Wrapping up Proverbs 31

After over a year of slowly delving into the character of the Proverbs 31 woman, I am almost sad to bid farewell to this daunting friend. I pray the lessons I have learned from her will truly become a part of my character, and that God will bring her to mind whenever I need it...One last time read with me about who this woman is [linked to and yet separable from all that she does...]

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet...She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." (Proverbs 31:10-21; 25-29 NIV)

First I think it is important to recall, briefly, all that this woman is. She is...

• Noble - She has an internal force of strength and virtue, from an external source.
• Precious - She is deemed more valuable than rubies (the rarest of gems) by her husband.
• Eager - She sets about her work with a feeling of great desire, pleasure, or expectancy.
• Vigorous - She takes care of her own physical needs so she can be strong for her tasks.
• Profitable - She earns income, but also has a spiritual profit of wisdom.
• Prepared  - Her lamp doesn't go out, so she is ready for anything.
• Giving - She takes care of the needy in some way.
• Confident - Because she is prepared, she does not fear for her family.
• Dignified - Her character is always evident.
• Laughing -  She faces the future without worry and with humor.
• Wise - She chooses her words and her actions carefully.
• Kind - Her words follow the law of kindness.

Second I wanted to highlight the source and the results of her character.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate." {Proverbs 31:30-31, NIV)

The source of all of these qualities is her accurate view of God. In verse 30 this is referred to as 'fearing the LORD.' This fear is not the stark terror kind of fear we usually think of, but an overwhelming awe and worship of God. It is recognizing who He is (perfect, holy, loving, powerful, personal) and that I have no right to be in His presence, yet here I am, and so I must worship. With this attitude toward God, and a desire to please Him, the character traits listed above will be a natural outcome.

The result of her character is "praise at the city gate." That doesn't mean much to us these days, but the city gate is where all the men of a city would go to conduct business, hold court, make deals, and brag. So her husband is going to go to the city gate and tell everyone what a wonderful woman she is. It's the equivalent of a modern day husband going on Facebook (or twitter or...) and telling everyone what a great wife he has. It's the warm feeling of a mate giving public acknowledgement that their partner is a true blessing to them. What a gift.


I hope this study has been encouraging to you, too. You can review earlier passages by clicking on the links in the first quote above. Leave me a comment below about which character trait you're working on at the moment. I think I'm working on eager and vigorous...

Learning About the Pilgrims

Part of the first grade curriculum in public schools where we live is learning about the history of the pilgrims at Plymouth Plantation (or Plimouth - I'm not sure if this is the original spelling, or if it is the creative spelling employed by first graders). In any case my daughter wished to tell us all about the things she has learned about the pilgrims and the Native Americans who helped them during their first year in the New World. According to my daughter's new-found knowledge:

• There were 102 pilgrims who embarked on the Mayflower along with the few belongings they were able to bring with them.
• They lived on-board the Mayflower for sixty days and sixty nights before reaching Plymouth.
• More than half died from illness, and only 50 remained to settle the new land. My daughter says they died of sea-sickness, but I imagine there were many ailments that affected them.
• Their first village burned down.
• They lived in one room homes and nearly starved their first winter.
• The Native Americans (Wapanogs, I think that is the correct spelling...) taught the pilgrims how to plant food, corn in particular, and how to hunt and fish.
• To express their thanks to God for bringing them through one hard winter and for providing adequate food for their second winter they prepared a great feast with the Wapanogs, which we commemorate with our own feasts to this day, though I'm sure the foods are quite different.

There was one final point which we wanted to be sure our daughter understood. We asked her why the pilgrims had to get on the Mayflower in the first place. She told us that "The queen would not let them worship God the way they wanted to, so they got on the Mayflower to find a new land where they could worship God the way they wanted to." We are still thankful today for this wonderful freedom to worship God as we choose. Imagine the hardships that our forefathers endured to secure this freedom for us. The short list above is just what a child has been able to learn and keep in mind for the last few weeks. I'm sure there are innumerable other burdens they bore - difficulties in child birth, in leaving behind family and friends, in nursing their sick little ones in vain, and burying them on a distant cruel shore. They bore all of these costs for the freedom to worship. May we remember this high price and worship God today and every day, not just for what He  has given us, but for Himself and all that He is.

