, helping her share the news with her peers, and giving us an idea of what was most troubling to her about the change.

3) We took some field trips. My daughter and I attended open house night in the first grade classrooms at the new school. We met the teachers (although some of them will not be teaching first grade next Fall), and we took pictures of things that were interesting to her. Later we took a special guided tour with an instructional support teacher (IST) and met the Occupational Therapist and Speech Pathologist who will work with her at the new school. [In our case she already knows these ladies, but it was good for her to see them ahead of time at her new school - she has pretty strict ideas about who belongs where, so seeing them there before she has to start working with them there was excellent.] She also met the school psychologist, the receptionist, the principal, and a few other staff who were around. We took lots of pictures on this trip, too. Nearly every week we walk over to the new school to play on the playground and try to connect with other children there

4) We wrote another social story. The IST used some of our photos and some of hers to make another story specifically about the new school. It has pictures of all of the people we've met, and some key places like the playground, the lunch room, the computer lab, and the library.

5) We called some friends. We already know a few families with children entering first grade at the new school. We've had a couple of playdates with a couple of them at the school. We're hoping to do a few more of these in the next several weeks so that our daughter will have some more familiar peer relationships established.

6) The adults met again. We had a transition IEP meeting (I believe these are required any time a student transfers between schools) where the "old" IEP team met with the "new" IEP team (there is some overlap in these in our case) to discuss our daughter's program, and the specific supports that she will need this coming year. At this meeting I also presented an updated parent report and walked through the remaining steps of the transition plan.

7) We will prime the pump. What remains is to continue to prepare our daughter for each new step of entering first grade. She will meet her teacher before school starts, and hopefully visit "her" room again, this time knowing it is "hers". We will either add these pieces to her second social story or write a new one. As each activity is added to her schedule we will make a visual schedule to help her know what is coming next. Hopefully we can continue to support making new friends, too.

There are probably other steps that could be taken to help a child be more comfortable going to a new school. I'd love to hear your ideas since we're still in the middle of this...do share!

Book Review - Hands Are Not for Hitting

In a perfect world, reading "Hands Are Not for Hitting" several times with my daughter would have resulted in her learning to only use her hands to be kind and take care of herself and others. Alas, it is not a perfect world. I do think reading this book with her was a step in the right direction in helping her understand that hitting is hurtful, that other people don't like it, and that there are other things she can do when she is angry or scared. I also think it accomplished a somewhat different goal in teaching her some things she can and should do with her hands, like give or receive a high five, blow a kiss, shake hands, and help with chores around the house. We always have to stop and practice these while we are reading, especially the high fives. I think it also is useful for those really hard days when she has been overwhelmed socially and is unable to restrain her aggressive behaviors. We often pull it out on those days to help her talk about the incident in a way that helps us understand what triggered her behavior. Then we can better support good behavior when a similar situation arises. The pictures are all beautiful and illustrate the situations, actions, and solutions in positive ways with a diverse set of children and adults depicted. Just about the only thing I might change is the phrasing of the title. In keeping with our attempts to use positive phrases to address behavior we try now to say, "We always use gentle hands." There is also a board book version for younger children, and this title is part of a series of books that cover similar social/behavioral topics. We've been happy with all of the books we've used, though we do not have all of them. The cover I've photographed from our home library is different than what is now on Amazon, so I guess there is a new edition out, I hope that is not confusing to anyone. Enjoy!