The bottom line was our little girl had gotten a choice about where she wanted to sit, but our big girl didn't get a choice and was letting us know how unhappy she was about it. Now we were driving, and the only course of action was to give as little attention as possible to the tantrum. This is hard when confined to a car. I'm not very good at it. I have to use peripheral vision to make sure she is not going to lash out physically at whoever is nearby. Yesterday I finally told her she could yell as much as she wanted to but she had to keep her hands and feet down. After I told her this it was a short time later that she stopped yelling and said in a regulated voice, "I really wanted to sit in the back." All I could say was, "Sometimes you can't have what you want." Knowing that she was now listening better I explained that some other time we could change her seat if she wanted to, but today it was not okay because of the rain.
I purposely did some things later in the day to show her that she could still exercise her choice. I let her choose from a list of possibilities what she wanted for lunch, and I invited her to come with me to pick items for her upcoming birthday party.
Lessons learned from the meltdown:
- Choice is a powerful motivator
- Lack of choice is potentially infuriating, especially if we don't understand the reasons
- Removing some aspects of a tantrum may shorten the duration
- Re-establishing the power of choice is essential
Obviously this is fresh. I'm still processing many aspects of the event. Your thoughts and ideas would be most welcome. Just leave a comment below!