Reprise - Timer Tools

We are feeling the sandwich squeeze for the next couple of weeks as we are taking on my mother-in-law's care to give my sister-in-law a little break, and hopefully enjoy Easter with Grandma. To make things a bit easier I am reposting this oldie but goodie - originally posted April 2010. I started using timers with the child, and now I find I use them for myself almost as much as I use them for her...my frazzled brain needs something to remind me that I was just about to do something. My daughter has also taken on setting her own timers - for when to do homework, how long to use her mouthwash, when I've told her she can watch a show. It is a great skill to learn. Timers are just wonderful...

Many children, but especially those with special needs, struggle with transitioning from one activity to another. One very powerful tool to helping a child with special needs navigate their day is the use of a visual schedule, but just knowing the order of events to expect may not be enough. How much "time" can be alotted for each activity may also need support tools. For children with special needs a portion of the struggle can be understood as a poor concept of time. How much time to do I have to play? When do I need to be ready to go to school? What time does the party start? When will my friend come to play? All of these questions and more may be hard to conceptualize, vocalize, or comprehend the answer to.

Allow me to introduce you to my favorite time keeping tools:

(pictured above, left to right, top to bottom)

The digital clock - ideally a child will also learn to use an analog clock at some time, but when a child has learned numbers up to 59 a digital clock can be a much more accessible tool. We use the digital clock in our car to talk about what time we need to be somewhere, and what time it is now...so are we running late and needing to hurry, or do we have plenty of time and can relax.

The Time Timer (TM) - available in many teaching supply stores, the Time Timer also comes in a smaller more portable version, and is an excellent tool for children who are extremely visual. "How much time do I have to play?", "We have 30 minutes before we need to get in the car. Would you like to see how much time that is?" After a lot of use the child knows a little red is a little time, etc. There is also an audible (but friendly!) beep when the timer reaches zero. Our favorite use for the Time Timer is to set a kind but firm limit on "snuggle time" in the morning before time to get dressed. Because we always use it for this function we need no verbal reminders of what it means when the timer beeps.

The sand timer - also available in many teaching supply stores, and in various lengths of time. We have a one minute timer and a two minute timer. Thankfully we don't use them too much any more. They were primarily used for "time outs". Our time outs are used to reinforce our house rules and as an opportunity to calm down. Using the sand timer can be beneficial because watching the sand flow from one side of the vessel to the other is mesmerizing and has a calming effect. Hooray!

The portable timer - excellent for trips to the park ("We need to leave in 5 minutes...I'm setting my timer"), events in the back yard, or anytime that we're moving around the house a lot. It can also be used when giving the child a choice (and a little control) over which timer they want to use. "You can play on the computer for five more minutes...would you like to use the red timer (Time Timer), the white timer (portable), or...

The kitchen timer - ours beeps until you turn it off, so it is harder to ignore and claim that it didn't run out yet. It's only downfall is that it is rather fixed in place, so it requires some back and forth if you are elsewhere in the house.

I think as our world becomes more hectic, more technological, and more complicated, everyone seems to struggle with time management. There's a whole arsenal of tools to help our kids begin early to learn skills to manage their time, and bring some measure of peace to the flow of our days.

Special thanks to two wonderful people, Clarissa Montanaro and Robin Hauge, who turned me on to the power of using timers with children with special needs. Please contact them at clarissamontanaro-AT-gmail-DOT-com for more information.

Fret Not

My daughter worries about many things that I do not, but there is one area where she is by far less fretful than I am. When it comes to making decisions she has no hesitations. She chooses, she is happy, and she moves on. I tend to weigh every option, consider every feature. Choose, then compare some more, test my psyche to see if I am just "settling", then make a decision, and usually walk away still wondering if I've chosen well. This shows up especially when we are shopping together.

"Which one would you like, sweetie?"
"Oh, this one, Mom!"
"Did you see this over here?"
"Oh, but I want this one, Mom..."

versus:
"Mom, can we go now?"
"I'm looking to see if there's anything I like better."
"But you already put that one in the cart."
"I know, I'm just looking..."

I've never thought of myself as much of a "shopper". I like to go in with a list, get the best thing I can find and get out, but compared to her I am shop-crazy. It's the "get the best thing I can" part that I'm hung up on. What if I miss out on a better deal or some new-and-improved product because I just grab the first suitable thing I see.

