Monday, February 8, 2010

Reclaiming the Sparks with your Spouse

Call this one more of a goal than something that I have mastered. Valentine's Day is coming. I just did a quick search for statistics on how well marriages for parents of special needs are faring. Unfortunately I couldn't find any well-documented studies. It seems there is an 80% divorce rate figure that is thrown around a lot without any reference...All I can say from personal experience is that after a long day of supporting our child through getting ready for school to getting ready for bed, perhaps with a meeting at school and some research on a new support tool thrown into the mix, not to mention the rest of my "mommy" duties. There's usually not much left to be "wifely" with. My strategies to date are small steps in the right direction to maintain at least a tenuous grasp on romance in the midst of running the race:
  • Do the small stuff: My husband likes muffins for breakfast - I bake them. He also likes home made cookies. I write a note on the napkin in his lunch bag when he is working away from home.
  • Occasionally make a larger effort: We are planning to sneak away for a couple of hours this weekend to watch a movie in a real theater.
  • Make time to talk: Lately the best time for us to talk is when we're all in our van on a 20 minute or so road trip. We are fortunate to have a DVD player in our van which can usually keep the kids distracted while we chat. Spousal e-mails only go so far.
  • Worship together: Nothing brings us closer than sitting in God's presence together.
  • Work together: Probably the biggest change for us in the last year was taking a class together and learning new strategies to help our daughter. Prior to this we at times had opposite approaches for addressing our daughter's behavior. While we still have our individual ways of working with her, we are more united in our end goal and have more common vocabulary for discussing issues when they arise.
I have a lot to learn in this area...if you care to educate me, feel free to leave a comment below. (Unless you're a spam-bot which has been happening a lot lately...)

This post is part of the Moms' 30-Minute Blog Challenge.


Leslie said...

Thanks for these tips. We have four small boys and it is definitely making it hard to maintain any sense of romance - especially nursing an infant - it just makes it really hard. We just recently made a commitment to each other, sooo basic, but I committed to stop what I'm doing and greet him when he gets home, and he committed to take the time to ask me how my day was. I know that's so basic, but that's where we're at right now!
(p.s. we're both special education teachers - not working in the field right now as we're on the mission field in Costa Rica, but that is where our hearts are)

Annie@SisterWisdom said...

great reminders and ideas. I need to remember that 'small stuff.' I know my husband would love some warm muffins for breakfast...


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