Dealing with Anxiety (Yours)

I have struggled off and on with anxiety for most of my adult life. I worried a lot as a kid, too, but my supportive and loving Christian parents helped keep it in check. When I left home to attend college the things and people I had relied on to stay strong were removed and I felt quite alone in facing my fears. There were days that I would come home from class and lay on my bed completely paralyzed by fear. I couldn't even put my finger on what exactly I was afraid of most of the time. It was hard, but I learned a lot about myself and my faith in the process. I still probably worry more than I should. When my kids get sick I tend to think it might be the worst scenario (like vicarious hypochondria?) but over the years I've learned a lot of tools that help me keep an even keel.

Keep good company - When my anxiety first flared it was so overwhelming that I didn't want to be around people, but I soon learned that being around good friends helped me feel stronger. It was really important to be around the right people, though. Some people caused more anxiety than they cured. Others meant well, but their words sometimes left me feeling guilty for feeling the way I did, or even that things might get worse rather than better. There were a few good souls who might say very little, but just by being with me would help me calm down.

Fill your mind with scripture - There are a lot of great verses that help us turn our worries over to the Lord. Meditate on these. Memorize them. When your chest gets tight repeat them until you feel God's peace wash over you. I've listed a few verses below, but a good Study Bible (or a judicious Google search) will turn up many more that you may find helpful.

• Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV) Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
• Matthew 6:25-34 (NIV)
• Psalm 37:3-6 (NIV) Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
• Proverbs 18:10 (NIV) The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.

Pour out your heart in prayer - I always found journaling and writing out my prayers to be the most useful way to get my thoughts, fears, and worries in order. Simply naming the monster was really helpful. My kids reminded me of this the other day when they asked me before bedtime what color monsters are. I asked them what color they thought they were, and they said brown, and were promptly ready for bed. There's no way to be sure, but I think if I had not answered their question, or if I had dismissed their worry, or even planted my own monster's color in their head the conversation could have led to a protracted discussion, and maybe even nightmares. By letting them name the color I gave them control over the monster. When you can name your monsters at the throne of God, He will give you the strength you need to face them head on.

Find a healthy outlet - In college I started making digital art on one of my friend's computers. Pre-twins I was exercising three times a week. Now, I write. Find something that helps you feel productive, energized, and hopeful. It is hard for worry and hope to exist in the same mind. Do some art, take a walk, bake, find a service project, knit. Whatever you do, make sure it helps you feel better.

Get help - There are times when anxiety goes from being an emotional problem to being a medical problem. Right after my husband and I were married my anxiety was so deep that I couldn't function well. Doing the laundry was overwhelming, and I felt like I was coming apart at the seams. I knew I couldn't go on like this, so first I made an appointment with my doctor. He ordered a bunch of tests to rule out physical causes, and eventually prescribed anti-anxiety medication. I took them to give myself the mental space I needed to figure out what was triggering the anxiety so that I could overcome it. My next step was to find a Biblical counselor - she helped me get to the spiritual roots of what was causing my anxiety (in my case there were lots of people that I was harboring resentment toward, 20 years worth of bitterness, ouch). The habits I learned in my counseling helped me improve my thought life and gradually I was able to wean myself off of the medication. I know for other people anxiety is an on-going medical challenge and medication is necessary for them to function every day. I believe God gave us medicine, and that we should use it wisely to help us do what we need to do. Don't put off getting professional help if you're in over your head. The sooner you start the sooner you can begin to truly enjoy life again.

Adding Some Fun to the Mundane

 It used to be my kids would be excited if I just made pancakes for breakfast. We have a tradition (started when my husband and I were just newlyweds) of having a "nicer" breakfast, usually on Saturdays. I guess I've made pancakes a little too often lately because the kids were getting a bit bored with them. "Pancakes, again?!?" I'm sure you've heard the refrain... Then I remembered these goodies taking up space in one of my kitchen drawers. I decided to see if adding some fun shapes into the mix would keep everyone a little happier. It worked...

 I have several different shapes. The farm animals (cow, pig, and sheep) were gifts from my dear sister-in-law. I don't recall where I got the heart and circle from. I may have purchased them back when we had more disposable income. Someday I think I'll get a few more shapes. (Maybe from a thrift shop or something...) but for now this selection was enough to keep the kids happy and excited. "I want a heart, I want a piggy." The only trick was keeping them from fighting over who was going to get what. Hearts seemed to be the most popular, so I made sure to make plenty of those.