I'm not saying it would always be wise to follow my daughter's method. Some decisions must be carefully weighed. There are choices that require careful consideration and thoughtful reflection. There are other choices, however, that should be quite straightforward that I fret over instead. I suppose one characteristic of wisdom is being able to discern whether the decision you are facing is so critical or not. Really how many critical decisions do most of us make during a day...my guess is not many.

Sunday Digest 17

I am just re-entering "regular" life after a two day retreat, which is becoming an annual "must go to this" event for me. I always come away with new ideas to make my own spiritual life deeper and more meaningful which in turn helps me stay on track as I mother my children. That said, I'm super tired (perhaps my only complaint is the bed I slept on had a not so great mattress, at least for someone who is spoiled by a heated water bed!) So today's digest will be brief, and hopefully not too random. I'll share more thoughts from the retreat as appropriate here.

1. Back when the Olympics were on we added local channels to our satellite TV service and started seeing ads for NBC's new series "Parenthood." Then I read a post by one of my local heroes, Laura Shumaker, and learned that there is a character in the show who has Asperger's Syndrome. I've watched several episodes now, and aside from my dismay at the amoral direction of the character's choices and values, I think they have done a good job presenting the dilemmas of a family facing a new diagnosis of their child. Too bad we had to cancel the local channels again. I haven't decided if I enjoy it enough to watch it online here.

2. For more special needs "television" check out Exceptional Family TV. These are not actors, but real individuals trying to tell the world their special needs family story both for purposes of advocacy and to encourage others who are walking the same road. Thanks to Bird on the Street for passing along the information.

3. Lauren over at Hopeful Parents had some good insights into how to help your child learn skills that will help them be more independent as they transition to adulthood...it apparently happens way too fast.

4. My blogging role model, Jamie, over at Steady Days, shared some thoughts about how she copes during hard times with her child. I know I'll be looking back to this post next time we hit troubled waters...really great ideas.

5. Lastly, I about fell off my chair when I saw the title of this piece. Prevent Autism? Really?? Have a Healthy Baby! (Guaranteed?). Last I checked (which is pretty often these days) there is no KNOWN cause of autism (aside from some genetic pre-disposition, which I'm pretty sure one cannot control)...therefore it seems to me it would be pretty hard to PREVENT it, much less GUARANTEE people a healthy baby. I did watch the video. There isn't anything necessarily wrong with any of the advice this woman gives. Of course people should avoid toxins when they're pregnant for multiple reasons. There is, however, a sense that if you have a child with autism and you somehow missed one of these steps (like having all your old metal fillings removed) well, there you go. All I can say is UGH.

Sunday Digest 16

Some thought provoking websites I've seen in the last couple of weeks...no particular theme, just stuff to make you think a bit.

1. So how do we provide adequate housing, employment, and independence for people with intellectual disabilities? Mosaic (a faith-based group that serves people with disabilities in 14 states) thought it might be nice to ask them. You can see what some of them said here. I think they've got some good ideas!

2. A young boy with ASD gets excited about basketball. What to disclose to the coach? What will his teammates think of him? Real life...read it here!

3. A fresh take on what to do with the looky loos. You know...the people around you who notice there's something different about your kid and just can't seem to direct their gaze elsewhere.

4. A mom shares her thought process as she considers residential placement for her child. One of the hardest decisions a parent of a special needs child or adolescent could face, in my opinion. How do you even take the first step, when, and what factors do you consider?

5. We live in earthquake territory, and will all the temblor activity lately...you gotta wonder. A friend of ours participated in an earthquake preparedness drill yesterday. You can bet I'll be picking her brain next time I see her. Meanwhile, I've been hearing about registries for special needs families for quite a while. What do you think about this? Are you registered? Do you even know if it is available in your area? I can think of all sorts of situations where this might be helpful.

Best wishes for an excellent week, my friends!

Kid Interview

My blogging buddy SquiggleMum posted a cute kid interview with her three year old and sort of passed the baton to see if anyone else would pick up the challenge to share their child's ideas first hand. Her post is a lovely, well-connected, precocious piece on bird watching. I decided to take up the challenge even though in general posing questions to a child with language delays is dicey at best. First, it will give me a cool benchmark of where my daughter stands with this social form. Second, it will let her practice answering questions, especially "Why" questions which are still very hard for her to answer. Third, it will let all of you peek behind the curtain of how it looks to get information (of any kind) from a child with language and social delays. You'll see what I mean...

