Wrapping up Proverbs 31

After over a year of slowly delving into the character of the Proverbs 31 woman, I am almost sad to bid farewell to this daunting friend. I pray the lessons I have learned from her will truly become a part of my character, and that God will bring her to mind whenever I need it...One last time read with me about who this woman is [linked to and yet separable from all that she does...]

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet...She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." (Proverbs 31:10-21; 25-29 NIV)

First I think it is important to recall, briefly, all that this woman is. She is...

• Noble - She has an internal force of strength and virtue, from an external source.
• Precious - She is deemed more valuable than rubies (the rarest of gems) by her husband.
• Eager - She sets about her work with a feeling of great desire, pleasure, or expectancy.
• Vigorous - She takes care of her own physical needs so she can be strong for her tasks.
• Profitable - She earns income, but also has a spiritual profit of wisdom.
• Prepared  - Her lamp doesn't go out, so she is ready for anything.
• Giving - She takes care of the needy in some way.
• Confident - Because she is prepared, she does not fear for her family.
• Dignified - Her character is always evident.
• Laughing -  She faces the future without worry and with humor.
• Wise - She chooses her words and her actions carefully.
• Kind - Her words follow the law of kindness.

Second I wanted to highlight the source and the results of her character.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate." {Proverbs 31:30-31, NIV)

The source of all of these qualities is her accurate view of God. In verse 30 this is referred to as 'fearing the LORD.' This fear is not the stark terror kind of fear we usually think of, but an overwhelming awe and worship of God. It is recognizing who He is (perfect, holy, loving, powerful, personal) and that I have no right to be in His presence, yet here I am, and so I must worship. With this attitude toward God, and a desire to please Him, the character traits listed above will be a natural outcome.

The result of her character is "praise at the city gate." That doesn't mean much to us these days, but the city gate is where all the men of a city would go to conduct business, hold court, make deals, and brag. So her husband is going to go to the city gate and tell everyone what a wonderful woman she is. It's the equivalent of a modern day husband going on Facebook (or twitter or...) and telling everyone what a great wife he has. It's the warm feeling of a mate giving public acknowledgement that their partner is a true blessing to them. What a gift.


I hope this study has been encouraging to you, too. You can review earlier passages by clicking on the links in the first quote above. Leave me a comment below about which character trait you're working on at the moment. I think I'm working on eager and vigorous...

Spread the Love

It is Valentine's Day (at least for another 15 minutes here on the West Coast) and although I know there are those who discount the day as a "Hallmark" created holiday, who can argue with a day to really set aside some time to let the special people in our lives know that we love them? It's pretty easy to avoid the commercialism and just focus on the love. These are some things our family did this year...

• Love God. It's a command, the Shema, which devoted Jews still give special honor to in their homes. It is the fundamental Love that makes all other love possible:

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:4-9 (NIV, emphasis mine)

There are so many ways to express love to God, but I think one of the most important things commanded in this verse is to make your faith in God evident to your children. Our faith is not simply something that drives us to church on Sunday, it should be so ingrained in our actions, words, thoughts, and motives that our children see it and experience it every day in tangible ways.

• Love your helpmate. I wrote a post a while back about how I try to do this. Today my husband and I got creative and instead of going out for dinner we went out for brunch. It happened that his work schedule and my volunteering allowed us an hour this morning to visit a new-ish local cafe and enjoy some one-on-one time without having to pay a babysitter since the kids were all at school or preschool. These times are so rare for us that it almost doesn't matter what we talk about, it helps us refocus and reunite our efforts as a couple to be supportive and have a common vision. Thinking just a little outside the box made it possible today.

• Love yourself.  I suppose the debate will always rage whether there is truly a command to love yourself...but for any parent, and especially those of us who parent a child with special needs, it doesn't matter if it's a commandment - it's a necessity, and one that we often postpone or neglect altogether. I wrote a post about this, too. I've been spending more energy on myself lately, and trying to find ways to do it that don't take extra time away from my children and other duties. I am walking more (one side benefit of moving back to our neighborhood schools), taking time for a shower more often (though not perhaps as often as I'd like), and trying to make sure that I'm drinking lots of fluids if not water. These are small things, but they're making a difference for me - boosting my energy level and keeping me healthier for the long haul.