Sunday Digest 24

Two trips in one month, and I'm just throwing this together from my readings in between. No theme, no particular rhyme or reason, but all good stuff. Check it out.
1) I liked this post over on Hopeful Parents from Dr. Linda Edelstein. It's about how we handle and sometimes try to avoid "information." We all know the person who doesn't want to go to the doctor because they would rather not know...perhaps that person is you. I have been that person before a few times and I must say in the end it has always been better to know. When someone first hinted to us that our daughter might have autism I fought that diagnosis in my head every day for about four months, but really once we knew we were able to start learning how to work with her more effectively. Two and a half years later I can say that I'm now glad I know.

2) This sort of relates to appropriate terminology when talking about or writing about individuals with special needs. I've had several discussions lately with people about why children with autism should not be compared with "normal" peers. One of my favorite blogs to read of late is Reports from a Resident Alien, written by a young woman with high functioning autism. Here is her take on "normalcy" as it relates to the spectrum. Bottom line we all like to categorize individuals into neat little boxes, but honestly we're all valuable regardless of which handy labels you want to put around our necks. Let's focus on that.

3) And more about the intrinsic value of life from In(courage).

4) I found this article on bullying from the IAN project via Our Journey Thru Autism. As my daughter gets older I worry more about bullying form both sides of the problem. My daughter's lack of self-regulation and her history of aggressive behaviors is a perfect set-up for being classified as a bully if people don't understand what's driving her. Her lack of social skills and odd behaviors may set her up as the target of a bully, too. I'm "reading ahead" to try to understand this large topic and will probably post some things on this soon.

5) I've heard this song by Amy Grant several times recently. It is always a good reminder to me that every moment can be worship if my heart is in tune with His Spirit as I move through my day. Even if I am a mess...He loves it when I come into His presence. Will you join me there?

Sunday Digest 18

Today I wanted to do something a little different for my Sunday Digest. It's an audio-visual theme...videos and/or songs that have been reaching me in the last few weeks...

1. I first saw this on Facebook where I am "friends" with Randy Alcorn...actually I guess I'm his fan on Facebook. Either way, pretty cool that I get a daily dose of wisdom from him. He posted a link to his blog for this video, which basically shares my heart on choosing life even for children expected to have special needs. We would have missed out on a lot if this mom had chosen otherwise.

2. I saw a link for this video on Twitter. I had to watch it twice it is so amazing. No audio, but wow, the visual...I'm not sure I could do this even with a good camera. Phenomenal. The accompanying blog post on humility explains the heart of an artist and a special needs parent.

3. The song that inspired this digest...We Fall Down...one of my favorite worship songs. I suppose by today's standards it is an old song. I remember learning it in my pre-marriage days...a decade ago! At the retreat I attended a few weeks ago the speaker encouraged us to spend more time worshipping aloud. This song came to mind the other day and I sang it out loud while my kids were playing nearby and I was working on the perpetual pile of dishes. Funny...often when I sing my oldest daughter asks me to stop (I'm not that bad, even) but when I sang this one she did not complain. Must remember to do this more often!

4. In honor of our veterans (Memorial Day just passed, and the anniversary of D-Day today) one of my daughter's favorite patriotic songs...Three Cheers for the Red, White, and Blue! We just attended our end of the year Kindergarten program, so this brings a chuckle for sure.