Me: What was your favorite thing at school today?

Child: To stay at school for first grade.

[Mommy should not have said the word school. We are actually getting ready to change schools in the Fall, which we told her earlier today and the word school triggers her initial response which is that she wants to stay at her current school next year...Mommy scrambles frantically to rephrase and avoid this topic...]

Me: What did you learn about?

Child: I learned about ladybugs, and chicks. And we made one today.

Me: Made one what?

Child: A chick.

Me: How did you make a chick?

Child: Out of a bag.

Me: What did you do with the bag?

Child: I made a chick with it.

Me: But how did you make the chick?

Child: I had to cut out some lines.

Me: Did your chick have feathers on it?

Child: Yes [oops avoid the yes/no question...]

Me: What color?

Child: Yellow [there I go again...another short answer...]

[Mom decides to switch from talking about past events to more current surroundings, in hopes of getting more interaction. Little Einsteins is playing...let's see.]

Me: Who is your favorite Little Einstein?

Child: Annie.

Me: Annie?

Child: Yeah, because Annie has yellow hair.

Me: And yellow is your favorite color?

Child: Yeah, and she has yellow hair, see?

Me: What’s Big Jet trying to do?

[Big Jet is the bad guy of Little Einsteins. In this episode he uses various tricks and disguises to steal a pot of soup from Rocket.]

Child: He’s going to pretend he’s a tree.

Me: Why is he pretending to be a tree?

Child: Because Rocket thinks it is…[now distracted and just narrating the storyline] He’s taking the soup! They’re going to go after him and there’s going to be lots of dragonflies! [This is her favorite part.]

Me: Are those dragonflies like the ones at our house?
Child: No, they’re kind of blue and brown.

Me: The ones at our house?
Child: Yeah those are yellow. In the next movie Big Jet will pretend to be a train.

[Just to clarify for some reason the "dragonflies" are depicted more like lightning bugs (aka fireflies) than real dragonflies. The ones on the show are glowing yellow. Dragonflies near us are iridescent blue.]

Me: Do you like dancing with June?

Child: No, I don’t like dancing.

Me: Why not?

Child: Look it! They got past all the dragonflies! [Totally not registering Mom's question.]

Me: Now Annie’s singing…do you like singing with Annie?

Child: Yeah – (singing along) get the soup, get the soup, get the soup.

Me: Do you wish you had a red rocket?

Child: Yeah with Leo and Annie and Quincy and June.

Me: Where would you go if you had a rocket?

Child: I would fly up in the air and get a cloud.

I'll have to try this again sometime without the show on. Given the school situation I was offering lots of choices and trying not to push any unnecessary buttons today. When I asked her if it was okay for me to ask her some questions she said I should ask her while she was watching her show. On another day I probably would have said I would wait until she was done with her show. I did learn a lot from recording this exchange:

• Trigger words are no-nos.
• Yes/no questions have their place, but not to encourage interaction.
• Sometimes you just have to join your child where they are.
• Sometimes you need to encourage them to reach for the clouds.

Time keeps on slipping

Very appropriately this post is participating in the Moms' 30-Minute Blog Challenge...

Many children, but especially those with special needs, struggle with transitioning from one activity to another. One very powerful tool to helping a child with special needs navigate their day is the use of a visual schedule, but just knowing the order of events to expect may not be enough. How much "time" can be alotted for each activity may also need support tools. For children with special needs a portion of the struggle can be understood as a poor concept of time. How much time to do I have to play? When do I need to be ready to go to school? What time does the party start? When will my friend come to play? All of these questions and more may be hard to conceptualize, vocalize, or comprehend the answer to.

Allow me to introduce you to my favorite time keeping tools:

(pictured above, left to right, top to bottom)

The digital clock - ideally a child will also learn to use an analog clock at some time, but when a child has learned numbers up to 59 a digital clock can be a much more accessible tool. We use the digital clock in our car to talk about what time we need to be somewhere, and what time it is now...so are we running late and needing to hurry, or do we have plenty of time and can relax.


