Dealing with "Guilt"

As promised, I want to spend some time talking about "parent guilt." This is a big topic, and I'm not at all sure that I'll properly address it in one short post. The topic came up from watching Lorenzo's Oil a couple of weeks ago, which I reviewed last Wednesday. Briefly, it is the story of a family faced with a debilitating disorder affecting their youngest/only son (the father had children from a previous marriage). During part of the movie the parents are told that the disease is carried in the mother's genes (an X-linked mutation) and the mother's reaction is a textbook "guilt" response. She says something to the effect of, "You mean this is my fault?" and, for some period of time afterward, she cuts off contact with her family and pours all of her efforts into "fixing" her son.

Sometimes I am glad that autism has no "known" cause. There is evidently some genetic link and some environmental factor, and a piece of me dreads the day that it becomes better defined than that...particularly if it can clarify what exactly affected our own dear daughter. Genes are what they are...there is nothing that we can currently choose about what makes up our own DNA or which DNA gets passed along to our offspring; at least not until after the fact, and you can read how I feel about that here. Even environmental factors are hard to completely control. How many places do you see the signs that say "this area contains chemicals known to cause birth defects?" Do you keep your hand on the nozzle when you're pumping your gasoline? Is there lead in your pipes that you don't know about? It's a dangerous world. Somehow as a parent you want to shield your children from anything that can harm them and the knowledge that you might be in any way linked to something that brings trouble upon them is horrifying. I recall a day fairly early in our daughter's life when I was dutifully strapping her into her little infant seat and I inadvertently, sleep-deprivedly, somehow pinched her little tummy in the belt clip. I was so angry at myself I think I cried almost as many tears as she did. That little welt disappeared in just a few days. How will I respond if someday I learn it was my DNA or my former work as an organic chemist, or my...that leaves her struggling every day to interact with everyone around her in socially acceptable ways. I guess I decided I should start processing it all now...just in case.

Tuesday posts are about seeing what God says about these kinds of questions. Coincidentally (?) my pastor's daily scripture verse e-mail today said this:

John 9

1 As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. 2 His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”
3 “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. 4 As long as it is day, we must do the work of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. 5 While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”
6 Having said this, he spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man's eyes. 7 “Go,” he told him, “wash in the Pool of Siloam” (this word means Sent). So the man went and washed, and came home seeing.

How might God's MIGHT be displayed in your life today?

I had actually been thinking about this exact passage in relation to parent "guilt" before I received this e-mail. I will probably need to study it more closely and may post more on the topic later. For now a few points are clear:

• In Jesus' time his culture defined differences as being the result of individual sin, rather than understanding at least some (and perhaps most) as being the consequence of original sin. We live in a fallen, and therefore dangerous, world.
• Challenges can be an opportunity for God to reveal Himself to us and to those around us.
• God is powerful and no matter what we are facing, He is bigger.
• God is full of grace and mercy.
• Spending time pointing fingers may keep us from experiencing God at work...night is coming.

So as long as it is day I will work and live in the Light.

This post is participating in the Moms' 30-Minute Blog Challenge.