5. My theme song? As sung by a true lady and musical legend. Enjoy!

Book Review - Little House on the Freeway

Little House on the Freeway - Help for the Hurried Home by Dr. Tim Kimmel. I finished reading this book on Saturday night while the kids enjoyed playing in the bathtub. It's a good thing I did because Sunday, Monday and Tuesday were so busy and scheduled that I would not have had time to finish reading it before I was supposed to post this review. Did I need to read this book? Yes! Actually the copy I have is about four years old and has different cover art. I picked it up at a marriage retreat that my husband and I went to when our oldest was just over two. Pretty funny that we both felt so busy and over-scheduled then. Two kids and many new commitments later sometimes I wonder how long we're going to be able to keep this house and its occupants rolling down the freeway. I think this is a fairly common feeling for parents of special needs children. We have all the normal pressures of life: housework, child care, shopping, working, and trying to stay healthy. Add in researching/applying for/driving to therapy sessions, extra meetings at school, extra attention needed for behavioral supports, always one more technique to try, and paperwork, and that's assuming the special needs child doesn't have medical issues. For those of us who pursue a life of faith you can add personal devotions, and church commitments. No wonder I often feel like I'm running the wrong way up an endless escalator.

Interestingly Dr. Kimmel's answer isn't just: "Slow down, silly!" He breaks down inner attitudes that are needed to find true rest, things like forgiveness, a sense of eternity, service, and knowing your gifts. Dr. Kimmel also includes some practical applications for how to bring an attitude of rest to your marriage, your kids, your work, and your other relationships. At the end of the book there is a list of 101 ways to give rest to your family. Some are big (pay off your credit cards - yikes!), some are small (take a walk as a family.) Some are long term (religiously wear your seat belts) some are short term (replace the batteries in your smoke alarm). I really like all of the things that are balanced in this book. There are times when Dr. Kimmel uses a soft touch to make his point and other times where he says, "I know this isn't easy to read, but this is what you need to do..." There are some truly poignant stories used to illustrate his point and others that will make you laugh out loud. Do you like practical tips? There in there. Do you want a more philosophical approach to the idea of rest? Got it. I was particularly blessed by the chapter where Dr. Kimmel describes holding his daughter in the NICU all night as she struggled with apnea. I have a feeling he can relate to special needs parents.

End result: obviously my daily schedule hasn't slowed down a bit. (Is someone fiddling with the speed on that escalator again??) But this book, combined with a renewed commitment to address my own physical health needs, seems to have provided a new sense of focus and calm. When the to do list is too long the most important things are still getting done, and I find it easier to let the other items go.

Rest up, friends, it is a long road!

Angels Part 3 Jesus is no Angel

This is the third of eight posts based on the Bible Study Guide "Angels" by Douglas Connelly, A LifeGuide Bible Study. Today's passage is Hebrews 1, which quotes several passages from the Old Testament (Psalm 2:7, II Samuel 7:13-14, Psalm 104:4, Psalm 45:6-7, Psalm 102:25-27, and Psalm 110:1). It's interesting to me that with little salutation or introduction the writer of Hebrews jumps into a heated theological argument of the day. There were some believers at the time this letter was written who were contemplating reverting to Judaism or merging Christian beliefs with a Jewish sect. In doing so these believers would be downgrading Jesus from the long awaited Messiah to the equivalent of an angel, a rabbi, a prophet, or a priest. The author of Hebrews (whose identity is still the subject of scholarly debate) draws on Jewish scriptures, a source his audience would accept as an authority, to prove Jesus' supremacy to all of these categories. Many of the passages he quotes are foreshadowing promises made to King David, the central figure of Old Testament history, where God promises to establish David's line as King over Israel for all time. This is commonly seen as a promise that the Messiah would be of Davidic descent because in truth David's human Kingly line dwindles circa 586 B.C. Jesus fulfills this and many other prophecies as both of his human parents are descended from David (Mary from David's son Solomon, Joseph from David's son Nathan, see Matthew 1:1-16, and Luke 3:23-31ff).

It is interesting to note that similar debates, fueled in part by historical fictional novels of all things, rage on today. Just who is this Jesus, anyway? Many would like to skate by on the answer that he is a good man, a good teacher even, but good teachers do not lie about their credentials. Jesus, on several occasions recorded in the New Testament, claims to be the Son of God. On at least one occasion (Luke 4:14-30) people were so enraged by his claims that they wanted to throw him down a cliff. C.S. Lewis has a rather famous argument that one must choose whether they will call Jesus a liar, a crazy man, or the Son of God as he claimed to be.