•  Love your children. Today I made valentine's cards for my husband and for each of my kids. It didn't take very much time, but I hope it will be a long-standing tradition and one that will eventually mean a lot to my children. I'm not a super-gushy-snuggly-mom type. I try to tell and show my kids every day that I love them. These cards are just a tangible reminder of my love. I took especial care with my oldest daughter's card. I made a heart surrounded by a rainbow, a new obsession of hers. I wrote:

I love how hard you work to learn and to help. I love how you love rainbows. I am so  proud of you! Most of all I love you because you are you!

 I tried to use simple language and my best handwriting so that she could read it all herself (a skill she is becoming increasingly confident in) and I hope the words will go deep into her sense of self-worth.

•  Love others. As part of a service project in Sunday School we decided to make Valentine's cards for some residents in an assisted living community not far from our church. We spent time each Sunday during Sunday School making cards, but also brought some home and worked on them during spare moments - while watching TV or waiting for dinner to get ready. With help from friends we made 80 valentines and delivered them Sunday after church. The staff was going to hand them out today. I'm sure many of the residents won't get many other valentines, and I hope the small gesture will remind them that people care and more importantly that God cares.

How will you spread the love this year?

My Goals for the New Year

Apologies for the long absence...I was keeping up right until New Year's and then, well, lots of fun stuff happened and I couldn't do everything I wanted to do. Bad stuff happens, life gets full. Good stuff happens, life gets full. Same result, but I prefer option B, thanks!

Meanwhile, today over at the Special Needs Blog Hop they're talking about goals for the New Year. Goals, mind you, not resolutions. Five things we'd like to reach during this New Year. Here are my five:

Get organized. No really. Perhaps I should say get more organized. Three years of just going through the paces and trying to keep up with the essentials has left us kind of buried in paper (among other things). Everywhere I look there are piles of projects that I'm going to work on "later". Well, later has come, my friends. So far I'm using this 21-day challenge except I'm letting myself work at my own pace and I'm not posting photos here because it would move too far away from my purpose. I'm almost done with the second challenge. (Clean off my desk in a day? NOT) I did get it cleared off in one day, but dealing with the detritus has taken another day on its own.

Get a shower. That's my incentive for getting up a wee bit earlier in the morning, which should mean I go to bed a little bit earlier at night. Didn't happen tonight, but you know.

Improve my writing. There's a 31-day challenge for this, which I haven't started yet. I figure I should finish the get organized challenge first. Being subscribed to these via e-mail and Google Reader is letting me do them on my own time schedule, which is kind of essential around here. In fact, I just noticed that 21+31=52, and if memory serves there are 52 weeks in a year, so even if I only get to one challenge per week I'll finish both of these by the end of 2011. SWEET.

Make my husband's lunches more interesting. He used to have this cushy job where he got to eat in gourmet restaurants every day for lunch (rough times, right?) Then when he decided to start our home business again, right before the economy tanked mind you, we cut back to brown bag lunches. That was over three years ago. During that time I've packed him a sandwich, a yogurt cup, some fruit, a drink, and a cookie or two anywhere from 2-4 times per week. Seemed like he could use a little menu variation. So one of his Christmas presents was a new lunch box and thermos. I can send hot leftovers in his thermos. Tomorrow he has requested left-over chicken, stuffing and gravy. Gotta  beat cold cuts, right?

Get a clearer vision for who God wants me to be. I'm thinking about starting with Proverbs 31:10-31. My primary job right now is wife and mom. There are other things I do (writing, supporting my husband's business, leading our church's Sunday School, volunteering at my kids' schools) but wife and mom are at the top of the list. The Proverbs passage has long been held as the "ideal" woman. I think one large chunk of the things I struggle with comes from trying on my own strength to meet a lot of "ideals." I have high expectations for myself and for my kids, which is not all bad, except when it is. Loving has to come before expecting, I think. So instead of looking at the Proverbs 31 woman for what she does (I already do plenty) I'd like to find out more about who she is...her foundational character. I'm thinking that's how she gets it all done well. In the end...

"Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many woman do noble things, but you surpass them all." (Proverbs 31:28-29, NIV, emphasis mine)

There's doing and then there's surpassing. I'm tired of just doing.

Check out the blog hop...it's fun!

Sunday Digest 21

I'm in a last minute dash to join the blog hop! I did this last year, and it was so much fun....it's a great way to visit some new blogs and have some new eyes see your blog, too. I didn't see that it was happening until today, so I'm down toward the bottom of the list (240), but still hoping to have some fun with it. The Simple Life is all about parenting a special needs child with a foundation of faith. To learn more about me and my blog, read here. To stay on schedule I will post my usual Sunday Digest, which will also give you an idea of what has been grabbing my attention the last few weeks. Enjoy!


1. I was touched by this tribute from Steady Mom. We are big advocates for adoption. I have several extended family members who were adopted, and my husband was adopted. It can be a wonderful gift for both parent and child. I have high respect for parents who adopt children with special needs. Having "experts" tell you their estimation of a child's challenges and recommending maybe backing out, but instead choosing to forge ahead requires a special kind of courage, in my opinion.

2. There is a back to school give away over at OUR Journey Thru Autism. I just stumbled on this site the other day. They are giving away $250 worth of back to school supplies and they are SENSORY friendly (for sensitive kids). Sign me up!

3. There is evidently finally some hard evidence that raising children with special needs (especially autism) is particularly stressful for marriages. Interestingly there's not really a difference until the child reaches age 8. I wonder if it has anything to do with the child not being able to pass off as simply immature anymore. Perhaps there is a reality check for one or both parents at that stage. We're not there yet (a little more than a year off) but given what we've survived so far I think we're in pretty good shape. Thanks to LauraS for posting about this study at 5 Minutes for Special Needs.

4. We borrowed an Elmo Halloween video from our local library a couple of weeks ago (yes, I do know it's Summer, but you try explaining to my daughter why she can't have a Halloween video just because it's July)...anyway this monster video was included in that video, then Tammy posted it over at Praying for Parker, too. Such a cool message. Even though we're different, we're all still monsters. Why is that so hard for humans to understand sometimes?

5. Ever have one of those days where things start to "go wrong" and you feel like God is shutting doors and then the next thing you know there's a left turn and a zig zag or two and suddenly everything makes sense and you understand that He had a different plan all along? SpecialGathering shares a tale like that here. I loved it.

Reclaiming the Sparks with your Spouse

Call this one more of a goal than something that I have mastered. Valentine's Day is coming. I just did a quick search for statistics on how well marriages for parents of special needs are faring. Unfortunately I couldn't find any well-documented studies. It seems there is an 80% divorce rate figure that is thrown around a lot without any reference...All I can say from personal experience is that after a long day of supporting our child through getting ready for school to getting ready for bed, perhaps with a meeting at school and some research on a new support tool thrown into the mix, not to mention the rest of my "mommy" duties. There's usually not much left to be "wifely" with. My strategies to date are small steps in the right direction to maintain at least a tenuous grasp on romance in the midst of running the race:

• Do the small stuff: My husband likes muffins for breakfast - I bake them. He also likes home made cookies. I write a note on the napkin in his lunch bag when he is working away from home.
• Occasionally make a larger effort: We are planning to sneak away for a couple of hours this weekend to watch a movie in a real theater.
• Make time to talk: Lately the best time for us to talk is when we're all in our van on a 20 minute or so road trip. We are fortunate to have a DVD player in our van which can usually keep the kids distracted while we chat. Spousal e-mails only go so far.
• Worship together: Nothing brings us closer than sitting in God's presence together.
• Work together: Probably the biggest change for us in the last year was taking a class together and learning new strategies to help our daughter. Prior to this we at times had opposite approaches for addressing our daughter's behavior. While we still have our individual ways of working with her, we are more united in our end goal and have more common vocabulary for discussing issues when they arise.

I have a lot to learn in this area...if you care to educate me, feel free to leave a comment below. (Unless you're a spam-bot which has been happening a lot lately...)

This post is part of the Moms' 30-Minute Blog Challenge.