The Time Timer (TM) - available in many teaching supply stores, the Time Timer also comes in a smaller more portable version, and is an excellent tool for children who are extremely visual. "How much time do I have to play?", "We have 30 minutes before we need to get in the car. Would you like to see how much time that is?" After a lot of use the child knows a little red is a little time, etc. There is also an audible (but friendly!) beep when the timer reaches zero. Our favorite use for the Time Timer is to set a kind but firm limit on "snuggle time" in the morning before time to get dressed. Because we always use it for this function we need no verbal reminders of what it means when the timer beeps.


The sand timer - also available in many teaching supply stores, and in various lengths of time. We have a one minute timer and a two minute timer. Thankfully we don't use them too much any more. They were primarily used for "time outs". Our time outs are used to reinforce our house rules and as an opportunity to calm down. Using the sand timer can be beneficial because watching the sand flow from one side of the vessel to the other is mesmerizing and has a calming effect. Hooray!


The portable timer - excellent for trips to the park ("We need to leave in 5 minutes...I'm setting my timer"), events in the back yard, or anytime that we're moving around the house a lot. It can also be used when giving the child a choice (and a little control) over which timer they want to use. "You can play on the computer for five more minutes...would you like to use the red timer (Time Timer), the white timer (portable), or...


The kitchen timer - ours beeps until you turn it off, so it is harder to ignore and claim that it didn't run out yet. It's only downfall is that it is rather fixed in place, so it requires some back and forth if you are elsewhere in the house.


I think as our world becomes more hectic, more technological, and more complicated, everyone seems to struggle with time management. There's a whole arsenal of tools to help our kids begin early to learn skills to manage their time, and bring some measure of peace to the flow of our days.


Special thanks to two wonderful people, Clarissa Montanaro and Robin Hauge, who turned me on to the power of using timers with children with special needs. Please contact them at clarissamontanaro-AT-gmail-DOT-com for more information.

The Power of Choice

We had a meltdown in the car yesterday. I think I understand what caused the problem. The root of it is that our "babies" (now two, actually, and I will have to think of another descriptor for them soon-ish) are beginning to express opinions and wishes with all the enthusiasm that two year olds can muster. My oldest daughter has had almost six years of being the only kid opinion in our family, and I imagine there will be quite a little period of adjustment as she learns that her siblings have desires and wants as well. In particular, the latest thing is that the twins want to trade car seats sometimes. Because their car seats are at the same stage and they are basically the same size I am more than happy to let them sit in different seats if it means they'll climb into the seats more willingly. So our little girl decided she wanted to sit in the back of the van yesterday and for some unknown reason our big girl wanted to sit by her sister in the back. This is when the problem arose. The other back seat in the van was folded down and covered up by our double stroller and some other miscellaneous cargo. At minimum it would take several minutes to rearrange seats and cargo in order to accommodate this request for our oldest daughter to change seats. There are some times when I might have honored the request, but this was not one of those times. We were running late for lunch and for the babies' naps, it was raining, and we were not parked under shelter. These factors added quickly to a "not this time" answer, and the meltdown commenced.

The bottom line was our little girl had gotten a choice about where she wanted to sit, but our big girl didn't get a choice and was letting us know how unhappy she was about it. Now we were driving, and the only course of action was to give as little attention as possible to the tantrum. This is hard when confined to a car. I'm not very good at it. I have to use peripheral vision to make sure she is not going to lash out physically at whoever is nearby. Yesterday I finally told her she could yell as much as she wanted to but she had to keep her hands and feet down. After I told her this it was a short time later that she stopped yelling and said in a regulated voice, "I really wanted to sit in the back." All I could say was, "Sometimes you can't have what you want." Knowing that she was now listening better I explained that some other time we could change her seat if she wanted to, but today it was not okay because of the rain.

I purposely did some things later in the day to show her that she could still exercise her choice. I let her choose from a list of possibilities what she wanted for lunch, and I invited her to come with me to pick items for her upcoming birthday party.

Lessons learned from the meltdown:

• Choice is a powerful motivator
• Lack of choice is potentially infuriating, especially if we don't understand the reasons
• Removing some aspects of a tantrum may shorten the duration
• Re-establishing the power of choice is essential

Obviously this is fresh. I'm still processing many aspects of the event. Your thoughts and ideas would be most welcome. Just leave a comment below!