The author of Hebrews begins by assuring us that Jesus is no angel. One particular contrast is the angel imagery of Psalm 104:4:

"He makes his angels winds,
his servants flames of fire." (NIV as quoted in Hebrews 1:7)

with the Messianic imagery of Psalm 45:6-7:

"Your throne, O God, will last for ever and ever,
and righteousness will be the scepter of your kingdom.
You have loved righteousness and hated wickedness;
therefore God, your God, has set you above your companions
by anointing you with the oil of joy." (NIV as quoted in Hebrews 1:8-9)

Angels are here depicted as powerful, but rather "temporary" messengers under God's command. Meanwhile, the Messiah (Jesus) is equivalent to God, eternal, and reigning with righteousness and joy. We must be careful to remember that as amazing and wonderful as angels are, they are not God, nor are they God's Son. Our heart's desire should be to serve and worship Him alongside His messengers of wind and fire.

Reclaiming the Sparks with your Spouse

Call this one more of a goal than something that I have mastered. Valentine's Day is coming. I just did a quick search for statistics on how well marriages for parents of special needs are faring. Unfortunately I couldn't find any well-documented studies. It seems there is an 80% divorce rate figure that is thrown around a lot without any reference...All I can say from personal experience is that after a long day of supporting our child through getting ready for school to getting ready for bed, perhaps with a meeting at school and some research on a new support tool thrown into the mix, not to mention the rest of my "mommy" duties. There's usually not much left to be "wifely" with. My strategies to date are small steps in the right direction to maintain at least a tenuous grasp on romance in the midst of running the race:

• Do the small stuff: My husband likes muffins for breakfast - I bake them. He also likes home made cookies. I write a note on the napkin in his lunch bag when he is working away from home.
• Occasionally make a larger effort: We are planning to sneak away for a couple of hours this weekend to watch a movie in a real theater.
• Make time to talk: Lately the best time for us to talk is when we're all in our van on a 20 minute or so road trip. We are fortunate to have a DVD player in our van which can usually keep the kids distracted while we chat. Spousal e-mails only go so far.
• Worship together: Nothing brings us closer than sitting in God's presence together.
• Work together: Probably the biggest change for us in the last year was taking a class together and learning new strategies to help our daughter. Prior to this we at times had opposite approaches for addressing our daughter's behavior. While we still have our individual ways of working with her, we are more united in our end goal and have more common vocabulary for discussing issues when they arise.

I have a lot to learn in this area...if you care to educate me, feel free to leave a comment below. (Unless you're a spam-bot which has been happening a lot lately...)

This post is part of the Moms' 30-Minute Blog Challenge.

Angels Part 1 Devoted to Worship

As a result of re-reading two Frank Peretti novels, some interesting discussion at our weekly Bible study group, and my read the Bible in two years commitment, I have been wanting to learn more about angels. Since I just finished the Fruit of the Spirit series here, and since my other studies take up my meager devotional times, I'm exploring the notion of writing about what I learn from my angel study here. I am not sure if there will always be a direct connection to special needs, but it will keep me accountable to actually do the study, and I hope it will be encouraging to you.

I am using a book called "Angels" by Douglas Connelly, A LifeGuide Bible Study. It is divided into eight studies. I don't expect to quote much of the book (it is mostly just suggested scripture passages and questions) but I don't want to pretend that the format is entirely my own idea, either.

First, some background: I believe angels are real, spiritual beings. The Bible speaks about them extensively. What is hanging me up is a mixture of what I will call "folklore" and flashes of Bible stories that I have heard from childhood on. I want to have a clear Biblical understanding of who these creatures are, what they do, and how they are different from people.