 There are two tricks to using pancake forms. First, use cooking spray ON the form as well as on your skillet or griddle to keep the batter from sticking to the form as it cooks. Second, after the first side is cooked you use a hot pad to grab the handle of the form and gently pull it off (tapping on the griddle helps a bit) then use your spatula to flip the pancake. The flipping gets a little...exciting. Having a big spatula is essential to maintain the shape of the form on both sides. Usually at least one side looks good, so just present that one on top.

 This is one of those times that I almost regret my policy of not showing images of my kids on this site. How I wish I could show you their smiling faces as they devoured these fun pancake shapes. I'll have to settle for showing you their rapidly emptying plates. That empty spot at the table is mine. They were so eager to get started that they were eating before the last set of pancakes was done. They were, in fact, so voracious that I wasn't sure I had made enough batter. I waited until they were all sated before I finally sat down to eat myself, but...never fear...

There was plenty left for mama. Enough to try one of each of the topping options: "maple" syrup, apricot preserves, and strawberries with bananas. Somehow the circles were all left over...hmmm.


The idea of this post is to ask you to consider what has become humdrum in your home. What can you do to add some fun back in? I'd love to hear your ideas. Just click on comments below to add your ideas to the conversation...

Hosting a Sleepover...

The child informed me some time ago that she wanted to have a sleepover party for her eighth birthday. She starts planning her next birthday approximately 24 hours after the previous party, so I've been hearing about this for a while. When I realized this would be my first sleepover as "The Mom" I got nervous. It was also a bit challenging as our budget is still...well...not feeling the economic recovery we've been hearing so much about, if you get my drift. In the end my newly minted eight year old declared this, "The Best Birthday Ever" so I figure we did a thing or two right. I thought I'd share my strategy with you and would love to hear your ideas, too. Feel free to leave a comment below.

• Set the boundaries and expectations - I agreed to a sleepover party with a couple of conditions. First, only two friends could come. We usually have a one kid per year rule, but to save my sanity we cut that way back. The child selected two friends that we know from her Kindergarten days. I also made it clear that this really would be a SLEEPover, or it would be the last of its kind. My sleep pattern is messed up enough without the shenanigans of three giggly girls thrown in there.
• Keep it Simple (what else) - We did a craft project, ate dinner together, watched a movie, ate cake, opened presents, and tucked everyone into sleeping bags. The craft project became part of their goody bag. The dinner and cake were all homemade. The movie was very rated G and straight out of our video collection.All of this simplicity helped save mommy's mind and money. We had just enough structure to keep everyone regulated, with enough freedom to keep it fun.
•  Check in with the guest's parents - I was glad that the parents of one of the girls warned me ahead of time that sleepovers had been challenging for her. I didn't make a big deal out of it with her, but I knew that I might need to make a phone call if she got too worried. We were all thrilled when she made it through the night with us. It really made the event extra special.
• Bribery - yes, really - At bedtime I told the girls they could talk and laugh for 15 minutes, and then it would be time for lights out and quiet. That worked great. I don't know when they went to sleep, but they were quiet. What didn't work great was waking up at 6:30 the next morning to shrieks of laughter. In my half awake predawn state at first I thought our nervous guest was freaking out. I hurried to the child's room to find them all giggling and bouncing around on her bed. Um...no, not what I had in mind. "Do you girls like pancakes?" I asked. "YES!" they clamored. "Great! If you want some for breakfast it better be quiet in this room for another...hour (I said while looking at the clock.)" They did get quieter, though they did not actually go back to sleep. It gave my nerves time to settle, though.
• Look around for FREE family friendly events - My  husband gets to take credit for this one. He noticed a free event happening at a state park near us on the day after the sleepover. We invited both guests to go with us to this event, too. Only one was able to come, but it made the celebration last a little longer without more cost. If time is an issue find something on the evening of the sleepover instead.

Including food and favors we spent about $35 total on this party...that's food and entertainment for seven people  for close to 24 hours. That might sound like a lot to some people, but around here people spend hundreds on their kids' parties, and I bet they don't have more fun that we had. To hear the child tell it, it was the coolest thing ever, and awesome on top of that.

What's your favorite birthday bash secret?