Ugh! and Understanding...

I don't Usually vent here, but Jenny Matlock's Aplabe-Thursday meme is Up to the letter U, and frankly "Ugh!" is the only thing that comes to mind. I am in the last gasps of preschool Summer break. Just. a. few.days. left. Sadly I needed a long break from my twins about three weeks ago. They are at a very trying stage. They just want to be silly all the time. They don't want to listen, even when good things might be coming their way if they can listen. My patience has long since run out...and I really thought I had built Up a good reserve, too. That would be enough, but...

• The child has resisted homework two out of three nights this week. Given that it's the first week of homework that doesn't bode well for the weeks ahead. I'll need to get a handle on this soon.
• Little boy has been learning toilet skills, but isn't 100% yet, which is expected, but still no fun.
• My dear mother-in-law tried to cook something in her microwave and smoked Up her house, bringing the fire department, again.
• My foot started hurting quite suddenly and Unexpectedly this morning...of course it is one of the days when my husband is gone all day and I had lots of walking to do. I am on my feet a good bit of the day, so it's hard to rest it.
• There are several issues at school district and city level that I need to voice my concerns on soon. Pretty big issues that I've been following and involved in for several months now.

...And that's just today's load of Ugh!

Still even as I type this I'm hearing on the radio of entire communities without power. Large land masses that are on fire. There are children going to bed hungry somewhere, and a mother trying to figure out how to meet their needs better tomorrow. So for all of my Ugh at the moment, there is also a good dose of Um...gratitude that my little challenges are just that - little. All this stuff I'm venting about will be forgotten (mostly) a year from now. What will not be forgotten is the attitude that I face it all with. I must remember that my children, most of all, want a mom who is calm, loving, and firm, but Understanding.

The well known serenity prayer comes to mind...do you know the whole thing? I'm thinkin' I need to memorize it!

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

The Learning Curves

I am increasingly amazed by the good zone we seem to be in with our daughter. A few small, now easily handled tantrums at home, but great behavior at school, at church, and at various activities. Until you enter extended conversation with her, it is hard to tell there's much there beyond general quirkiness. I'm inhaling deep breaths of these good times. It has been a long time coming, and I have no doubt that there will be new challenges to face ahead, so every minute is a blessing. I think I am learning from her how to flow with my days, to accept each one as a gift and keep putting one foot in front of the other when things are challenging, trusting that eventually we'll find level ground again.

I'm navigating the world of raising younger typical siblings. With no benchmark from our oldest child it almost feels like we're parenting for the first time all over again, if that makes sense. We've entered new territory with the twins as they have entered preschool. So far they have made that adjustment well. Their big "phase" at the moment is insisting on wearing only certain clothes. We have about three outfits each that are acceptable without putting up a fuss. This keeps the washing machine busy, and meanwhile I'm encouraging some flexibility on days when I don't get the laundry quite done on time...Interestingly it seems that this stage is useful for encouraging them to pick out and put on their own clothes, because if I refuse to change them they will take off the set they don't want, go pick out new things, and put a good faith effort into putting them on by themselves. It is amazing to watch these skills develop...so different from our first time around. Would I be so philosophical about it if I hadn't survived pitched battles over much smaller issues with our eldest? Would I watch with such awe as they learn new skills with such ease? Would I even realize the importance of this phase or understand the roots of it?

Meanwhile there are other needs in the extended family that are taking precedence, and it is good to feel like our own little clan is in a good spot and has some energy to devote to others. Sandwiched, yes, crushed, no.

In all of these things there is a steep learning curve. Learning to breathe in and hold onto all that is glorious and good. Learning to let go and let others do for themselves. Learning to step in and lend a caring hand. I don't think I would be learning it with such clarity without the experiences I've gained by raising a child on the spectrum. It is a strange blessing to be taking from the Hand of Providence.

Sunday Digest 4

1. Experience the story of a family forever affected in part by a nurse's negligence. For the full context read the associated article. It is rather lengthy, but certainly eye-opening. I have met this family and their resilient spirit is amazing.

2. Watch this advertisement sponsored by Autism Votes/Autism Speaks, and send a message to Speaker Nancy Pelosi to get autism insurance reform as part of the National Health Reform package. If you agree with the message of the ad you can send an e-mail to AmericanVoices@mail.house.gov with the following suggested text:

Dear Speaker Pelosi/Leader Reid,

Our family believes that health care reform that does not end autism insurance discrimination is unacceptable. Please go to http://www.autismvotes.org/ to view an important TV ad, which is currently running on CNN, CNBC and MSNBC. We hope that moving forward, you will be sure to stop the discrimination that our child, and millions like him/her around the country, faces on a daily basis. Our children deserve appropriate access to the medical treatments and therapies they need for their medical conditions.

With kindest regards,

Your name
Your City and State

update 7/18 - when I tried the AmericanVoices e-mail, my message bounced back to me. The mailer-daemon did not tell me why it failed - perhaps the mailbox was full when I sent my message. Try a Google search on "Pelosi contact" and you'll see a link for the Speaker's website where you can send an e-mail directly. This will work if AmericanVoices does not.

3. Some good advice on what to do with the inevitable looky-loos.
Smile and say hello. This may give them an awareness that they are staring and
that you've noticed. I love it.

4. For friends who are caring for both aging parents and special needs children. You are not alone. This, in general, looks like an encouraging blog. I know I'll be checking it out...

5. Please join me in praying for these special needs children in Florida who have lost their parents (again) this time in a brutal murder.


You can see a list of Sunday Digests (and other posts) here.