Today's passages are Isaiah 6:1-7 and Revelation 5:11-14. The Isaiah passage describes a vision that the prophet Isaiah experienced in the year of the death of King Uzziah (740 B.C, King of Israel). He suddenly finds himself in the presence of God and His angels. Isaiah calls the angels seraphs (which means burning ones) and describes them as creatures with six wings. Two wings cover their faces, two wings cover their feet, and with two they fly. As they fly they call to each other, worshipping God:

Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory.
Isaiah 6:3 (NIV)

Isaiah also describes a close encounter with one seraph. Understandably so, Isaiah becomes acutely aware of his own faults and sins and confesses aloud that he is undone because of his unclean lips. One of the seraphs flies to him with a live coal in his hand, touches Isaiah's lips with the coal and assures him, "See this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for." (Isaiah 6:7, NIV)

In Revelation, the apostle John describes a similar scene around God's throne where millions of angels sing:

Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain,
to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength
and honor and glory and praise!
Revelation 5:12 (NIV)

Their praise inspires every creature in heaven, on earth, and under the earth, and on the sea to respond in kind:

To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb
be praise and honor and glory and power,
forever and ever!
Revelation 5:13 (NIV)

From these passages we can glean several truths about angels, and particularly seraphs:

• They are spiritually pure - they reside in the presence of the Holy God.
• They are actively at work worshipping God and tending the altar.
• They understand that sin requires purification and atonement.

Most importantly, we can enter into worship with them. Though we are not pure as they are, there is a way that we can be cleansed. Our sin is atoned for, and we can worship God as they do. I was particularly drawn to the simplicity of their worship. They focus on God's character - Holy, Almighty, Glorious, Worthy; and what He is due - in short, everything. This simple formula should be accessible to everyone. One of the blogs I frequent, Specialgathering, is focused on creating communities of worship for individuals with special needs. At the foot of God's throne all are equal.

Sunday Digest 5

1. I spent this afternoon making a weighted blanket for my daughter following directions I found here. For those who are not familiar with these, they are used by individuals who have sensory processing disorders to help provide calming input to aid the person in sitting calmly and quietly for a longer period of time. I am not a seamstress by any stretch of the imagination. In fact I had to dig out the book for the sewing machine to remind myself how to wind and load the bobbin, and how to thread the machine. However, using the instructions above I made a decent looking 4 lb. blanket. It was also not too expensive. I used an old flannel pillowcase that we weren't using for one side of the blanket, and bought a textured baby receiving blanket for the other (I figured some tactile input built in might be a good thing). I also bought some poly-pellets (for the weight), and some iron-on decorations. I'm not sure if this method would work for heavier blankets. My arms are quite tired from holding the blanket on the machine, but for a little lap blanket it was so easy and did not take too much time (maybe 7 hours total). My daughter was so excited that she actually helped make the blanket by running the foot pedal and helping put some of the beads in. Overall a very satisfying experience.

2. I have a birthday coming up this week and I'm feeling quite old. This Summer has really worn me out physically and emotionally. Yesterday I saw this give-away at Hopeful Parents, and wanted to let other special needs moms know about it. I know I tend to put my kids' needs first so much that taking care of myself, much less pampering myself with a new handbag drops way down on the to-do list. Enter for your chance to win this custom reversible bag by 1154 Lill Studio. Very chic, and roomy enough to handle all of your "extra" kid gear.

3. I've been following Specialgathering's blog for several weeks now. Earlier this week there was a post/comment discussion about appropriate worship for special needs members that I thought was really significant. The church spends a lot of time talking about making worship appealing to our culture and whether or not that is a good idea. This community of special needs adults is considering how to best meet their special needs culture in worship, and it seems an important step in the right direction to me.

4. School is starting soon. A friend of mine is planning to home school her two oldest children this year for the first time. We at one time were interested in home schooling, but given our daughter's special needs didn't think it possible. According to this article there is a subset of home schooling parents whose children are autistic. I'm still not sure it would work well for our family, but if you are interested there are some resources listed there.

5. And beyond school, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" perhaps a conversation starter for you and your special needs child. I think at last report our daughter wanted ME to grow up to be a firefighter...I'll have to see what she says now...


You can see a list of Sunday Digests (and other posts) here.